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Date Posted: Tue, 01/28/03 11:50am
Author: lagirl
Subject: Babies are not puppies
In reply to: Kangi 's message, "Got a question...Too old" on Tue, 01/28/03 1:21am

Predictably, it looks like everyone here is going with the "conventional wisdom" reply and will tell you that if you really want a baby, you should go ahead and have it.

But this isn't about you. No, really. It isn't. It's about bringing a child into the world and providing for that child--providing loving, caring parents in a committed relationship who are willing to do without and sacrifice in order to give this child the best possible start in life.

It's about having a child who can simultaneously make you feel that being a parent is the best thing that ever happened to you and wishing this kid had never been born.

But this is not a puppy. You don't take a kid back to the pound when the going gets tough. I don't say that to be snotty, but because I have met far too many "parents" who treat their kid like Fido, who feel that a few minutes of their time at the end of the day is all a child needs--the human equivalent of tossing a stick and playing fetch in the back yard.

Babies are forever. They are a tremendous, 24-hour-a-day burden that you are NEVER finished with until you die. They may grow up and get married and do just fine and you will STILL worry. It goes with the territory.

Babies are cute. They are sweet. They cry and fuss and then you feed them and they go to sleep and they are just darling.

Then they turn into toddlers. And they scream and rant and throw things. But they are still cute at at times. And then one day you are facing a punk-ass 13-year-old who also screams and rants and throws things. And suddenly they aren't cute any more.

That's when the going gets tough. Are you prepared for that? Nearly every kid goes through a punk-ass stage--the only difference seems to be one of degree.

I have met older mothers who were amazing--settled in their lives, much more accepting of themselves than they would have been at an earlier age. They are excellent mothers, much more so than women half their age.

And I have met women who apparently think that babies are like puppies--a spur-of-the-moment decision made with very little forethought. "Let's have a baby!" becomes a fun way to spice up their romance, until the day-to-day burden and inevitable cost of raising a child becomes too much of a strain and the man, who was never really all that ready to commit to a permanent relationship anyway and now finds that this is too much of a drag, takes a hike and we have yet another single mother and fatherless child to be compiled in the national statistics.

Be sure of your motives. Make certain you are BOTH committed to raising a child. Be aware of why you feel this sudden need to do this. Pregnancy at any age is an enormous physical burden.

And remember--this isn't about you. It's about a child. Good luck
lagirl

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