Re: The Reality Game Show Network -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 14:59:46 05/06/04 Thu
Author: jafi.com
Subject: Re: The Reality Game Show Network
In reply to: jafi.com 's message, "The Reality Game Show Network" on 13:03:04 05/06/04 Thu

The Game Show News Network by Jafi.com

CAST
Announcer-Chris Parnell
"WMDH"
Tony Blair-Seth Meyers
Hanz Blix-Darrell Hammond
David Kay-Chris Parnell
"TNLC"
Ben Stein-Seth Meyers
Contestant 1-Will Forte
Contestant 2-Rachel Dratch
Condoleeza Rice-Maya Rudolph
George Tenet-Chris Parnell
Colin Powell-Darrell Hammond
Himself-Snoop Dogg

"TNHR"
Alex Trebek-Will Ferrell (guest)
Dick Cheney-Darrell Hammond
Himself-Donald Trump

SCENE BEGINS WITH VIDEO ADVERTISEMENT FOR THE REALITY GAME SHOW NETWORK
THE GAME SHOW NEWS NETWORK LOGO FLIES INTO FRAME

Announcer V/O-(excited) Are you looking for more of the reality television you crave?

Want to know what's going on in the world, but don't like to read?

Want to be 75 percent entertained and 25 percent informed?

Then the newest cable channel was made just for you.

It's the Game Show News Network.

And just take a look at our lineup.

First, we have a return of a classic updated for the 21st century.

SHOW LOGO FOR "WMDH"

It's "Weapons of Mass Destruction Hunt" with your host,...

British Prime Minister Tony Blair!

CUT TO THE SET OF WMDH WHERE TONY BLAIR IS SEEN WITH
HANS BLIX AND DAVID KAY
HANS BLIX IS JUMPING UP AND DOWN

Tony Blair-Okay now Mr. Blix, you are the one who found the Osama in the box, and you will now play Weapons of Mass Destruction Hunt.

(turning toward David Kay's and shaking his hand-sullen)

I'm sorry David. You were just outclassed. We have some tremendous parting gifts for you and thank you for playing.

(turning excitedly back to Blix)-Okay, Mr Blix. It's time to play Weapons of Mass Destruction Hunt!

As you see behind me,...
(pointing behind himself)
there are 100 barrells of nuclear waste water numbered 1 through 100.

Now, inside of one of those barrels is a piece of depleted uranium.

If you find the barrel with the depleted uranium in less than 45 minutes...(correcting himself)
Ahem...I'm sorry, 45 seconds.
You will win a fabulous prize, which is,...
(opening the prize envelope)
A new elementary school named after you in the new republic of Iraq!

RETURN TO GSNN LOGO SCREEN
RETURN ANNOUNCER

Announcer-(still excited)-And if you think that's great, how about the return of another classic game show.

SHOW LOGO FOR "TNLC"

It's the "New Liars Club" with your host Ben Stein...
...and members of the Bush Cabinet

CUT TO TNLC SET WHERE BEN STEIN GREETS EVERYONE BACK FROM COMMERCIAL
THE TWO CONTESTANTS SITS AT OPPOSITE SIDES

Ben Stein-(sleepily)-Welcome back to the "New Liars Club"...
I'm still Ben Stein...
and I am still not "Deepthroat".

And now it's time for the next round.
Remember contestants...only one of the four panelists is telling the truth about the item they are given.

Let's begin. Condoleeza, take the cover off of the item in front of you and tell us what you believe that it is...

And while you do that...I'm going to take a nap.
(Stein grabs a pillow and lays his head on the desk)

CONDOLEEZA TAKES THE COVER OFF OF THE ITEM
THE ITEM APPEARS TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN AN ORDINARY ALUMINUM CAN

Condoleeza Rice-Oh, It's definately yellow cake from Niger.
Here you go George.

CONDEE PASSES THE CAN TO GEORGE

George-It appears to be an aluminum fuel rod for enriching uranium. Of course, that's just my opinion.
Here you go Colin.

GEORGE PASSES THE CAN TO COLIN

Colin-(honestly) It appears to be a simple alumium can...

COLIN IS THEN SHOCKED IN THE BACK WITH CATTLE PROD FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN

Colin-(shocked, literally)-...um...um...that Saddam Hussein most likely drank from...Yeah, that's the ticket.
Here you go Snoop.

COLIN FINALLY HANDS THE CAN TO SNOOP

Snoop-Oh, damn man! This is just a damn tin can. If someone give me some scissors...I can make it into a nice bong.

RETURN TO GSNN LOGO
RETURN ANNOUNCER

Announcer-And if that wasn't good enough, how about the return of the greatest game show ever!

SHOW LOGO FOR TNHR

Announcer-It's the "New High Rollers"...with the original host of the show..Alex Trebek!

CUT TO SET OF TNHR
CUT TO CLOSE UP OF WILL FERRELL AS ALEX TREBEK

Alex Trebek-Thank you. I'm Alex Trebek...and I am doing this to pay off gambling debts.

(turning towards Dick Cheney)
Mr. Cheney...so far you and Halliburton have won 10 of the 12 Iraqi rebuilding contracts on the board.
(pointing to the number board)
...and it is still your roll.

Dick-Thank you Alex...
(talking to the dice)
Come on baby! Daddy wants a clean sweep!

THE DICE ROLL IS A 6

Alex-Dick you have rolled a 6.

Dick-I'll take the 1 and the 5, Alex.

Alex-Good job, Dick. You have swept all 12 contracts for Halliburton.

WINNERS MUSIC PLAYS

Alex-(sullen)-I'm sorry Mr. Trump, but you really didn't get into the game.

Donald-(angry)-Hold it right there, you Canadian commie bastard! I run my own damn casino you know! You don't think I know what a pair of loaded dice looks like?

I'm going to buy this network and then fire your frog ass!

Alex, very soon...I'll be saying to you...
(with hand gesture)
"YOU'RE FIRED!"

RETURN GSNN LOGO
RETURN ANNOUNCER

Announcer-All of this and more coming this June to the Game Show News Network. Call your local cable operator for availablity.

FADE OUT

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Replies:

The Game Show News Network (NT) -- jafi.com, 15:02:58 05/06/04 Thu