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Date Posted: 21:23:37 06/26/04 Sat
Author: Stupid
Subject: SWEET!
In reply to: V. Gargiulo 's message, "His Folks" on 01:56:57 06/26/04 Sat


Believe it or not I was thinking it'd be a cool game too!

Before I being though, I want to say that I think it's cool that u're around V-man.

AND I ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE.

It must be the Irish in me that likes a good fight. Though, this is more of a challenge than a fight...now I'm confused. Oh well...here I go.

Oh and no fair if you're going to accept the challenge after u've already read my list.

SO BACK OFF BITCHES!

Now...here I go:



PSYCHE! Stop reading u cheater!








EXT. FRONT DOOR OF SUBURBAN HOUSE - DAY

Boyfriend and girlfriend, ROCKY and JULIA, are at the door of the house of Rocky’s family. Rocky rings the doorbell.

//Okay, well Rocky Raccoon is a song and Julia is definitely a song.

Julia: I’m looking forward to meeting your family.

Rocky: Well, they’re a little weird but they’re really all right once you get to know them.

Rocky’s aging mom, MARTHA, opens the door.

Martha: Rocky!

Rocky: Hi Mom!

Martha: Is this the girl you were telling me about?

Rocky: This is her.

Martha: Oh. She’s so beautiful.

//I have a feeling 'She's so beautiful' is a song.

Julia: Thank you.

Martha: Well, come in. Let’s not stand outside.

They all proceed into the house.

INT. FRONT HALLWAY OF THEIR HOUSE - DAY

Rocky looks down.

Rocky: Oh dear. I stepped on the cat.

Martha: Did you kill it?

Rocky: It’s not moving.

Martha: Well, we’ll throw it in the oven then.

Rocky: That’s a good idea.

Martha: (to Julia) So, what’s your name?

Julia: (baffled by the dead cat conversation) What?

Martha: What’s your name, child?

Julia: Julia.

//Bingo!

Martha starts crying all of the sudden.

Julia: (cont'd) What happened? Did I say something?

Rocky: Ah...I forgot to tell you. You see, Mom has been depressed ever since the Beatles broke up in 1970 and anytime you say the name of a Beatle song, she starts crying.

Julia: Oh, I see.

Rocky: So act naturally.

//Beatles covered this song

Martha belts out with a loud cry.

Julia: I will.

Martha belts out another loud cry and for the rest of the sketch, she will continue to belt cries out as names of the underlined Beatle songs are said. Meanwhile, Rocky’s sister, MICHELLE, comes in the room.

Michelle: Rocky! So nice to see you again.

Rocky: Hello, Michelle. This is Julia.

//Michelle is a song...Michelle my belle or something.

Rocky: Hello. I’m Rocky’s sister.

Julia: Hello.

Rocky: What are we having for dinner, Michelle?

Michelle: Pot roast.

Julia: Oh, that sounds good.

Michelle: Yes, it’s made from real marijuana. After eating it, you’ll feel free as a bird. And then for dessert, you can either have savoy truffle or wild honey pie.

//Free as a bird. Beatles tune which was like a Lennon recording that Paul, George and Ringo layed tracks over.

Rocky: Well, I’m starving. Are you hungry, Julia?

Julia: Well, a little.

Rocky: Is it almost done?

Michelle: Oh yes. It won’t be long. All I’ve got to do is slice the potatoes, chop up some carrots, you know.

Rocky: Sounds wonderful.

Michelle: Well, nothing’s too good for Dad on his birthday.

Rocky: Where is Dad?

Michelle: Oh, he’s in the living room. He’s getting ready to mow it.

Rocky, Julia, Michelle, and the sobbing Martha go in the living room.

INT. LIVING ROOM OF THEIR HOUSE - DAY

They find Dad, whose name is JUDE, putting gasoline in a lawn mower sitting on the carpet. He spills some on the floor.

Rocky: Hey Jude!

//DING DING DING!

Jude: Son!

Rocky: Happy birthday.

Jude: Thank you. Thank you. Who’s the girl?

Rocky: This is Julia, my girlfriend.

Jude: Oh, I like her. She’s not like your other dates. She’s a woman. And if she loves you that’s even better.

//She loves you, ya, ya, ya.

Rocky: She loves me and I love her.

Jude: (to Martha) Honey, don’t. The kids are here. Come together.

//RIIIGHT NOW. Over me.

Martha: (crying) I’m down. Ohh!

Michelle: Well, if you excuse me. I have to go check on the potatoes but I’ll be back.

Jude: (to Rocky and Julia) You know your mother has been in such misery since those damn Beatles broke up. I wish they’d get back.

//Get back to where they once belonged.

Rocky: Has it been bad lately?

Jude: Well, no. She’s been getting better actually. Getting better all the time. It’s just that any time she hears the name of a Beatle song, she’s starts crying.

//I got to believe it's 'Getting better all the time' is one.

Rocky: It’s only love.

//It's only love is a song...or a lyric.

Jude: It’s something.

//Something is a song.

Michelle comes back in the room carrying the dead cat.

Michelle: Did you want me to stick this cat in the oven?

Rocky: Ah...yeah.

Michelle: All right. You all might as well come to the table. Dinner’s almost ready.

Jude: Come on, Martha my dear. Let’s go eat.

They all go into the kitchen/dining room to the table.

INT. KITCHEN/DINING ROOM OF THEIR HOUSE - DAY

Michelle: Pull up a chair.

Jude: Why? There’s six here already.

Jude sits on the end. Julia and Rocky sit on one side. Martha sits on the other side. Michelle goes to the refrigerator. She opens the door and a MAN WITH A BRIEFCASE walks out.

Michelle: Oh, excuse me.

The man then proceeds out a nearby window. After that, some STRANGE MAN sticks his head in the window.

Strange Man: Shut up! Shut up! Will you shut up!

Jude: So tell me, Julia, what do you do for a living?

Julia: I’m a med-student working a part-time job at a restaurant.

Jude: Really? Medical-student, eh?

Julia: Yes.

Jude: I’ve got this big mole. Well, actually, I don’t know what it is. But anyway, I’ve got this big mole at the tip of my anus. Would you look at it?

Julia: (hesitantly) Um...maybe later.

Jude: Why wait till after we eat? Something might fall on your face when you look at it then. Doctor Robert said it was some horrible flesh-eating disease and was very very contagious.

The Strange Man comes up from under the table.

Strange Man: Shut up! Shut up! Will you shut up!

Michelle: All right, here’s dinner.

Michelle puts a very very burnt pot roast on the table.

Jude: Umm. Lovely Rita.

//Rita meter maid!

Michelle: My name is Michelle.

Jude: Oh, there she goes again.

Michelle starts crying.

Julia: Why is she crying?

Rocky: Well, Michelle has the same thing Mother has. Except instead of the Beatles, it’s the La’s with her.

STILL SHOT OF THE LA’S ONLY ALBUM

Voice-over: The La’s. British band of the early 1990’s. Known for their hook-laden alternative pop-rock such as “There She Goes” and “Way Out”.

BACK TO SCENE

Jude: (to the sobbing Martha) Oh! Darling. You’ve got to hide your love away. Come on. Don’t let me down. We can work it out. I mean, tomorrow never knows. The Beatles could regroup any time at all. (to Rocky and Julia) Oh she’s hopeless. She’s like this eight days a week. I mean I’m so tired of her crying all the time. Let it be. Jesus!

//One of my favs 'Hide your love away'. Probably 'Don't let me down' is one. 'We can work it out' is one. 'Tomorrow never knows' is one.

The actual JESUS CHRIST walks into the shot.

Jesus Christ: (in Lurch mode) You rang.

The Strange Man pulls into the shot.

Strange Man: Shut up! Shut up! Will you shut up!

Martha: Look. I don’t want to spoil the party so I’ll go. I would hate my disappointment to show.

She runs off crying to the living room.

Jude: Good. More for me. Pass the pot.

Rocky hands Jude the whole pot roast. While Rocky does this, we see water pouring out from Jude’s pants onto the table.

Rocky: Dad! Control your bladder.

Jude: It’s that disease. I’m telling you. (to Julia) You sure you don’t want to look at it right now?

He gets up and drops his pants.

Julia: No. I’m leaving. I can’t take it here anymore.

She gets up and walks towards the exit. Rocky gets up too.

Rocky: Julia!

Martha belts out another loud cry in the distance.

Rocky: (con't) Wait!

Another loud cry in distance.

INT. FRONT HALLWAY OF THEIR HOUSE - DAY

Rocky stops Julia in her tracks and looks her straight in the eye.

Rocky: (con't) Look. I love you and all I ask of you is that you love me. I don’t care if you don’t like my folks but just put up with them just a little longer. Please. Please please me.

//Like I please you.

Martha belts out another loud cry in the distance.

Julia: All right.

They walk back up to the table.

INT. KITCHEN/DINING ROOM OF THEIR HOUSE - DAY

Jude: What was that all about?

Julia: Nothing. I...ah...had a panic attack.

Jude: You’re weird.

VERY QUICK STOCK FOOTAGE OF A GEYSER SHOOTING UP A FULL STEAM OF WATER.

BACK TO SCENE

Julia is soaking wet.

Rocky: Ohhh! Look out for the geyser.

Julia: That’s it! I’m outta here! Good-bye!

Just then a MONSTER attacks her. Michelle comes running up with a broom hitting the monster with it.

Michelle: Down! Down Bruno!

Rocky: Oh yeah. This is my brother, Bruno. He’s so ugly we have to keep him locked up in the attic. I don’t know how he escaped.

Just then, a BEATLE IMPERSONATOR GROUP comes out and starts to play the opening of “I Want To Hold Your Hand”. Martha, who just walked back into the scene, starts crying out.

//I want to hold you hand.

BLACK OUT


DID I WIN?

STUPID

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