Re: Oscar sketch.. -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 21:16:50 03/02/04 Tue
Author: Hillary
Subject: Re: Oscar sketch..
In reply to: Hillary (new here) 's message, "Oscar sketch.." on 17:29:00 03/02/04 Tue

Thanks for the help.

I looked a little more on this message board and it seems to be common practice to share drafts of sketches. I'm stuck, so I will post what I have.

Don Pardo as Announcer
Colin Firth as Steven Spielberg
Seth Meyers as Tobey Maguire
Fred Armisen as Gary Ross
Horatio Sanz as Frank Marshalls
Rachel Dratch as Kathleen Kennedy
Jimmy Fallon as Legolas
Darrell Hammond as Aragorn
Chris Kattan (Special Guest) as Gollum

(�Academy Awards 2004� return-from-commercial screen�)
Announcer: And now for the moment you�ve all been waiting for, the Academy announces the winner for Best Picture.

(Stage, Steven Spielberg standing at the podium, about to open the envelope. He looks somewhat bored, he pretty much knows who the winner will be.)
Spielberg: And the Oscar goes to�(Actor opens envelope, reads it. Squints at it again, to make sure he�s read it right. Pause as Spielberg stares in shock at the card. He finally reads it.) �Seabiscuit! (A pause, then scattered applause, the producers of Seabiscuit walk onstage.)

Ross: Wow. I really can�t believe this. This is truly�

Maguire: (Nudges Ross out of the way, slowly. He speaks and moves very slowly.) Hey! I can�t believe this!�There are so many�people�I�d like�to thank. First and foremost�I�d like to thank God for�

(An arrow shot from off the left side of the screen hits Maguire mid-sentence, and he stiffly crumples to the ground. Legolas stomps on stage.)

Legolas: You think you�re sooo badass, don�t you, because you can ride a horse? Well guess what? I can too! And I�m prettier.

(The other producers are looking confused and horrified when Aragorn strides up from the other side of the stage and whacks them all over with the flat of his sword. They fall over like a stack of dominoes.)

Aragorn: You think you can make a stupid movie about a friggin� horse and defeat Return of the King for Best Picture? Not if I have anything to say about it! Legolas, where is the Oscar?

(Legolas is looking inside the podium)

Legolas: Ahh�I can�t seem to find it.

Aragorn: (Turns to the announcers angrily) Where is it?

(The announcers are looking confused when a taunting, familiar voice echoes around them, and they all look to see where it�s coming from.)

Gollum: We won�t let the stupid mens or elveses get it, noo, preciouss�

(Legolas suddenly points towards the audience; camera shows Gollum...)

Obviously, Gollum has the Oscar. I'm not sure where to put him though...I thought maybe he could be sitting in the audience between two starlets, presumably played by Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler. I'm not sure who they should be, though. I think Paris Hilton was there, but maybe the Paris jokes are getting old.

Or, if you can think of something funnier, other comments, etc., let me know.

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Replies:

Kinda a weird way to go... -- JPIII, 07:39:26 03/03/04 Wed
- Re: Kinda a weird way to go... -- Hillary, 16:14:00 03/03/04 Wed