Coffee -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 13:17:11 10/28/06 Sat
Author: jennings
Subject: Coffee
In reply to: jennings 's message, "hugh laurie sketches" on 13:12:12 10/28/06 Sat

�Coffee�
Written by Mark Jennings Reese II

Jesse Jackson...Darrell Hammond
Larry King...Fred Armisen
Waiter...Bill Hader

Details: Jesse Jackson meets Larry King for coffee

(Fade in)

(Jesse Jackson sits a table outside a posh up-scale coffee house in Beverly Hills)

(Larry King approaches the table)

Jesse Jackson: Larry! Larry, over here!

Larry King: Jesse Jackson, thank you for meeting me here. Sorry, I�m late. The valet was on of those dirty stoners.

Jesse Jackson: I understand, Larry. The world is filled with demons and crazy semens. You can�t be too careful in this place. This place we live in that is so filled with hate.

Larry King: WE�LL BE TAKING YOUR CALLS IN A MOMENT! Jesse, have you ordered yet?

Jesse Jackson: I did not feel the need to order until you have arrived, therefore my answer to the question, with a process of elimination, is left to be �no�.

Larry King: Very good. You know what�s good here?

Jesse Jackson: I have never been. I�m a little girl, with a red-hood on, lost in the woods, trying to find my way to Grandma�s house. I just hope there are no werewolves when I GET TO GRANDMA�S HOUSE!

Larry King: Jesse, no need to fear. I�m here if you need some advice on what to order.

Jesse Jackson: I�d like to order, but I don�t know how. I�m like a young man, about to have sex for the first time. I�m about to break the seam of the condom and then before you know it, my erection is gone.

Larry King: Very good.

(A waiter approaches)

Waiter: Good afternoon, gentlemen. Are you ready to order?

Jesse Jackson: I�d like to order, but I have not yet seen a menu. A menu might give me an idea of what to order in a place like this. Although, menus just limit the choices we can or cannot make in this world.

Waiter: Eh, would you like to hear what we have to offer here?

Jesse Jackson: Offer me this, offer me that. I ask you please, make sure the coffee cup has a cap!

Larry King: He�ll have the house blend decaf.

Waiter: Very good. And for you?

Larry King: I�ll have the same.

Waiter: Very good. (Begins to walk away)

Jesse Jackson: (gets up from his chair and starts preaching to the other patrons) WHY DO WE DRINK THE COFFEE? WHY DO WE DRINK THE TEA? I�D LIKE TWO SUGAR AND A LITTLE EXTRA CREAM! COFFEE AND CREAM, SUGAR AND TEA! I DRINK, YOU DRINK, WE DRINK COFFEE FOR THE LOVE OF CAFFINE! I PREACH MY SOUL FOR THE GOODWILL OF COFFEE AND TEA! I TESTIFY, LARRY KING!

(Jesse Jackson drops to the floor)

(The crowd outside the coffeehouse starts applauding Jackson�s preaches)

(Close-up on Larry King)

Larry King: More with Jesse Jackson after this commercial break.

(Fade out)

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Replies:

hugh laurie's monologue -- jennings, 13:54:28 10/28/06 Sat

Good monologue, Mark. -- Jim Bevan, 14:42:49 10/28/06 Sat