Re: You asked for it...you got it! Jennings Reviews the Phillip Seymour Hoffmann episode -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, [7], 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 21:56:14 08/16/04 Mon
Author: jennings, the writer
Subject: Re: You asked for it...you got it! Jennings Reviews the Phillip Seymour Hoffmann episode
In reply to: Jennings, the writer 's message, "You asked for it...you got it! Jennings Reviews the Phillip Seymour Hoffmann episode" on 21:34:26 08/16/04 Mon

My review of Weekend Update with Tina

In Britain, a government-sponsored study has reported finding environmentally significant levels of Prozac in the country's drinking water. When asked to comment, one government official said �There�s Prozac in the water? That�s great. Everything is just so great.�.

>> I get it, because Prozac is suppose to make you upbeat, right?

According to new research, farmed salmon contain high levels of flame-retardant chemicals known as PBDE�s. While that may not be good health news, it�s great news for people like me who just can�t get the hang of cooking salmon.

>> ah...I got it. Good!

A chain of private schools in California, where immigrant students learned that there are 53 states, 4 branches of the U.S. government and that Word War II took place between 1938 to 1942, were shut down this week. Though disappointed, one student was philosophical about the closure, saying, "Oh well, that�s the way the banana crumbles."

>> nice!

In Rome, a man was arrested when he was found to have thrown nearly half a dozen hamsters off of his neighborhood terrace. The real sad news in this story is authorities were still unable to save Flipper from being harpooned by the same man.

>> eh

In the world of nature, a group of super ants in Argentina have taken over nearly 60 miles worth of land for their own. The only downside is their questionable leader who has sent many ants to die trying to take over a faraway picnic.

>> ha ha!

Thousands of gay marriages made by the lawyer of San Francisco were voided by the Supreme Court saying that the Mayor had overstepped his powers. In response to this, the mayor said, and I quote: "Oh no you didn�t!"

>> okay...predictable

In medical news, scientists found that the abortion drug RU486 has no affect on later pregnancies that may happen. However when you take LV-426 you just get creatures dripping acid on you, big explosions, and an ass kicking from Sigourney Weaver.

>> an ALIEN joke!

Earlier this week Tigger was announced not guilty of charges that he had allegedly fondled a young girl while she was having her picture taken at Disney World. Tigger and the gang though is still under scrutinous eyes after Piglet�s shocking sex change. Seriously, does anybody which sex Piglet is?

>> hehe!

Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams of �Laverne and Shirley� fame were both given stars on the coveted Hollywood walk of fame. In a related story �Lenny and Squiggy� were both honored by being given 10% off on their latest order at Domino�s Pizza�

>> I like the joke, but when you write jokes like that, David Lander sends you a postcard say, "Up your nose with a rubber hose!" So maybe writing a joke is worth it

Toys "R" Us may be looking to exit the children's toy business in the near future, as it feels that chain is no longer profitable. CEO John Eyler expects the business to continue by focusing on different age groups, such as their profitable Babies "R" Us and the new adult toy chain Dildos "R" Us.

>> okay...not great thou

China's first nude beach was quickly shut down this week as the country's leaders realized they hadn't been doing enough to oppress their citizens lately.

>> hehe!

Gene Moore, University of Florida's cheerleading coach, was fired for allowing his athletes to wear shirts listing "10 Reasons to Cheer Naked." He claimed it was the students' idea, and that in his defense, at least he got them to wear the shirts. Slightly distressing was reason #3: "Because the guys on the team would like to prove they actually have penises." The smoking gun, however, was reason #1: "Because Gene Moore is taping it all and promises good money and free booze once he gets a distribution deal." Miramax is currently in negotiations.

>> good one!

A researcher at MIT has determined which vowel sounds make a name sexy. As expected, men are just looking for women with a large set of umlauts.

>> okay. i liked it

In a shocking Olympic upset, the Iraq men�s soccer team upset powerhouse Portugal in a come-from-behind 4-2 win. Upon hearing the news the U.S. men�s soccer team immediately invaded the victors' locker room and stole all their Gatorade.

>> hehe!

It seems former tennis star John McEnroe's new talk show, which has earned two ratings of 0.0, is being greeted by TV viewers with love. Station execs were further alarmed to find that the statistic of 40,000 viewers actually just means 3.

>> i wrote a joke about this story, but I still think mine was better. this has a shaky punchline.

That's it for this review of Update.

I have both the features and about 10 or 11 of the jokes. good job guys!!

Next up...Dave Chappelle!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]