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Date Posted: 19:04:05 06/29/04 Tue
Author: but something to read - Jen
Subject: not spectacular
In reply to: Patrick Lonergan 's message, "REVIEWS: Matt LeBlanc 06/26/04" on 00:47:48 06/29/04 Tue

Presidential Roast:
I checked the White House thermometer and even during the hottest months of my presidency I rarely see it go pass 91 degrees although that might just mean that the makers of Fahrenheit 9/11 made a typo.

I like this, however it seems really thrown in considering the objective of the rest of the piece. I think it would have been a better idea to skip this gag, maybe turn it into a WU joke or save it for something else and focus on the roast and embellish more on that.

I would also like to tell the American public there is another movie out this weekend called White Chicks. I saw it last night and it was totally awesome. Its like they made my favorite show, The Simple Life, a movie. There is also one other important message I must tell you the American people, LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!

This is a great tie in of your initial lead in to the roast letting the premise of this all starting with movies resurface before going into LFNY line. I still feel like the flow is a bit off and you definitely could have gone further with the Roast jokes, but liked the sketch in general and like the way you began and ended with movies.

Monologue
First off, Courtney is the hottest. Second of all:

leaving Perry with a spin-off that'll crash like the Hindenburg. Did the guy with the box-shaped head to get the box slash head?!? And worse, she has Arquette. Man, if I had here I'd ride her like a pony. (starts doing... erm, a riding dance)

I like the Hindenburg thing, and I like the Arquette-pony joke. I don’t get the box-shaped head sentence it feels like there are some key articles/words/something which got misplaced in the construction of that sentence.

Way to go for the Rembrandts guy, not only is the guy part of a band that’s also a toothpaste he’s getting made fun of by a guy about to star in a lowly spin off? Keep in mind not all spin offs bomb – ie Frasier, say what you will about it, it’s had a long and successful run. But I like the Rembrandts thing and Matt’s dialogue as his mind spins in stupor.

I don’t know if the concept of Matt going off on the cast is really that funny? Why would he? That show is the best thing he’s ever done (try not to think about the baseball movie with a monkey). I just think if someone were to host and were to bash the cast it should be someone who is going to have a definite future outside the show. There’s no point in soiling the only relationships which may get you a sweet deal in a spin off movie!

Ryme or Reason
You start out like this:
For just $199, you got not two, not three, but seven end tables! Let’s see the competition try to beat that! And there’s no way they could match my deals on this special bedroom designed especially for fraternal quadruplets, just $549!

Referencing that you get a TON of the same thing for this great price. But the hate mail letters don’t mention this sort of thing at all (thankfully.) I kinda wish you hadn’t gone this way because there are plenty of people who wouldn’t shop there simply because what would you do with seven end tables? Someone’s going to notice if you give the same thing to everyone for Christmas…

Little Johnny: Gee Santa, thanks for my … end table.
Mom: Look, I got one too.
Little Sarah: Daddy, how come Santa gave me an end table that looks just like mommy’s, Johnny’s, grandma’s and the one in your bedroom?

I kinda wish you’d simply make ridiculously low prices: “Egyptian imported dresser: $20.” Something like that. However, I like the rest of the sketch. I like the sales pitch voice, great presentation of the character: only concerned with getting people into his store and not about the effect he’s having on other stores. The hate letters escalate in the consequences brought on by Mr. Ryme’s selling practices except for the pier 1 imports letter which is by far my favorite:

“Dear Mr. Ryme, you suck. Sincerely, Pier 1 Imports.”

No. You suck.

Big Willie
I like the further justification you did with the tequila bottle. It’s clearer now; that poor flannel wearing guy never new he had it coming…well maybe he did. Anyway, I like this probably because I’m not a huge Willie Nelson fan and I envision him as a semi-washed up half drunk hick and seeing him make silly phone calls searching for singers who have had their time and moved on is somehow justice to me for all the country music that’s been brought into this world – which I’m not a monstrous fan of. For the record, I’ve never heard Julio Iglesias and I’m not a raving fan of Enrique but I think it’s fascinating that his music videos are a like a photo album into his love life. Also, my dad listened to Linda Rondstadt, and I gotta say – she was cool. I also like Melissa Manchester, however, I can’t hear ‘Don’t Cry Out Loud’ without thinking of Drop Dead Gorgeous. I still like the Borderline joke and the dancers, you can never go wrong with dancers.

Chattanooga, I kind of remember you.

Heh

A Day in the Life of…
I enjoyed this thoroughly. I really liked the dialogue of Nerd 3, he doesn’t have a name and consequently tries harder than any of the others to be the king of nerds…or perhaps because he tries hardest to become king of the nerds he has abandoned his human name and morphed into a higher being such as it is known: nerd 3. Whatever. I liked the supervisor up until he pronounced himself Bill Gates; him doing that broke the game of the scene. The nerds would say something and Gates would out do them causing Gates to be this sort of God nerd, untouchable. But with the Supervisor’s declaration of himself as Gates it’s as if he pronounces Gates tangible and human and the game is lost. He reclaims the game when he says that Gates actually already knew, but then goes on to say that Gates didn’t know they were already done he just wanted to name the virus which completely breaks the rules of the game. I would have rather seen Gates top them again – yes Gates new they would be done because he implanted RPG chips into their heads and was secretly playing THEM as video game characters. Whatever you want. I just didn’t like the waffling of the Gates = Nerd Divinity vs. Gates = just a dude with money and geek glasses.

Last Comic Standing
Number one: some of this is lost on me because I never bothered to see 8 mile. I probably never will.
Number two: this:
Can you feel the excitement! This is as exciting as a blowjob from an 88-year-old woman! Yeah! This is as exciting as my two years of drudgery on SNL!
That first exclamation mark should be a question, I think. The blow job this is kind of gross and discriminatory. How do you know an 88-year-old woman doesn’t give a fantastic blowjob? Also, I’m not 100% familiar with Jay Mohr’s comedy style but I don’t know that he would insult himself like that, or that his 2 years on SNL would be a big enough landmark for him to reference.

I love awkward silences…they’re just nice. I think I remember one time Mike Myers said he loved the kind of comedy that becomes so uncomfortable you have to laugh. I agree to an extent.

The routine about William Hung ties in well to the Dat Phan thing but this:

So I saw Alex Rodriguez in a Yankees uniform this week. So, let’s recap, The Yankees infield, 2 gay, 2 to go! Little girls yell Alex Rodriguez’s name like he’s one of the Backstreet Boys. A-ROD! A-ROD! More like…a dick! And if you didn’t find that last joke funny, you should be shot in the face! Just call me…”JUST JOHN KRUK”!

Doesn’t flow the same at all. You need a better transition or some sort of transition material. Maybe an Asian in baseball then move to other baseball people. I understand that stand ups don’t necessarily perform using smooth transitions but this is a reading/writing form and they’re a little more necessary when you don’t have charisma and non-verbal cues to fill in.

“FUNNY WHITE GUY” – there are plenty of funny white guys. In fact, most comedians seem to be white.

I was thinking that I should start going to a ‘sperm bank’…because let’s face it…this is a face of a masturbator! I figure…I do it on such a regular basis, I should get paid for it…it’s just like going to work! – this is funny.

But I don’t think I can take the fact of walking around…in about 15 years, there’s going to be this 14, 15 year old punk white kid acting like he’s black walking down the street, yelling, “Where are all the white bitches?!” – this doesn’t make sense. Sperm is genes not terminology. You’d have been better off declaring that B-Rabbit has a masturbation gene where if he doesn’t wank it he dies and not bearing the fact that if he passes that gene off to some of his kids they might end up catholic and dead. (because masturbation is a sin)

Orange – O
There are a million places you could have taken this. I wish you would have stretched it further. Use the stain removal to remove non stains – ie chains, prison guards, jail cells to make some elaborate escape. Or maybe it’s remove the guilt. Something a little more out of the ordinary when you’ve got such a great opportunity for a funny spokesperson.

Backpacking
I like Sophie’s quips –
I don’t want chipmunks crawling over me while I’m trying to fake an orgasm.
I like this line –
That was straightforward.
And this one –
Jonas: Where did the jealous bitch come from?
Sophie: She told you, she was in your backpack.
I like a lot about this sketch, including the chastity thing. However, the turn around from Jonas being confused by the appearance of Tracy to his betrayal of Sophie seems to happen really quickly without much justification. Yes, she over reacted and upset the chipmunks, but wouldn’t most girls if they found out that the girl who was secretly in love with their boyfriend was hiding in their backpack to keep them from having sex?

Gay Pirates
The limp wrists, the fabulous dialogue, rainbows and sword play are all fun. What I think lacks is exaggeration. The pirates are depicted great, and Amy is done well too. The homophobe could be much more extreme, and based on your weak characterization of him I’d guess you’re all for equal rights so good for you. In addition the realization that there’s no scary gay crime other than the gay mafia comes in really late and doesn’t have the dramatic effect I think it’s intended to. It would help if you made John react more dynamically to the fact that these pirates are gay that makes Amy pointing out that there’s no reason to be afraid more purposeful and pointed since she attempts to be the voice of reason between them. The musical was a great choice for a new profession.

How You Doin’?
The very first ‘how you doin’?’s would have sound better if you’d renamed the spin off show “Joey- How You Doin’?” and justify it somehow. Vanilla Ice has totally reinvented himself by the way, it might have been funny to have Kennedy try to bring out circa 1991 Vanilla with Joey interjecting ‘how you doin’?’s and Ice trying to explain how he’s not like that and has moved on blah blah blah, whatever every Hollywood wash up ALWAYS says. Same thing with Gary Coleman, talk about how he’s moved on into humanitarianism spawned by his governor’s race. Some of the ‘how you doin’?’s seem forced, so be careful with that. By the way, good luck with your KC show and be sure to let us all know how it went.

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