Weekend Update Review...uh...Boob! -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 13:07:18 04/10/04 Sat
Author: JPIII
Subject: Weekend Update Review...uh...Boob!
In reply to: Patrick Lonergan 's message, "REVIEWS: Janet Jackson 04/10/04" on 01:28:36 04/10/04 Sat

Announcer: From Studio 8H in Rockefeller Center, this is Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey.

Jimmy Fallon: I'm Jimmy Fallon.

Tina Fey: And I'm Tina Fey. Here are tonight's top stories!

In political news this week, President Bush admitted that he and his staff did not have the proper information available to prevent 9/11. When Bush was later asked by the press if he still believed there needed to be a bill outlawing same sex marriage, he said, "Silly voters, penises go in the vaginas."

THE PUNCH HERE IS ACCEPTABLE AND CHUCKLE-WORTHY. THE SET-UP FOR IT IS FAR FROM MAKING ANY REAL SENSE, THOUGH.

On Thursday, as the 9/11 commission was hearing testimony from the national security advisor Condoleezza Rice, President Bush was hosting a get-together with fishermen and hunters at his ranch in Crawford, Texas. A photo-op occurred when President Bush was fishing and caught something everyone has been looking for�weapons of mass destruction.

MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE IT'S WORDY...I DON'T KNOW...BUT I JUST DIDN'T CARE FOR THIS AS MUCH. NOT A BAD JOKE, THOUGH.

Jimmy Fallon: Earlier this week the recent lawsuit against Tyco industry executives was declared a mistrial due to a nullified jury. One juror in particular, juror #4, said that she feared for her life and was "very very scared." The judge was later quite embarrassed when he found out she was talking about the Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Variety Hour.

QUITE CUTE...NICE.

Jimmy Fallon: In entertainment news this week it was announced that A-Team star Mr. T would be appearing in the upcoming Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey Variety Hour on ABC. Well Mr. T, which fool do you think we are pitying now?

VERY GOOD! THE PIC HELPS A LOT! ('CAUSE I FOUND IT)

Tina Fey: A severed head found in a plastic bag on a park bench in northern Honduras was accompanied by a note to President Ricardo Maduro. The note, which read: "Maduro old man, we are so hungry we are eating people," was left in response to an ordered crackdown on youth gangs. You know, I find it really disgusting when people don't finish the food on their plate.

THIS ONE IS A LITTLE LONG...BUT THE PUNCH MAKES IT WORTH IT. NICE WORK.

Jimmy Fallon: John Kerry said this week, that the United States is in a mess with Iraq. Asked what he could do to help, Kerry said, �My plan is to get the nation of Iraq injected with botox, and let nature take it�s course. Hey, it worked for me!�

NOPE.

With the success of The Rock�s new film �Walking Tall�, film executives have already ordered for the production of a prequel to The Rock vehicle, starring midget actor Vern Troyer, called �Walking Short�.

NICE...FUNNY. I LIKED THIS.

Tina Fey: In science news this week, astronomers are on the lookout for asteroids that will collide with the earth and will find every single one that is a possible threat. No need to worry, this investigation is being handled by those behind the Bush administration.

I AGREE W/ BEVAN...THE WORDING OF THE PUNCH COULD BE TWEAKED...OTHERWISE, VERY GOOD JOKE!

According to Finnish researchers, eating chocolate during pregnancy can have a positive impact on a newborn baby's behavior. However, eating chocolate mixed with peanut butter will spawn evil offspring from Hell.

EASILY THE FUNNIEST JOKE OF THE LAST COUPLE UPDATES. I LAUGHED FOR A GOOD MINUTE AT THIS ONE.

Jimmy Fallon: This April 23 marks the 440th anniversary of the birth of the great playwright William Shakespeare. Admirers of the Bard, however, are in a somber mood due to recently uncovered evidence that taints his legacy; evidence suggesting that Shakespeare did not write his works, but that they were, in fact, produced by one thousand monkeys working at a thousand tiny printing presses for an indefinite amount of time.

THIS IS WAY TOO LONG...BUT ALRIGHT, I GUESS.

Tina Fey: Debra Messing, star of "Will and Grace", gave birth to a healthy baby boy on Wednesday. Messing currently holds the world record for most men present at a baby shower.

I DIDN'T CARE FOR THIS TOO MUCH. BE MORE CREATIVE ABOUT IT, I GUESS...I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST KINDA OBVIOUS.

Jimmy Fallon: For Weekend Update, I�m Jimmy Fallon!

Tina Fey: And I'm Tina Fey! Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!

JPIII

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Replies:

Sorry Ms. Jackson... -- Hillary, 19:05:27 04/10/04 Sat

Wow Hillary.... -- Wes, 19:26:34 04/10/04 Sat

You May Be Familiar With The Quote "I Pity The Fool" (NT) -- S-Calade, 19:33:44 04/10/04 Sat
What can I say... -- Hillary, 20:51:38 04/10/04 Sat
- Re: What can I say... -- Wes, 21:25:55 04/10/04 Sat