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Date Posted: 22:55:51 07/30/04 Fri
Author: jennings
Subject: Re: New Sketch --- “The O’Reilly Factor with guest Michael Moore”
In reply to: the writer 's message, "New Sketch --- “The O’Reilly Factor with guest Michael Moore”" on 22:54:40 07/30/04 Fri

“The O’Reilly Factor with guest Michael Moore”
Written by Mark Jennings Reese II


Bill O’Reilly…Jeff Richards
Michael Moore…Jeff Richards

(Fade in)

Bill O’Reilly: Caution…you’re about to enter the NO SPIN ZONE…the factor is coming right up.

(The O’Reilly Factor opening montage runs)

Hello, I’m Bill O’Reilly and it’s time for the truth, but before we do that, I think it’s only fair to subject the viewers at home to at least 5 minute of looking at this fat slob, to my right. He is filmmaker Michael Moore. Now Mr. Moore, you are the jumbo size Abby Hoffman, who has been causing a media ruckus of the political playing field with your controversial films like “Bowling for Columbine” and the recent Hollywood flop “Fahrenheit 9/11”. You are on my show, you have at least 500 million people watching, why don’t you take this opportunity to…I don’t know, apologize for your poor, poor judgment!

Michael Moore: Well, Bill, I want to thank you for letting me on your show, but I do want just say, that my judgment is not poor by any means. And another thing, “Fahrenheit 9/11” is and was not a Hollywood flop. In fact, it just passed the $100 million mark, making it the first documentary to make more than $100 million.

Bill O’Reilly: I don’t know, Michael! I don’t buy that. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I mean, let’s look at your film. It starred the Olson Twins! Anyone else see a problem here? You’ve got Mary-Kate and then you’ve got Ashley, and you know what, when push comes to shove, I don’t see where the Olson twins are going to come in contact with the whole 9/11 ‘controversial’ event, as you so like to call it.

Michael Moore: Bill, I have no idea what the hell you are saying! Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson were in “New York Minute” and not my film.

Bill O’Reilly: I don’t know, Michael. I went to a movie theatre, paid to see “Fahrenheit 9/11” and all I saw on the screen was Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson running a muck around New York City. Mr. Moore, have to ask you, what do the Olson twins have to do with the World Trade Center?

Michael Moore: Bill, they don’t have anything to do with the World Trade Center…they were not in my film “Fahrenheit 9/11”. They were in “New York Minute”.

Bill O’Reilly: You know what, Michael…I’m going to give you a New York minute to answer my question! I’ll ask you again, what do the Olson Twins have to do with the World Trade Center?

Michael Moore: Nothing! Nothing! The Olson twins were not in my movie! Are you on crack or something?

Bill O’Reilly: Mr. Moore, I’m going to have to ask you to change the tone of voice. But if I may say myself, maybe you should start smoking crack. It may help you get rid of that spare tire of yours. Call Rush Limbaugh, I’m sure he knows a guy that can hook you up.

Michael Moore: I don’t have time for this crap. I’m leaving!

(Moore walks off the set)

Bill O’Reilly: Well, I guess my guest and myself will have to agree to disagree. Well, when we come back, I’m going to interview two bums who use to be known as “The Corey’s”. Professional hobos Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are up next, as they discuss their off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway musical, “We Use To Be Teen Idols, now we’ll suck your cock for a dollar!” It’s so off Broadway that it’s on the sidewalk. We’ll be back with more here on FOX News. The News Network of Truth!

(Moore walks back on the set)

Michael Moore: (shouting) You know what, you’re a goddamn liar!

Bill O’Reilly: (to Moore) Easy Al Franken’s boyfriend! (Into camera) We’ll be right back!

(Fade out)

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