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Date Posted: 17:42:04 08/16/12 Thu
Author: Martian Barb
Subject: I need another opinion....

Today, we received an invitation to our nephew's wedding in October. A very close friend's daughter is getting married the same day, but I have chosen to gomtomthe family wedding, even though I would have more fun at the friend's wedding. My question is this: should I approach my sister-in-law regarding the fact that the invitation came addresses to, Dale, Barbara, Andy, and Kevin! Considering that my two sons are adults and are both engaged to be married?

I am so upset about this. My mom was adamant about teaching my sister and me the proper way to address invitations, whether they were graduation party invitations or our wedding invitations. I told my husband the he needs to call and talk to his brother. I am done with this side of the family. If their fiance's are not invited, I will go to my friend's wedding. I need your opinions, please.

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Replies:

[> Martian Barb, are the weddings anywhere near each other? Perhaps your 'crew' could go to one wedding and one reception -- the one that would be the most fun.......? You could just explain to the parents of the couples that you didn't want to miss the festivities of either since they are both important to you. -- carramor, 19:04:41 08/16/12 Thu [1]


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[> [> Should add that you might want to clarify that your childrens intendeds' attendance was possibly an oversight.. -- carramor, 19:11:00 08/16/12 Thu [1]


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[> I think carramor's suggestion is great if you can swing it. How does your husband feel about this since it's side of the family? Would he rather go to his nephew's wedding or your friends? Is your friend also friends with your husband? Maybe you could go to your friends wedding and the rest of your family attend the family wedding? Your sons definetly should have received their own invitations, especially since they are engaged. I would let your BIL know that your sons are bring their intendeds!! -- Cathy F., 07:45:28 08/17/12 Fri [1]


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[> While I agree it's polite to allow attendees to bring a guest - if it's a big blowout wedding and they're trying to save money perhaps thats why they didn't invite the fiancees? Just a thought. -- chris k, 17:06:53 08/18/12 Sat [1]


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[> Hi everyone! The weddings are no where near each other, unfortunately. I was hoping to be able to go to one ceremony and the other's reception, but that will not be possible because of the distance.... -- Martian Barb, 19:03:00 08/18/12 Sat [1]

My husband is just as upset about this as I am. We will talk about this more tomorrow. I am sure that money is not the problem, it was definitely an oversight on their part. When all of our kids were young, they were all very close. We did everything together, but when they started school, their kids were all into sports...baseball, football, etc. Our kids were into soccer, track, cross country. The other families did not consider them "real sports!" Because of the fact that we are about 25 miles north of Pittsburgh, my kids were considered country bumpkins, although most of the houses in our area are well over one million and most of the cars parked in the parking lots of our high schools are very expensive cars! The kids have drifted apart, but I have always taught my kids that family should come first, especially in weddings, births, etc. My oldest son can not come for the wedding because they will be on vacation the week before and can't get away from work for the next weekend.

Money to this family is no problem as it is a big blow out adult reception. I just am tired of feeling like we are not members of this family because we live 30 minutes away. I feel bad for my kids because they feel like they don't belong either and don't have the kind of relationship with their cousins as I have today with mine. This will, also, be the first time in 10 years that all of my husbands siblings will be together and most of the grandchildren should be together, with the exception of the two that live out of state.

I am still at a loss of what I should do. It is difficult for me to call my brother in law and sister in law because of my feelings toward them. It really makes me sad.

Just as a side, my friend's daughter who is getting married, used to call my husband "Daddy Dale" when she was very young because her father left when she was only two years old. My kids called their dad that also. To this day, my husband has a special place in his heart for my friend's daughter. We have know this family for over 30 years.


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[> That's a really tough choice to have to make. How do your sons feel? Which wedding would they rather attend? Would it be possible for you and Dale to attend your friend's wedding and your sons (with their fiancees in your and Dale's place) to attend the family wedding? -- Lee, 10:42:14 08/19/12 Sun [1]


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[> Well, the decision has been made. We will not be attending .... -- Martian Barb, 14:22:49 08/25/12 Sat [1]

I went to the bridal shower today. My other nephew's wife asked about the adult reception. My sister in law, whose son is getting married told this girl that her children were more than welcome at hreception. I just entwined that our oldest son would not be able to attend (he lived out of state). And the sil said that she would have o talk with her son and soon to be daughter in law to see if my other two son's fianeee's could ome. That sealed he del or me that we would not be attending. I am sooo looking forward to going to my friend's daughter's wedding!


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[> [> I'm glad you are going to the wedding you want to go to Barb. However, I hope that the family dynamics aren't hurt by any of maybe/maybe not snubs. Maybe you could get around it by saying that you accepted your friend's invitation first. Obviously your in-llaws don't care about your feelings. Go to your friend's wedding without guilt and have a great time! -- Cece...not a fan of weddings., 13:11:46 08/27/12 Mon [1]


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[> [> [> After my husband and I talked again, I think the two of us will go to the nephew's ceremony and to our friend's reception. My middle son already has a wedding to go to in eastern PA and the youngest doesn't care about going. So, all is good. -- Martian Barb...thanking everyone for their advice., 08:05:49 08/28/12 Tue [1]


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