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Date Posted: Thu, Nov 06 2003, 18:13:37
Author: ohsolurid
Subject: It's the "Create Your Own Badfic Opening Line" Game!

Just a little sillyness to infect the board with. :P

<b>Here's the deal</b>:

1) Come up the worst opening line you could possibly come up with for a fanfic.

2) It can be as long or as short as you want, but it must be one line.

3) Use any weapons at your disposal. Mixed metaphors, dangling modifiers, purple prose -- hell, toss in a few biological impossibilities while you're at it.

4) Use any fandom you like.


I got the idea from this site --

<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/#The%20rules">http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/#The%20rules</a>

-- and I figured it would be simple to adapt to bad fanfiction. Hey, the fangirls do it all the time without even trying . . .


Here are three I did, for your reading (dis)pleasure:


As Aragorn rocketed with great haste over the vast plain studded with rock and rubble as if some great hulking giant had played an epic game of jacks with boulders as his pieces, his thoughts ran through his mind like a bullet train, in much the same manner that his legs ran through the wasted landscape, his feet pounding out a rhythm that might have risen from a great and thundering bongo drum that that same giant may have played in ages long past.



Bulma lay awake in her bed, alone, staring out the window into the deep dark night as she’d done so many nights to her despair, a night dark as her beloved Prince’s eyes that flashed like angry onyx when he glowered at her, denying his love for her, denying the life that was growing in her womb, laying with her own arms tucked around herself in just the way she wished Vegeta’s were while whispering his love for her when he was inside her that night so many weeks ago, knowing in her heart that Vegeta really loved her and her unborn child, deep down inside.



It was on a warm spring day that Inuyasha sat in the old hut, thinking back to his last battle, and realizing it was only by a miracle that he managed to unsheathe his sword Tetsusaiga in time to parry his brother’s blows, the two swords meeting like abusive lovers with mutant powers, glowing with angry strength like the sun on Mercury, the closest planet to our native star, which is as hot and frantic as the clashing of the two great swords, but is tacitly dissimilar to the mutually-named Sailor Mercury, whose powers of water and ice would have easily extinguished the flame of battle put forth by the two warring brothers.


Have fun!

--osl

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