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Date Posted: 09:39:51 09/22/09 Tue
Author: Ani
Subject: What the war did to Jan's mother
In reply to: Edie 's message, "Re: Another believe it or not!" on 02:38:15 09/22/09 Tue

Jan's older brother is coming from Poland to spend his first Christmas with this brother and sister. In fact his first trip ever overseas. Henry was born before the war and his father just went missing. Vanished and nobody ever saw or heard anything about him ever again. He was looked after by his grandparents when mother in law was sent to Germany. During her time in forced labour she met Jan's dad and they fell in love and were married. He was never told of Henry and when they were given the opportunity to come to Australia, Jan's mum contacted her parents and they advised her to start a new life here with her new husband and don't look back. They had raised her little boy as their son always thinking the worst. The war made people do some very strange things indeed.

They came here and settled but still father in law knew nothing of Henry. Mother in law sent parcels and letters to Henry and he was never told the truth till much later on. The waters were now muddy and too late to come clean so life went on with all the lies. I still to this day can't comprehend that she was capable of just leaving her child behind. I wished I know about it earlier because I'd have loved to talk about this with her and see what makes people do things like this because I've always been of the opinion that I'd die for my kids. She died taking that to her grave. Because she was so wonderful with my kids I just couldn't fully comprehend what she did but had to just accept it.

My husband only found out by accident when he went to Poland as a 20 year old and was confronted by a man saying that he was his brother. Shock horror, he didn't know what to believe. Henry was in fact the bother he never knew he had. Now Jan knew why his mother was so edgy about his trip.

On returning home he confronted his mum and the truth unfolded but still father in law was kept in the dark. They feared as he was now 60 + perhaps it would be too much for him. My husband told his mother that if and when she dies he'll tell his dad the truth about Henry and that is exactly what he did, to the very day. I still maintain he should have waited a couple of weeks. Jan Sr. was in shock but soon came to terms with it all and 4 months later we all went to Poland to meet Henry and introduce ourselves.

It was the trip of a life time and I was saddened to know that Henry always believed we were all aware he existed. I didn't know I had this brother in law till I was 42 so I can never say my husband can't keep a secret. Imagine my joy at finding out I had another brother in law, sister in law and their kids plus grandchildren. I was over the moon but a little annoyed about not really knowing about it all that time. You think you know the man you live with but now I believe you don't. Still this new revelation had my mind in a whirl and I couldn't wait to meet all of them.

In the photos we have of Jan's mum there was never a smile. She was a loving grandmother and a wonderful mother in law and I cherish the time we had together but there was always a very haunted look about her. Now I believe this burden was more than she wished to carry.

I'm quite sure this isn't an isolated case and I still often wonder how she could ever give up Henry to her parents, but life was hard and after seeing what she saw maybe I'd do the same. The war certainly brought out the best and the worst in some people.

I'm so looking forward to his coming with his wife, who is a very motherly, matriarchal type. The mother he never had I think and I'm still working on the things to do and the Christmas gifts I need to purchase. They are used to simple pleasures so we will not be flying to Uluru or anywhere that far but they are going to Sydney with Jan's sister.

We are all aware that it will be the last time the two brothers see each other as Jan will never be able to travel again and Henry will never be able to afford it either. Jan's sister has very generously paid for the fares and holiday expenses.

He won't be able to see his mother either but we will visit the home where she lived and pay our respects with him by her graveside.

I really feel for Henry as he never knew his mother or his father. How sad is that? Wars tear families apart and I feel that time still hasn't healed the pain as I can see THAT look on Henry's face, that same haunted look that mother in law had. In fact he's his mother's double. A quiet gentle man that looks more like his mother than Jan or his sister. It's hauntingly uncanny.

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