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Date Posted: 18/05/06 1:39am
Author: C.R.A.C.K.E.D. & M.A.D. International
Subject: Re: Missing: Edward Franks Kelsone
In reply to:
Hounty Bunter
's message,
"Missing: Edward Franks Kelsone" on
17/05/06 3:39am
On Behalf of,
Creative Reenactment of Anglican Concorde Kansas city European Departures and
Manic Aircraft Demonstrators International
I would like to say some words, as ATC realized he had not filed a flight plan they certainly did the right thing. I suppose the police using the bullhorn was the ultimate cause of passenger panic, and in retrospect they should have just informed Mr. Edward Franks Kelsone that there was some lost luggage and directed him to taxi to the jet-way where passengers could be safely unloaded.
Mr. Edward Franks Kelsone, I might add was never a member of either C.R.A.C.K.E.D. & M.A.D. International, we conduct extensive background checks on ALL of our members to prevent such incidents as described. That is exactly why Creative Reenactment of Anglican Concorde Kansas city European Departures was formed so as not to confuse the public as any twit knows the Concorde never flew to Kansas City.
We at C.R.A.C.K.E.D. & M.A.D. International are appalled by Mr. Edward Franks Kelsone’s actions and the undue distress this incident has caused the public. Our organizations pride ourselves in our superior safety record, with over 30,000 flights from Heathrow Airport alone in everything from a Wright Flyer to a Airbus 300 we have never lost a passenger or their luggage. So there BOAC, American Airlines and Pan American.
Passengers wishing to book flights on either C.R.A.C.K.E.D. or M.A.D. International should consult a travel advisor and book through them, there have been a increase in rogue operators such as Virgin Atlantic in recent years who fleece passengers and actually leave them stranded in New York City.
Brian Throppington Jr.
Public Relations
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Re: Missing: Edward Franks Kelsone -- Sedgwick Beezwax Snr,
18/05/06 12:16pm
I represent the UK Branch for The Royal National Society For
Ex-Aeroplane Impersonators *(A.R.G.O.N). I hope you don`t think i`m poking my nose in but I think I can help with the sad predicament you find yourselves in. In 1968 we were in a joint-intelligence operation with Air Turkey which climaxed in one Steven Jeffries being shot down over Ankora airport. Mr Jeffries was suffering from a rare form of "Aircraft Impersonation Disorder" (A.I.D.) to such an extent that eventually, and much to everyone`s shock and horror at the time, caused him to metamorphosise occasionally into a WW2 Lancaster B Bomber. Based on our dreadful experiences at the time I am of the humble opinion that Mr Edward Franks Kelsone has the same affliction and I would like to offer my services to help locate him and shoot him out of the sky. I must pre-warn you that if you decide to take this highly recommended course of action you may be liable to a fine of at least £500,000 or a term of not less than 15 years inprisonment or both. The above penalities can and will be handed down by the Turkish Government and can be increased without warning or written notice. Based on the above facts if you would be interested in us joining forces together to rid the airways of this menace please reply at your soonest and I will set things in motion namely by getting my secretary Jim to set-up a draft contract for your very kind perusal.
* A.R.G.O.N. is a bogus "decoy" anagram as we are an ultra secretive organization.
Sincerely
Sedgwick Beezwax Snr AKA Studwick Stipple Jnr
(C)
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Re: Missing: Edward Franks Kelsone -- Inspector Dunnit,
19/05/06 5:12am
Mr Beezwax Snr,
I thank your for your kind offer.
To avoid the inconvenience of a Turkish prison, would it be possible to conduct this operation in another country?
Insp. Dunnit
>I represent the UK Branch for The Royal National
>Society For
>Ex-Aeroplane Impersonators *(A.R.G.O.N). I hope you
>don`t think i`m poking my nose in but I think I can
>help with the sad predicament you find yourselves in.
>In 1968 we were in a joint-intelligence operation with
>Air Turkey which climaxed in one Steven Jeffries being
>shot down over Ankora airport. Mr Jeffries was
>suffering from a rare form of "Aircraft Impersonation
>Disorder" (A.I.D.) to such an extent that eventually,
>and much to everyone`s shock and horror at the time,
>caused him to metamorphosise occasionally into a WW2
>Lancaster B Bomber. Based on our dreadful experiences
>at the time I am of the humble opinion that Mr Edward
>Franks Kelsone has the same affliction and I would
>like to offer my services to help locate him and shoot
>him out of the sky. I must pre-warn you that if you
>decide to take this highly recommended course of
>action you may be liable to a fine of at least
>£500,000 or a term of not less than 15 years
>inprisonment or both. The above penalities can and
>will be handed down by the Turkish Government and can
>be increased without warning or written notice. Based
>on the above facts if you would be interested in us
>joining forces together to rid the airways of this
>menace please reply at your soonest and I will set
>things in motion namely by getting my secretary Jim to
>set-up a draft contract for your very kind perusal.
>* A.R.G.O.N. is a bogus "decoy" anagram as we are an
>ultra secretive organization.
>Sincerely
>Sedgwick Beezwax Snr AKA Studwick Stipple Jnr
>(C)
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[> [>
Re: Missing: Edward Franks Kelsone -- Constable Stiffupper,
19/05/06 5:08am
>On Behalf of,
>Creative Reenactment of Anglican Concorde Kansas city
>European Departures and
>Manic Aircraft Demonstrators International
>
>I would like to say some words, as ATC realized he had
>not filed a flight plan they certainly did the right
>thing. I suppose the police using the bullhorn was the
>ultimate cause of passenger panic, and in retrospect
>they should have just informed Mr. Edward Franks
>Kelsone that there was some lost luggage and directed
>him to taxi to the jet-way where passengers could be
>safely unloaded.
>
I should like to object to your callous remarks, Sir. As a member of the airport constabulary present at this incident I will say that it was handled with the utmost professionalism. Our aviation specialists determined that the aircraft was in no condition to taxi and was significantly overweight. The safest course of action was determined to be an emergency evacuation of all involved.
I should add that I am in no way offended by your remarks, and would like avoid personal insults and slurs in this public discussion, you slimey two faced weasel headed half breed pus sucking git!
Constable Stiffupper
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Re: Missing: Edward Franks Kelsone -- Brian Throppington Jr.,
19/05/06 5:30pm
My Dear Constable Stiffupper,
How perceptive of you, your description "you slimey two faced weasel headed half breed pus sucking git!" is spot on. That is precisely why I am in Public Relations and you a member of the airport constabulary. I would also like to keep this civil, name calling and character assassination has no place here.
I suppose if I had been born to poor parents of dubious national origins, had a real penchant for taking bribes and sadistic streak that would make the Marquis himself green with envy I might have taken up being a airport constable myself. Well we really should get together for a pint or two sometime and perhaps you would like to see my truncheon collection.
Brian Throppington Jr.
Public Relations
C.R.A.C.K.E.D. & M.A.D. International
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Patient Notification - Sufferers of Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome -- Doctor Quacksalot, 19/05/06 8:22pm
Hold it right there.
I, Doctor Quacksalot, should like to point out that Constable Stiffupper suffers from Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome, and is part of the Sufferers of Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome group.
Ignore anything he has to say - he tries to keep it on a professional level but can't help himself and has to insult the recipient of his message. A daily treatment regime is available to alleviate the symptoms, though because it involves inserting a catfish into ones rectum, it is unpopular.
I also suffer from this problem, but have managed, through sheer will power, to keep it under control, you filthy badgers bottom grob snobbler.
Regards
Doctor Quacksalot
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Re: Patient Notification - Sufferers of Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome -- Archie Doright, 19/05/06 8:47pm
You bastards, you've helped me a lot.
Until you filth mongering clot heads came along I couldn't even go out in public.
Sufferers of Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome have change my life, the whole snot nosed badger vomit pus sucker lot of them.
And that pin headed turkey testicle dork dabbler Dr. Quacksalot has been a real friend.
Archie Doright
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[> [> [> [> [>
Re: Patient Notification - Sufferers of Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome -- Doctor Quacksalot, 19/05/06 8:48pm
Thankyou Archie, its very good of you to say so.
You seem to be improving, you fat hob snobbling piece of lard.
Regards
Doctor Quacksalot
>
>You bastards, you've helped me a lot.
>
>Until you filth mongering clot heads came along I
>couldn't even go out in public.
>
>Sufferers of Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome have
>change my life, the whole snot nosed badger vomit pus
>sucker lot of them.
>
>And that pin headed turkey testicle dork dabbler Dr.
>Quacksalot has been a real friend.
>
>Archie Doright
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[> [> [> [> [> [>
Re: Patient Notification - Sufferers of Hyper Internet Turette Syndrome -- Melodie Heathen, 20/05/06 1:57pm
You`re all a load of poncefaced, pugnosed, peabrained, clotheared, handelbar moustached, donutheads. If you want aggro bring it on bruvs. Come to the Alma Arms tonight and me and my hombres will wipe the floor with you!
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