Re: Mad TV vs SNL -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 16:50:23 05/13/04 Thu
Author: jafi.com
Subject: Re: Mad TV vs SNL
In reply to: jafi.com 's message, "Mad TV vs SNL" on 12:40:02 05/13/04 Thu

MAD TV VS SNL BY JAFI.COM

CAST

Mary Kate Olson
Ashley Olson

MAD TV SNL

Michael McDonald Will Forte
Frank Caliendo Chris Parnell
Bobby Lee Rachel Dratch
Ike Barinholz Jimmy Fallon
Mo Collins Maya Rudolph
Stephnie Weir Amy Poehler
Paul Vogt Horatio Sanz
Ron Pederson Fred Armisen
Josh Meyers Seth Meyers
Aries Spears Fineese Mitchell
Kenan Thompson
Darrell Hammond
Tina Fey
Lorne Michaels

Jimmy Fallon-Jeff Zucker

SCENE BEGINS WITH A RETURN TO SHOW OVERLAY OF SNL FEATURING THE OLSON TWINS.

THE SNL END MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

CUT TO THE OLSON TWINS AND FULL CAST SAYING THEIR GOODNIGHTS AT CENTER STAGE

Mary Kate Olson-(excited) Thank you so very much for watching!

Ashley Olson-(excited too) We've had a great time hosting this week!

Mary Kate Olson-Thanks also to J-Kwon,
(shrugging shoulders)
...whoever he is!

Ashley Olson-Also, thanks to Lorne Michaels, the entire cast and the crew. Thanks for watching. Goodnight!

THE SNL END MUSIC SUDDENLY GROWS LOUDER AND THE END CREDITS START TO ROLL

ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CREDIT ROLL STOPS IN PLACE
AND A SCRATCH OF A VINYL RECORD IS HEARD
THE SNL END MUSIC STOPS
THE STUDIO LIGHTS BEGIN TO FLICKER ON AND OFF
EVERYONE ON STAGE IS LOOKING AROUND TO SEE WHATS GOING ON

Tina Fey-(looking around, shocked)- What the hell is going on around here?! It's not like GE to forget to pay the electric bill.

Jimmy Fallon-(shocked)-I don't know what's going on Tina.
All I know is that it's quiet.
(to camera)...Too quiet.

THUNDER IS HEARD AND THE LIGHTS FLASH AGAIN AS
THE OLSON TWINS SCATTER OUT THE CENTER DOOR
THE CAST OF SNL QUICKLY MOVE STAGE RIGHT
SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSIC IS PLAYED
SPLIT SCREEN SHOT MOVES IN FROM LEFT SHOWING THE CAST OF MAD TV IN LA
MAD TV ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SCREEN
SNL ON THE RIGHT SIDE

Darrel Hammond-(with Donald Trump inpersonation and hand gesture)-Who ARE these guys? I never seen them before.

Will Forte-I have. On a UHF channel.

Jimmy Fallon-It's the cast of Mad TV. A spin-off of the "A-Team."

Tina Fey-That's a good one Jimmy.

Jimmy-Yeah. And you can't steal it.

Tina-(groaning)-Ohhhhhhhh!

TIGHT SHOT ON ARIES

Aries Spears-(like Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction)-All right SNL!
Your day of reckoning is at hand!
Mad TV has arrived!

All this time...we have waited and prepared for this very day!
And now, WE will release OUR brand of sketch comedy with furious vengenence...right here...on N...B...C.

Horatio Sanz-Well, well, well. Look at what we have here.
The Clippers of sketch comedy, Mad TV.

Amy Poehler-No way Horatio, more like the Knicks of sketch comedy.

Horatio-Amy, the Knicks play in New York.

Amy-I'm sorry. I don't keep up with sports.

Finesse Mitchell-(angry, breaking through the pack)-Hey Mad TV! You better not step up unless you want to get messed up!

Kenan Thompson-(hiding behind Finesse)-Yeah! What he said!

Finesse-(to Kennan)-Kennan, shut the hell up!

Kenan-(sheepishly, lowering head)-Okay.

Aries-Enough talking already! You guys ready for a throwdown DELUXE!

Seth-(very white)-We were born ready!

THE REST OF THE SNL CAST LOOKS STRANGELY AT SETH

Seth-(stepping back)-All right. Too white, got it.

Josh-Ha, Seth! You got played out!

Aries-(pie facing Josh)-Shut up Josh, you came out of the same damn woman.

All right! Pair off and REGULATE!

AN UNKNOWN VOICE IS THEN HEARD FROM OFF STAGE ON THE SNL SIDE

Unknown V/O-Excuse me kids....

Aries-Who the hell said that?!

A TV IS LOWERED ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE SPLIT SCREEN
THE TV SHOWS JIMMY FALLON AS PRESIDENT OF NBC ENTERTAINMENT
JEFF ZUCKER

Jeff Zucker-(on TV, with hand gestures)-Hello, everyone...
I'm NBC President of Entertainment...Jeff Zucker.

APPLAUSE FILL

Jeff-Contrary to popular belief...I would love to see a dirty sketch comedy throwdown grab-ass.

But to be honest...it's unfair to both sketch comedy shows to make them compete sketch for sketch.

The only way I see...to stop this bloody sketch comedy war is through...

Jimmy-(questioning)-Sketch comedy?

Jeff-(correcting)-No...through feats of athletic competition.

Jimmy-(confused)What?...A damn "Battle of the Network Sketch Comedy Stars."

Paul Vogt-(breaking through the pack) I call kayak race!

Aries-Shut up, Paul.

Jeff-Thanks Jimmy...You have just come up with the title for our newest show...and since your still under contract with NBC until THIS show is complete...your idea has now become property of the NBC television network.

Jimmy-(angry)-SON OF A (BLEEP)!!!!!

Jeff-(to Mad Tv)-So how about it Mad TV? You guys up to the challenge?

Aries-Damn right, we are! Fly us out there and we'll get it on! We'll even give you home turf advantage! Age before beauty, after all!

Jeff-What the heck do you think this is...The Maury Povich Show! You think we're going to fly you in for free!

The most cost effective way to make this dream a reality is through the magic of split-screen technology.

Both teams will compete in tests of strength, speed, and skill.

Mad TV will compete from Los Angeles, while SNL will compete from New York.

Of course, the battle will be broadcast on the NBC television network as a summer special...shown on a sunday...in between two episodes of Dateline NBC.

Michael McDonald- Wow! NBC burying a show on a Sunday. Now that's original.

Jeff-Okay, okay. Nevertheless, I honestly believe that this show can catch the 18 to 35 age demographic that we're so desperately looking for. Isn't that right Lorne Michaels?

Lorne Michaels-(walk-on, drinking a martini)-That's right Jeff.

Jeff-Thanks, Lorne. You're cameo is complete. You can go home now.

Lorne-Thank god.

Jeff-(to all)-So, why doesn't everyone go ahead and pick a fight with a cast member from the other show for intrigue's sake. I'll be in my ivory tower if you need me. So long.

THE TV RAISES BACK UP INTO THE RAFTERS

Aries-Okay, it's showtime! Hurry up! Step up to the plate!

Ike Barinholz-I'll be first. I'll take on Fallon.

Jimmy-Well, if it isn't "me" light.

Tina-Yeah, you tell him Jimmy.

Jimmy-Give me a break, Tina.

Ike-Well, if it isn't the mysterious FallonFey.
Let me check my Dungeon Masters Guide and see what armor class you guys are.

Jimmy-You still play that crap!

Ike-No, I just still have from when I was a kid...Yeah, that's all.

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Replies:

Re: Mad TV vs SNL -- jafi.com, 23:23:13 05/13/04 Thu
- Re: Mad TV vs SNL -- observer, 15:13:13 05/14/04 Fri
  - I agree with observer -- Jim Bevan, 15:21:33 05/14/04 Fri