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Date Posted: 05/20/10 10:24pm
I'm sorry to hear you are in this situation. Adoption is a good choice, and I'll talk about that in a minute.
You would be a poor candidate for an abortion. You really don't want one, and you wouldn't accept it readily in the long run; it could have horrible repercussions for you emotionally if you managed to escape the considerable risk of medical complications and serious damage, if not death. The suicide rate after abortion is seven times greater than it would be if the woman carried her baby to term. Abortion will also cause a woman to become much more likely to get breast cancer while she is still young, possibly in her 30's or even earlier, and it is a particularly virulent form which kills 1/4 of its victims. This is regardless of what type of abortion a woman gets. Pill abortions can cause the death of the woman in several different ways, and sometimes it takes only hours. Surgical abortions can harm a woman's future children, and cause serious birth defects. It's not worth it, and you deserve better.
As for being able to carry a baby to term, try not to worry about that. Unless you have some kind of abnormality that makes you a dwarf, there's not much chance this is a serious problem. I had a midwife who told me he had helped 11 year olds give birth to 13 pound babies, at home! If your bone structure is too small, they can do a Caesarian, but when you realize that an 11 year old isn't going to have a fully developed bone structure, you would think she wouldn't be able to give birth. But as my midwife used to say, the physical measurements aren't the whole story. I learned that a woman's body develops a substance called Relaxin. It's in the blood, and it causes the ligaments and other things to soften toward the time of birth, and helps the cervix to open. You would want to find a doctor who is willing to work with you so that possibly you won't need a Caesarian. The best place to find such doctors is usually by talking to the members of your local La Leche League, although your local organization that helps pregnant women can also be a good source of a recommendation. You can find a local organization by going to this web site:
This organization will also help you plan to meet your financial needs, and to complete your education, and yes, that can be done. How do I know? I did it. I had four children, three of them preschoolers, when I got my degree.
And by the way, I have seen very tiny women on the street who have obviously given birth, because they have children. A good many of them come from countries where Caesarian sections are not readily available. So it is reasonable to assume that they were capable of giving birth normally.
As for adoption, it's a difficult choice (though not half as difficult as abortion by far). It is a decision you should make when you are close to giving birth. Give yourself time to think about it. We adopted and raised two children, and one of our daughters has also adopted two children. We have five other children, and nobody ever thinks in terms of who is adopted. We're all just family. Our children are incredibly close, so close that they often live together to share expenses, and that includes the married ones. The grandchildren all play together splendidly, and again, nobody cares who was adopted. These days, you can have an open adoption if you like. In an open adoption, you get to choose the parents, and you can be kept informed of how your child is doing.
Your boyfriend really has no right to encourage you to have an abortion. He doesn't even have a right to abandon you. I'm not saying you have to be together or anything, but quite often, women perceive an indifferent attitude as abandonment. Your boyfriend won't suffer the medical consequences of abortion; you will. He has no right to walk away from the responsibility he created. So I would recommend you NOT discuss it with him further. Seriously.
Your baby is depending on you for your protection. If you have an abortion, your baby will experience excruciating pain. Please protect your baby.
Allow yourself to experience the joy you deserve. A baby is a wonderful blessing, even though it may not seem like it right now.
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