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Subject: Going Crazy Author: leah [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 12/16/08 10:52am Please please can someone help me sort through this?????? I am 9weeks pregnant and whats supposed to be a blessing is starting to feel more like a curse. I was raised catholic so I know all the reasons to not have an abortion,yet I don't know what to do. I am in relationship and have been for 2years I have had a previous abotion that really hurt me I still ahve to have counselling. I know this should be reason enough not to go thri=ough with a second one.Adoption is not right for me selfish I know I guess I am the kind of person these boards don't like????I have not told my partner about this preg because it was 2 years ago with him that I had my previous one,we thought it would have been the best thing to do because we both felt we couldn't do it. Even though we both have a child from a previous relationship,mine chose to stay w dad because I had relocated and his stays w the mom,we are both active in the the lives of our kids.He is scared of the mom of his existing child not lettimg him have any access(even though by law it is illegal we know) and thinks that another child will def push her to do this. I don't want him to lose contact with the child so ya we should get a lawyer by the time all is said and done she could take off to anywhere before it even hits the courts and then we would have to locate the ex. I know this all sounds so trivial,but to me its not,I don't even know how to tell him Im preg because I don't even want to hear the words maybe you should have an abortion......I know! I think he would eventually come around to the idea in all honesty because we do love each other even if the relationship is kinda messy I guess. I live in Canada also just so everyone knows. I don't think I can tell him to his face would a letter be stupid???? So many unanswered questions and I feel stuck and lost and alone...... [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/17/08 10:49am Hi Leah, Welcome to the forum! I'm really glad you found this little corner of the internet. There are many awesome women here. You're definitely not 'the kind of person people on these boards don't like.' Just so you know. :) We're all human together. I found it easy to understand and empathize with much of your post. A couple of things came to mind as I was reading. First of all, I think the idea of writing to let your baby's father know of his/her existence is a great idea. I'm a big fan of putting somewhat complex situations/communication down in writing because it eliminates interrupting, hasty comments, and frazzled communication on the part of the communicator. It's not for everyone, but if you express yourself well in writing (seems you do) I think it is a great idea, personally. Second, most unplanned pregnancies come with challenging circumstances, so you're not alone. The best encouragement I can think of is to make a decision as huge as life or death for your little one based on the 'bigger truths' not shifting circumstances. If you believe this is a new human life growing inside of you, and you recognize that you were wounded and traumatized from your last abortion, I think your healthy conscience that won't let you fall into denial about the subject is a blessing. Circumstances - whether they are financial, relational, or otherwise are always morphing and changing. But abortion is permanent. If you know this, and know yourself and how you respond to the bigger truths, I would prioritize and let these prevail. When you work from the top down like that, it has a way of helping the other lesser issues/circumstances resolve themselves more easily. This must be very difficult for you to be 9 weeks and still wrestling with unrest about the subject and not having told the father. I will pray for you that you find peace swiftly about the matter, and that you will be held and strengthened by the God who made both you and your little one. His grace and power are definitely much greater than the affairs of this world, and He knows us even better than we know ourselves. Please post as often as you like to decompress. And be sure to take good care of yourself. May you find peace and even joy in the storm. With Kindness, Heather

[> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/18/08 4:50pm Thank-you for taking the time to read my post,I really do appreciate that. It is really hard these days to make sense of anything. I keep seeking out an answer that seems to be eluding me and the more I try to find "the right thing to do" the more confused I become. I know there are no easy answers to a situation as this,it's just that everytime I seem to be ok and to be coming to an answer some little nagging doubt pops up and i dwell on it until it has festered into something HUGE. I try to pray but often don't feel worthy because it is not something I do everyday,why should or would god want to help someone who only calls on him when in trouble? The arguements with my partner are increasing substantially because I just want to scream at him to understand me,but he has no clue....I feel still so lost and stuck and afraid and alone....

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/18/08 6:34pm Hi, Leah, It is true there are no easy answers. And you already know that abortion isn't an answer. Follow your heart. I think writing is a very good idea. As far as your partner is concerned, it is rare for a guy truly to understand our thoughts. That's why we have girlfriends, and it's why a lot of us come here to post and talk to women. He has a few issues of his own. He will have to work through them, and it is important to give him time and space to do so. He probably won't start to deal with it in a constructive way until you are in the second trimester, so don't be surprised. I do agree that we don't know how his ex will react. Obviously, it is important to discuss what to do if she does, but please don't let that become a factor in your thoughts and actions. Obviously you have to think about it, but it's not the thing that should determine your actions. And please keep in mind that given the difficulties you face, doubts are perfectly natural. Just remember that your baby is depending on you for your protection. He or she is already complete, just very small. He or she is moving around, dreaming, reacting to sounds, and so forth. If you have not already done so, please see if you can look at an ultrasound. It is time for you to "meet" your baby. :) Please take care. We'll be here for you. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/18/08 7:56pm Leah, Very true about there being no easy answers. Sometimes life makes us feel so vulnerable. I'll continue praying for peace for you - resolve and peace. This is just my opinion, but "Why would God bother listening to someone who only calls on Him when they are in trouble?" Because He knows our frame, and is the Author of grace. I remember being so struck by the song "Amazing Grace" once Christ drew me to Himself. Like most everyone else I'd heard the song a million times, but never was struck by what was so 'amazing' about grace until I knew I was before God. If it's of encouragement and hope to you, He is sovereign over all things, and He is also benevolent. Even if you don't 'feel' like you think you should when praying, don't let that stop you. He is faithful to hear those who call to Him from a sincere heart. As Jesus said Himself, "it isn't the well who need a physician, but the sick." We all share the same weakness of human sin and frailty running through us; which is God gave us a Savior, not a list of rules of how to get life right. :) I'm sorry you and your boyfriend are having so many fights right now. I know it doesn't help a whole lot at the time, but a lot of it is probably due to the phenomenal stress levels of things being unresolved and still scary, etc. Plus, don't forget - you've got all kinds of hormones going on right now. One thing thing I've found 100% helpful during times of significant stress is sleep. It's part of the package of not forgetting to take good care of yourself even in the midst of things on your mind that seem so much important to be thinking about. Hang in there; this is probably the most difficult time of the whole matter. With Kindness, Heather

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/19/08 6:34pm Hi ladies I keep coming back here I hope thats okay? Right now I am feeling some peace I was just looking at a parenting message board and saw a bunch of pictures of children,from newborn and up,but there was 2 pics that really struck me,one was of a newborn sleeping and so peaceful and the other of a little girl about 4 maybe dressed up in a sparkly witches costume. I don't know why but they just hit home and I couldn't stop smiling,I don't know where things will go with my partner because they aren't looking so hot right now,but I have been trying to put faith in that it will work out,and I really mean it when I say putting my faith out there,I have a feeling deep deep down that things will be okay with him,but then that stupid nagging little doubt saying what if it doesn't,what if I never speak to him again,I know there is nothing I can do to predict or control the future but I really am soooooo very much in love with him,but then I ask myself why the doubts. Does anyone know why we doubt ourselves?any insights??????? I can now picture myself with this baby,I went for my first pre-natal exam today(yup I scheduled it awhile back even tho I am not 100% sure yet as to what I am going to do,I had an ultrasound and saw the tiny little heart) I am trying to pray for guidance I really need help in that department ALOT!I wish there could be a simple clear sign or something as to what I should do,I know alot of people think seeing the baby should be it,but I am still kind of unsure...stupid I know. I also find alot of peace coming here to this site it seems to be really helping me through this,so i have a question are there any pregnancy resource centres in Canada loke the one's you have posted on other pages from the states? My emotions ebb and flow it seems every 5 minutes and my stress is still really high,I know I need to find an answer in my own heart and mind I just need some help along the way in finding it. I also wanted to share a story last winter I was visiting with a mutual friend of mine and my boyfriend in all actuality I had a few to many glasses of wine,and we were talking about life and relationships regrets etc and I told him about my abortion and I was crying and crying and he told me at that time that I didn't need to do that that if I ever was in that situation again to just have the baby,he went on to tell me that his dad hadn't wanted him at first and that his mom had been pretty much alone for quite some time,and that he turned out ok. He is avery good friend and has helped me out many times and I really do believe the world is a better place because he's in it(well my world anyways lol) That was the only time we ever talked about it,but we have had many other long talks about all kinds of things,I don't know why that keeps sticking in my head but I keep going back to it and think of him often,we are not in the same town currentlyI mean his mom did such a great job he is an awesome guy I really don't get why he's still even single lol.....just those words that night they stick in my mind. I have actually even thought about giving his name as a second name if I have the baby.....sounds crazy huh. I am going to continue to pray even for a little peace to this situation thank-you for keeping in touch with me I really do appreciate it.

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/19/08 10:19pm Hi Leah, I don't know what part of Canada you live in, but here's a link with a lot of pregnancy centers there. A lot of women who found these places to be lifelines of unconditional support and assistance. They really seem to understand pregnant women and the unique set of intense emotions they experience when in the middle (especially in the beginning) of an unplanned pregnancy. http://www.ramahinternational.org/canada.html I hope you post back with an update if you visit one. I'm thankful you're finding small spots of calm in the storm - like being able to 'see yourself with the baby.' I wish you were close enough to give a hug of encouragement to! Just keep holding on the greater truths beyond the things that stress us out in the temporal here. That's great that you made it to your prenatal. My husband and I had two children that were 'unplanned.' They are, of course, people of inexpressible joy to us now, but I remember the feelings at the first prenatal, and more specifically, when first finding out I was pregnant "again." But now - I just couldn't imagine life without them. Their sweet faces and smiles are such peace to me. I found the history you gave of your friend who gave you the wisdom and support of reminding you that you didn't 'have' to have an abortion if it happened again very close to home. My husband's biological father not only 'didn't want him' but was adamant about his birthmother aborting him. She was only 15 when she got pregnant with him. She refused however, and placed him for adoption instead. My husband was raised by an awesome family and is now an incredible human being, husband and father. Like you said of your friend, the world is so much better for his being here. You've been on my mind, in God's providence I believe, and I'll continue in prayer for and with you. I think you're doing awesome working through the minefield of emotions. With Kindness, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/19/08 11:08pm Hi Leah, I once heard a story about a man who was stranded on the roof of his house during a flood. The man prayed that God would rescue him. Soon a raft came by and offered to take the man from the house to dry land. The man refused believing that God would rescue him. After a little while, the flood waters had nearly reached the roof, and a helicopter came by to rescue the man, but he refused believing he was going to be rescued. I think sometimes we look so hard for "signs" (from God or from circumstances) that we miss them when the are right in front of us. Just like the man on the roof missed his rescue looking to be rescued. If you go back and reread your last post here, I think you may find the signs you are looking for. I am glad that coming here has helped you find some sense of peace. I hope that we can continue to be of some help and support to you. I can't promise you that things will be smooth sailing if you have your baby, but you know from experience that abortion doesn't leave you with any real peace, either, nor is it always smooth sailing dealing with the abortion afterwards. I do think it would be a good idea to connect with a Crisis Pregnancy Center. I did a little bit of a search and found the following links with referrals for Canada: http://www.ramahinternational.org/canada.html http://www.lilhayat.com/pages/pregnancy-canada.html If none of these places are near you, let me know and I will search further. Hang in there. --Melanie

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/20/08 1:34am Hi, Leah, I want to touch on some things no one else has mentioned as far as I know. When women have sex, they experience hormones that cause them to bond with their partner. The man has no such advantage. In addition, a man doesn't experience a pregnancy as quickly as a woman does. The pregnancy is within us, and we are aware of the changes. But a man has to look in from the outside. He will most likely connect to the pregnancy when he experiences some evidence, such as seeing an ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, seeing changes in the mother's body, feeling movement, and so forth. None of these things happen until the second trimester. A lot of men go through a stage of panic when they don't see how they will make it. So they act detached or run away. Or they may try to coerce the mother into abortion. To them, the baby isn't real. It's the hardest thing in the world for a woman when the father of the baby isn't supporting her. From the many women I've talked to, they tell me that the support of the father is most important. It doesn't matter even if the man is a real jerk. They still need that support. The father of your baby will do one of two things. Either he will step up to his responsibility (and don't be surprised if he doesn't until your baby is actually born), or he will evade it. In the case where he becomes responsible, you have a real gem. If he runs away, you deserve someone better. Because of the bond you have with him, making yourself available for someone better won't be easy, but in the long run, you will be better off because you deserve better. God gave you this baby. He doesn't make mistakes. I would never want to refuse God's gift. We don't know why He chose to give you a baby, and you may not find out for awhile, but eventually you will. I had a friend a long time ago who worked as a newspaper reporter. She never wanted to have children. Eventually she got married, and became pregnant. She didn't have an abortion; she gave birth to her son instead. Afterward, I noticed that the articles she wrote for the women's section had a lot more insight, and I told her so. A few years later, her husband died tragically. All she had left of his love was their son. May the Lord bless you. He already has. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/20/08 6:27pm Well ladies I don't know how this has happened but I have made a choice I have made my decision!!!!!! I am having a baby....as I type these words it's like I can't get them out fast enough they are bringing me such JOY! I kept asking for a sign and I have spent so much time looking for it but what I didn't realize they were all around me in your words in my friends words,but the biggest one was in my heart I don't want an abortion I want this baby I want to bring this life safely into the world I want to do everything I can for this little being I have inside of me!!!!!! I just found out today one of my old girlfriends whom I had been very close with a few years back is pregnant to and she is due two days after me!!!! This has brought us closer again and I am thankful for that.I am going to have a long road ahead of me but I am not scared that it won't be okay,I know that it will be...this to me is a miracle. Iam not expecting it to be easy and I'm sure there will be times when I second guess myself,but I know that I am NOT ALONE anymore I am not alone...isn't that great! I know that this is part of my plan,my girlfriend and I actually both said at the same time today that god has a plan for us all,oh I am so thankful right now I am so thankful I did not have an abortion!!!!! I am so thankful that I found this site,thankful that those words my friend said to me last winter didn't leave my head,thanful that I talked to my girlfriend whom I haven't talked to in ages today. I am thankful that I have seen all the signs and there was so many. I am thankful that I can have hope for my boyfriend to come around! I have so much happiness inside of me right now so much JOY.....I don't know why it happened so quick but I do because god heard me he felt how very sad and alone and afraid I was and I don't go to church and I am not perfect and I don't pray all the time and I even have my doubts at times but there was something bigger there for me and that wll NEVER leave me. I feel like 1000 pounds has been lifted from me and I am grateful everything I look at that I touch that I hear seems almost new to me! I wish I could let you all know how much your kind words and encouragement has meant to me...I hope it's okay if I still post up here because I want this feeling to last but I know that it may not. I am hopeful for the first time in a long time.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/21/08 6:17am Leah, your message brought tears of joy to my own eyes! Congratulations, Mom! :) :) :) We will be here for you. I know you will have some rough things to go through, but God will sustain you, and He wants you back. God is so good! He gave you and your girlfriend this relationship, and each of you a baby, and you can be there for each other. What a wonderful blessing! I think I'll be walking on air all day! THANK YOU! Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/21/08 4:11pm C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!!! That was such a great post to read, Leah. I have been praying for you to be 'over the hump' of all the intense stress of indecision. I am so pleased that even with your very healthy assessment that the road ahead will be challenging at times you can describe that 1000 pound lifted. I can absolutely, completely understand what you're talking about and I am very thankful you are there. My guess is the rest of your pregnancy is going to go much more smoothly from here on out. That's great that there's a pregnancy center near you! I'm curious to see how it goes; if they are as awesome in Canada as they are in the US. I hope you WILL keep posting; it's very fun to hear pregnancy updates. Do you think you'll want to find out the gender of your baby before he/she is born? Sometimes if a woman can't decide between some names she's considering the moderator here, Shellie, will post a 'name poll' where we all get to vote on which one we like best. :) One great tip someone gave me when I was first pregnant: There is a book called "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that is just perfect. It answers every conceivable question a pregnant woman could have throughout a pregnancy and gives month to month updates on where your baby is at, etc. It's a common book and can be found anywhere; I highly recommend it. They may even have a free copy at the Pregnancy Resource Center. Make sure you've got a good prenatal vitamin (Prenatal Forte is an excellent one) and get as much sleep as you can stand! Congrats again on not just the new life inside you but the way you have handled this unexpected turn. You can be sure there will be more in life! And you're in good company. I gave up a long time ago the delusion that I was somehow steering this ship, lol. But this is ok as God is 100% trustworthy. With Much Rejoicing, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/21/08 6:45pm Congratulations! I am SO happy for you. Sharon

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah (Joyful and at peace :)) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/23/08 7:41pm Just wanted to wish everyone some very happy holidays....hope you all have a wonderful time with family and friends,and that your days ahead are filled with love,happiness,joy,and peace. I have received the best gift I can ask for this year so I am looking forward to fun and happy days over the Christmas season....may love fill your hearts and homes! Thank-you again for being there when I was in need.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Merry Christmas, Leah! Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/23/08 9:08pm Hi Leah, Thanks so much for checking in! I love hearing updates and knowing how you're feeling. Have a Merry Christmas! Shellie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/23/08 9:50pm Leah, Your joy is the best Christmas present you could possibly give me! Congratulations, mom! We love you. Let us know how you are doing, and if you have any other concerns. Merry Christmas! Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/24/08 8:07am Thanks, Leah! Merry Christmas to you, too. Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/26/08 1:46am So glad to hear that you are joyful and at peace. I hope you had the merriest of Christmases. :) --Melanie P.S. Please don't be a stranger and keep in touch. :)

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/21/08 7:46pm Thank-you for the kindness ladies! Oh I am still so happy I feel relieved lol,I am going to make an appointment for some time next week (after Christmas and before the New Year) to see someone at the centre close to me,I am looking forward to it,and I will keep you posted on how it goes. I have thought of names I am pretty settled on a boys,but a girls I keep changing my mind :) I have vitamins and they make me sick so my doc told me to cut it in half and take one half after lunch and the other after dinner,seems to be improving not so much iron all at once. I am taking this next week to just enjoy myself and relax,I will deal with my partner after the holidays which is fine by me lol....kinda scary but I know this to will be okay in the long run!He does have a really big heart once you see past the big burly guy that he is :) I have so much to look forward to and am pretty excited....well I will definately continue to post and please keep me in your thoughts because I think it definately helped me,I will be forever grateful! I love this feeling it is so amazing, it is so beautiful.....I really can't put into words how MUCH all of your words mean to me but please know that I am counting them all as blessings!......oh p.s I am still not sure if I want to find out the gender,I am just hoping for healthy and after the suprise of the pregnancy boy or girl seems pretty minor lol!!!!!

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/26/08 1:49am Leah, it is so good to hear you sounding so happy!!! :)

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/26/08 7:42pm Hi everyone..I just wanted to post because I just got back from the emergency room,woke up this morning with bright red blood on the toilet paper,then it got heavier. I had to wait several hours(really busy there)finally got examined and the doctor said I wasn't actively bleeding at that time and that my cervix is still closed,they took blood work and my beta HCG levels were high where they should be for my time just over 10 weeks. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Monday@ 8:15 am so they can check the baby(see if there is still a heartbeat) Until then the doctor has put me on very light duty no heavy lifting,lots of rest etc. The doc was actually very nice and told me to come back if I had any other problems or concerns but until the US to try and not stress and remain cautiously optimistic. I just feel like a bag of crap I mean I struggled with the pregnancy at first and now that there is touble I feel like such a dirtball for ever even considering abortion....I am really really worried and scared right now and am tring to hope for the best but it's so hard when you actually have to go through something like this,I'm tired but I can't seem to sleep because I keep worrying,and I don't have anyone I can talk to right now because its holiday season and families are very busy this time of year...I wish I could tell my partner but he is working (in a work camp)and I still don't know how he's going to react so I don't want that stress if he freaks out,not this weekend anyways. I am sorr to bother you ladies but I just wanted to let this out,thanks again for your time

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: I'm praying for you and baby! Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/27/08 12:55am Hi Leah, I'm sure you feel so alone right now. Please know that prayers are going out for you and your little one. During my second pregnancy I did have some bleeding, and thankfully everything turned out to be okay. Please keep us updated. You can post her as often as you wish. Sometimes I think it just helps to write your thoughts down. And we are here to listen. Hugs, Shellie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: I'm praying for you and baby! Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/27/08 6:54am Leah~ I am praying for you as soon as I am done writing this. I had bleeding in 2 of my pregnancies and all was fine. Please keep us posted and let us know how your appointment goes. In the meantime, please don't hesitate to post as many times as you'd like. We are here! God bless, Tracey

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/27/08 10:11am Leah, I'm so sorry you had to go through such a scare. I think the fact that everything is closed and HCG levels are right is a good sign. Will keep you in my prayers. --Melanie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/27/08 3:49pm Well I have made it through so far,and all signs today have been great so far no more bleeding,no cramping,a little pain but I think that may be because my stomach has been in knots. I am trying very hard to keep my focus on positive things. I talked with my boyfriend today and it was comforting,he knows that somethings up and is frustrated but told me whatever it is thats holding me back that he loves me and we will work it out. I told him that meant alot especially right now,but still of course did not tell him,I feel like I missed a really great opportunity there(sigh). I am really hoping that the baby is perfectly fine...I was looking at baby clothes online today and there is some pretty cute stuff.....I think now I will find out the gender if things are ok,so I can do some shopping.I am trying to be strong right now but I feel really bad,I have a question for Pat though,why should I not let them do an internal exam? I thought that was general protocal? The ER doc did one to check to see if my cervix was closed or not,and it was still closed.It was weird when I went to the ER everyone seemed to act like I had already had a miscarriage,except for the doc he told me to be cautiously optimistic. Well now I am just babbling,I should go for now but I am still hoping for the best.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/27/08 4:36pm Hi, Leah, As long as you hang in there, I am encouraged. You have an exceptional doc. Too many of them are far too ready to intervene. The reason I said to tell them not to do an internal exam is because they can introduce an infection if your cervix is somewhat open. Without the possibility of introducing an infection, you can take a few more chances with not doing anything. I realize the doctor won't like it, and you may have a little bit of a battle on your hands, and you may lose, but try anyway. Good luck! You remain in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/27/08 11:04am Hi, Leah, You are in my prayers. Don't think for one minute that your considering abortion has anything to do with this! Please don't feel guilty! You chose life for your little one. We can receive temptations, and even succumb for awhile, but in the end, what we actually do is what counts. Go to the Lord in prayer about your worries. Try to turn them over to Him. Prayer is a good antidote for worry. Should the ultrasound SEEM to indicate there is no heartbeat, don't take its word for it. If possible, keep them from doing an internal exam. As long as you are bleeding, but not cramping, your baby may be OK. I have been through something similar myself. If the HCG levels are high, chances are, your baby is also OK. Too often, doctors want to intervene too soon. I learned that it is unwise to consent. I was asked twice to consent to surgery, and both times I refused. It was a good thing I did. My baby was still alive. Just hang in there. God is in control, and He will do what is best for all of you. He loves you far more than any of us could. Try to rest in Him. If necessary, tell Him that you are having trouble letting go and with trust, and that you don't even want to trust in Him, and He will have to help you. Our minds and our flesh get in the way. It is natural to worry. Just think in terms of the fact that your love for your baby is just a small sample of God's love for you. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/27/08 11:33am Leah, I'll say a prayer for you and your baby. I know it's very hard waiting and worrying and not knowing what to expect. I just want to encourage you to not be too hard on yourself for having considered abortion. The fact that you chose AGAINST it is something much more important to dwell on. When we are faced with an unexpected pregnancy, our culture teaches us that the "easiest" solution is to get an abortion. It is only through deeply looking into our heart that we gather the strength to stand up against that cultural message. So, the fact that you considered abortion but chose against it is what you should dwell on - that choice demonstrates courage. Sharon

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/08 8:48am I had my ultasound and everything is fine the baby has a heartbeat and moving around...it was sooooo cute it was just flippin around in there! I saw the arms legs,head,it's back and face!!!! I can't believe it looked so big but is still so small! The heartbeat was at about 70 bpm....I could see it beating AMAZING! I thought I would let evryone know,feeling relieved right now but also very overwhelmed and scared I think this made this all very real to me now and I don't know how I am going to manage,I started thinking about all the things I haven't done yet and don't know how I am going to do these things with a baby.....I don't know what to think I keep seeing pics of my friends and they are going on vacations and in their bikinis and I am just going to be staying here getting bigger and bigger...kinda sad. I dunno guess I am just kinda down today.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/08 11:19am Hi, Leah, That's wonderful news! You still have several months to prepare for your baby. Have you talked to your local crisis pregnancy agency? They can help with some of your problems. Try not to dwell on the things your friends are doing. They aren't nearly as mature as you are, and their time to grow up will come. This is an incredible gift from God, and He knows what He is doing; He knows His plans for you and your baby. Spend some time in prayer. Rebuke the devil for planting such thoughts in your head. Read the Psalms. I think you will find comfort there. Give yourself time to adjust to the new knowledge you have been given. God loves you both and so do we. You can make it. Take one day at a time. You are a lot stronger than you think! God has promised the strength to meet your challenges. Lean on Him. Remember the poem Footprints? Where it says that you and Jesus were walking through the sand, and you could see two sets of footprints, but then you could see only one set? And you asked Jesus why He abandoned you, and He said, when there was only one set, He was carrying you? Well, He is ready and willing to carry you. Just let him. Pray to God and tell Him that you're having a hard time letting go of your fears, and He will have to help you. He will. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/08 5:50pm Thanks for the input ladies,it's weird I am really very differen't I guess in the way I live my life than most of you I suppose. I don't know if I have actually told you anything really about me. You see I listen to punk music I have tattoo's I work with street kids normally,I don't really go to church,I write sometimes freelance,often poetry,I am interested in photography,I left home at age 15 and never went back. I love my friends they are my family,and some of them are very mature. I don't know I wear bikinis lot's I am fascinated by day of the dead art from Mexico,I have skateboarded for years I surf and snowboard as well....most of my friends have kids or babies,I know I will get through this; sometimes well I suppose I just feel sorry for myself. I still want this baby more than anything I am just feeling aprehensive...I am used to being very independant,this is scary to me. I don't read the bible(does that make me a bad person here?) But I have,once in awhile I still do,I say thanks everyday though I have a very close relationship I believe with god. It's just not very traditional...I am very thankful that I have found this site but I am not the same I guess is that ok? I'm sorry this may sound harsh that is not my intention,I just don't want to offend anyone. Thank-you all for everything ladies it means so much :)

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/30/08 3:20am Hi Leah, I think you would find that I am sometimes and in someways more "traditional" and not in others. I do believe God made us all different for a reason. You might be quite surprised to find some things about me. Like 2 weeks ago Friday, I was hurt in a mosh pit at an Anberlin/Hoobastank concert, and although, I don't care much for the lead singer of Hoobastank's language (my more traditional side), I still thought they played well (although I really wish he wouldn't have told people security was bored and they needed to crowd surf more. I was rather partial to my nose. LOL) I like Pop punk a little more than pure punk, though, although I would probably like some of the borderline music in that genre. They all cross over so much. I've gone to Warped Tour the last three years. I like a lot of alternative rock, pop punk, some pop, Christian Rock, Contemporary and Alternative - pretty much most things that aren't rap or screamo. As you can tell, I'm very much into music and concerts AND photography, especially concert photography. I can share my site with you sometime if you are interested. I also like to write, but I do it somewhat sporadically. While I am not much into tatoos, my daughters have enough I don't need any. LOL As you might have guessed by my last comment, I am not a youngster and my kids are now grown up. It wasn't always easy, and there were a lot of ups and downs. Still going through some of them from time to time, but still worth it. I do read my Bible, but admittedly and probably not often enough of late (and often enough means not often enough for me.) I think you will find we are all different and coming from different places, and our relationship with God is not always static. Of course you are welcome here. This board is here because many of us have been in crisis pregnancy situations in our lives, or have a special love for women and children and that's why we are here. Feel free anytime. Pity parties are normal. I've been there too many times. LOL Really, I could throw a big one this week. They can be a lot to carry around if they go on for years I suppose. ;) I know you love your baby, but each pregnancy is an adjustment, and if you are like me hormones coupled with uncertainty can make things seem a little crazy for a while. Hopefully they continue to settle for a bit even with the ups and downs. Anyway, take care, and feel free to keep coming back anytime.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/30/08 2:27pm It's been really great reading your stories ladies....it's nice to know a bit about the women who helped me through an incredibly tough time! I am happy I got to share some stuff about me as well. Melanie...you attend Warped Tour awesome so do I...it may be kind of tough this coming year as I will be HUGELY prego lol but if there's a will there's a way lol...anyways are you familiar with an organization that tours with Warped? They are called To Write Love On Her Arms.....they work with youth who have been affected by self-harm(ie cutting etc) suicide and abuse(substance,emotional etc) If you haven't heard of them you can just google the name To Write Love On Her Arms and the site will come up,actually I would recommend this to ANYONE who reads this. It is an amazing story with so much hope and inspiration.....I am a HUGE supporter of this movement so if any of you have the time PLEASE PLEASE CHECK IT OUT...I know there are probably alot of youth who post here,and I had read a post where one of the young girls took her own life...maybe you could find this a useful resource when working with the young women who post here? It is also based in finding help from God..so please check it out. Sorry wasn't trying to do a plug there but it is just SUCH an amazing movement. Thank-you all again for sharing with me! Oh and I have been thinking about baby names I like Sadie for a girl(it means princess :) )and Cashton for a boy (I love Johnny Cash) what do you think? Till later ........

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/30/08 8:39am Hi, Leah, Thanks so much for sharing that with us! It is helpful. Just so you know, I'm a photographer, too. I also don't go to church much because I can't. I don't feel bad about it. It's just the way things are. At least one of my kids snowboards, and that's fine with me. Another skis. Another does autocross. But the first one once tried a flip in sand, and almost broke his neck. I know he won't do THAT again! LOL I don't tend to take personal risks of that sort, but I travel across the country alone every so once in awhile. While this is no guarantee, I do have a second degree black belt, and I imagine this gives me the confidence needed to scare off wannabe predators. I have been in a few dicey situations, and usually I leave the other guy with his mouth hanging open! LOL When I was younger, I always took the youngest kid with me, on the plane or whatever, slung him or her on my body, and breastfed when he or she was hungry. It's great you work with street kids! I don't know much about day of the dead art in Mexico. I would love to know more. I studied pre-Columbian meso-American art in college. I know it's not the same thing, but still, I would like to learn about it. I don't personally have any tattoos, but one of the kindest people I know has tattoos all over his body. You should see the dragon on his back! He is a tattoo artist. I consider him a friend. I think all too often, we jump to conclusions about other people. I did. And I think you did, too. :) It's not surprising that you are finding your experiences scary. You're not offending anyone here. You are certainly not offending me. People are often afraid of major change in their lives. They think that life as they know it will end. I think more, it will simply change. Having a child is a new kind of adventure, one of the most gratifying in the world! Now you will be able to share some of these same things with your child. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to learn to help street kids. Continue to take one day at a time. You'll make it. You are obviously a strong person. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/30/08 9:08am You don't sound "different" - you simply sound real ;-) We are all complex beings. I think someone reading my posts would probably get a picture of me that would be somewhat narrow. My day-job is related to technology, but I also am an artist (http://www.sharongray.com/giclee). (I'm familiar with the day of the dead art you speak of from Mexico. Very interesting stuff.) I believe that a personal relationship with God is more important than a church-going relationship, but I often fall short of my own standards in regard to connecting with God. I, unfortunately, put lots of others things first. I'm divorced and have 7 children by 3 different men. While that could understandably draw criticism from some people, the reality is that my life experiences are the very things that have enabled me to be an outspoken advocate for women and their unborn children. I almost aborted my first child, but chose to cancel the appointment. I felt the pressure of society's messages that I should finish school (which I did, anyway) and should only have "planned" children. But, I resisted that pressure, instead listening to my own heart. I knew the child inside me was my child, was a person, was completely dependent upon my bringing him or her into the world. I now have a grandchild through the very son I almost killed 30 years ago...It's a chilling, sobering thought. But one that I don't want to (and will never) forget... I went on to live with a man and have two more children. We parted and a couple of years later I met the man I married and I had my last three children. (He had a daughter at the time, so that's why I have seven children ;-) We are now divorced. We all have different faces we present to different "audiences". That's normal. The fact is, they are all "us" but just with different nuances. You most definitely "belong" on this board - along with the rest of us complicated human beings ;-)

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/30/08 11:19am Hi Leah, I've been away from the board for a little while because of holiday related festivities, so I'm a little behind the scene here but I'm sure glad you and your babe are ok; bleeding can be scary. I had that with one on my pregnancies, too, and wow: you really get to know what the meaning of 'vulnerable' is! I found it pretty easy to relate to a lot of the other things you posted. It sounds like you're just processing and decompressing and don't necessarily need advice. I think (thought from the beginning!) that you're doing an awesome job dealing with the unexpected, and have been given the grace to come full circle and find the joy in it. I think as your pregnancy progresses the adjusting period will subside and you won't feel as lonely and intimidated (at times) about your baby. I'm not a sage of wisdom at 33, but so far it seems I'm noticing that there are some things/events in life that need intervention and decisions and others that work themselves out naturally. I pray for both and accept what the hand of God brings. :) I don't know if you need the reassurance, but punk music, tattoos, etc don't define you or your value and differently than any of us women here. We've all got eccentricities and are unique. Good thing, too! Imagine if there were only one flower to admire in all the world of creation... I'm excited for you, and resonate with the ups downs and all arounds that this generally anticipatory season in your life is representing right now. I hope you'll keep frequent updates so we can be a part of your pregnancy! With Kindness, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/08 11:27am I meant the babies heartbeat was about 170 bpm not 70 sorry

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Ambivalence Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/08 12:58pm Hi Leah, Yeah, I figured you'd made a typo in your previous post. Anyway, I'm just here to tell you that ambivalence is a normal part of early pregnancy--even planned ones! Trust me, once your baby is here (and even before that) these fears that seem so huge right now, won't even matter to you! You will also find that you won't be "huge" and pregnant forever. I've had 4 babies and I'm a very small lady who is in pretty good shape, I might add. : ) Personally, I don't believe anyone should wear a bikini, no matter how great their body looks in one. But that's me.... You'll also learn that having a baby doesn't end your chance to go places and do things. Many places can be visited with your baby. And if you have friends and family, you'll have the opportunity to go places without baby from time to time. And most importantly, once you have your baby your priorities will most likely change. What you view as important right now, will most likely be different when you get to know your little one. You won't feel like you're HAVING to "give things up", you'll be happy to do without those things. Just know that your feelings are normal. These fears do subside. And once baby is here, you'll feel so different---trust me! I'm praying for you. Shellie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/08 7:42pm Leah, Yup, I figured that was a typo, too. 170 bpm is a good heart rate. Sounds like your baby is doing well. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 1/09 5:02pm Happy New Years hope everyone had a fun time! I was pretty much passed out right after midnight lol.Thanks for sharing your stories they were pretty awesome,I had posted previous but it ended up somewhere in the middle. I do have a question about names (soon I know) but I am trying to get my butt in gear lol I am thinking Sadie for a girl(it means princess and sounds pretty AND punk lol) Cashton for a boy (I love Johnny Cash) I already have the middle name for a girl Grace (pretty self explanitory as I figure if this baby is a girl she is my saving grace hehehe) I am getting close to tell my partner although I think he already know and is just waiting for me to tell him,irrational fear there maybe? Thanks for listening and taking time to read this. :) Oh and I have also found out TWO more friends are expecting very close to me...crazy huh,but it does make this easier.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah (change of mind I'm sorry) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 10:11am I don't think I can do this ...I am sorry to all of you for wasting your time. I thought for some stupid reason that I was stronger than I really am,I thought things were going to be alright...I know different now. I wish so bad I could make this work but there is no way,this I have come to realize. I know this was so hopeful and was supposed to be so good,it's not. I don't have my own life togeather enough to add another one to it. I was so stupid to think that I was going to be able to do this,so stupid for getting my hopes up and yours here to I suppose(again I am so very sorry for that) Guess I was living in a dream world. I feel like such a bad person,I know I should consider adoption,but I am to selfish and couldn't bear the heartache...I have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday to start the abortion,(it's my counselling session where they set up the actual appointment for the procedure,which will be at some point the week after this one they said) I am truely sorry ladies I really did think I could do this. :(

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 1:47pm Hi Leah, I posted my last post to you before this one from you arrived. Leah you don't have to be sorry to us; we are not your Maker or your judge. I'm just sorry for you, that you have experienced the bond with your baby and now feel you have to give way to fear. Did you tell your boyfriend and get a negative response? Is aborting this baby what YOU really want? This is your choice and your baby. If you don't want to abort him or her, you don't have to. There are always choices, even when we have moments when we feel there is only one. There is always hope! Circumstances ebb and flow, but aborting a human life is permanent and you can't ever get them back. Erring on the side of honoring all human life has a way of working itself out with grace, giving in to death addresses the external in removing the physical life, but it does not erase all that's deeper. I am a big advocate of clear and open communication and would not diminish your life and your choices to a 'guilt trip.' Please know that you are of great worth, entitled to respect and autonomy in your relationship with God, and will not be thought the less of in human nature here regardless of what you choose. I know this is a painfully difficult time right now. I will continue to keep you in my prayers, Leah; and trust that God will give you peace. Hang in there and take good care of yourself. With Kindness, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 2:50pm Leah, I know sometimes it seems like we are stronger here than we are. No one is strong automatically, but strength is built by our adversity. I couldn't do it either, but I muddled through, and things worked out. If you think I had my life altogether when I had my kids, you would be mistaken. I'm quite sure they could tell you otherwise. What happened? Something happened to put you back into fear. Something led you to believe that you couldn't have your baby. Having and abortion now will not ever make things the same. They will be forever changed one way or another. It takes some emotional strength (or more likely, emotional numbing) to endure an abortion, especially with some of the emotions you've expressed here. I would, with all my heart, wish to spare you that. It's still not too late to change your mind. Please keep that option open. BTW, did you ever make an appoint with a Crisis Pregnancy Center to see if there was any support for you there? --Melanie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 4:24pm Leah, I am heartbroken on your behalf. I will pray earnestly that you will let your baby live. He or she is depending on you for your protection. It sounds like you have chosen a medical abortion. I want to warn you about the dangers. To begin with, there are times during the process when you could easily die within hours. This isn't widely known, but it will be. Don't be one of the statistics! One thing is that once they provide you with the first medication, they send you home. If you develop a complication, you're on your own. What kind of medical care is that? They give you a powerful hormone, and then leave you unprotected! Then they give you a second medication which is used off label. The manufacturer specifically says that it should NOT be used during pregnancy. Why? Because it can cause contractions so severe, that your uterus can rupture, and that can kill you very quickly. If you are instructed to use this vaginally, it can cause toxic shock syndrome, and that can also kill you within hours, usually before emergency room doctors can figure out what is wrong. I have talked to many ladies, on a regular basis, who bleed uncontrollably for weeks afterwards, and that is also dangerous. If it is early enough for a medical abortion (they have to be done before 49 days, and the closer you get, the more likely they won't work and you'd have to have a surgical abortion, with all THOSE dangers), then you are still in your first trimester. The kind of feelings you are having are quite common during the first trimester. But we women grow into motherhood. By the time your baby would be born, you would almost certainly be quite ready. That's why we advised you to go to your local crisis pregnancy agency and see what they have to offer. You can find one near you here: pregnancycenters.org You also sound like you may be experiencing depression. I want to suggest you try a couple of things. Two supplements are especially good and safe during pregnancy. One is phosphatidyl choline, which is just a particular form of B vitamin. Another is evening primrose oil. This is useful if you have been eating a lot of foods with monosodium glutimate, or perhaps drinking diet soft drinks. If you are feeling depressed or experiencing a panic attack, and you take a pearl of evening primrose oil, and suddenly you feel better, then your adrenal glands aren't making enough. Before you do something that you will regret, that will increase the chances of your dying a violent death by 3 1/2 times over what it would be if you carried your baby, something you may wish you could take back five minutes later, something that you may be held down physically to do if you change your mind at the last minute, please consider these things. If you walk through the door of the abortion facility, and it looks unclean, leave! A lot of them wouldn't pass basic health inspections. And there are many things that you may not even see. We love you, and I am going to be praying like the dickens that you won't make this mistake. If you go ahead with it, we will be here for you, but it would be so much better if you don't. Seriously. You don't want this. You have said so. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! There are better answers. As a mother who raised seven children, I will be here for you every step of the way (just ask Shellie to contact me), and I will let you pick my brain. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 6:02pm I don't know how to say sorry enough I am so alone right now...I can't stop thinking of this tragedy...the past 2 nights I have had dreams about my dead baby...it's horrible it's dead and I can't pick it up,and I try so hard but I can't. I feel like I am going crazy everytime I close my eyes I just see that dead baby...I keep having major terror like the world is caving in... and to top it off after the dead baby dream I keep having nightmares about something that happened to me so long ago... these past 2 nights it won't go away it's like i'm reliving this all over again and again.....I'm to embarassed to post what happened up here...so between that and the dead baby that's what happened I can't breathe right I can't close my eyes I can't sleep...I am not ready to bring a baby into this. I thought I was ok I used to get the same thing before I left home then I was ok, and when I was pregnant last time and had the abortion I saw the same dead baby..for awhile afterwards but it went away...I am going nuts and crazy people shouldn't have babies this is what has happened. I don't deserve a baby I am so scared i want these memeories to stop I wish i could be stronger I need someone to talk to I need this to stop it's so scary I keep reliving this,I can't breathe right I am just shaking I sit here in the dark I I can't turn on the lights I don't want anyone to see me. i know none of this sounds normal it isn't.....what if there is something wrong with this baby and it's the one I'm seeing dead...thats why I changed my mind...I couldn't go 9months so full of hope to have something bad happen....

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 3:12am Have you thought of getting yourself and your baby checked out before you make any final decisions? It's hard to comment on what you are going through. It must have really terrified you to have such a change of heart. The fact that you are having disturbing dreams does not necessarily mean you are going crazy, and it is difficult to get pictures out of ones head once they exist, especially disturbing ones. BTW, I have chatted online with women who had disturbing dreams when they were pregnant. It could be something hormonal, and something to discuss with a doc, not necessarily a cause for abortion. In fact, but with what you have said, could it be the past abortion is factoring in the severity of the underlying picures? I really don't know, just the thought crossed my mind. Instead of abortion, I'd recommend you find someone that you can talk to who won't push that issue with you will help you work through it. Obviously this is something that should be worked through somehow. It's hard to do it on a message board, with little info. to go on and without proximity.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 8:25am Leah, I am going to give you some straight talk. I almost had an abortion once. For two months afterwards, I had horrible nightmares. I would wake up in a cold sweat. The only good thing about it was that in my dreams, although I was being pursued and threatened with harm, I got away. If I had gone through with an abortion, I am quite sure that I would have continued to have the nightmares, and I wouldn't have been getting away. A mother bonds with her baby in the first week. Women are usually not aware of it, but it's there. As the new human being moves down the Fallopian tube, every time he or she touches the wall, hormonal messages are exchanged. After implantation, the baby starts to send stem cells into the mother's blood stream. These move to various parts of the body, including the brain. They lodge there. Some move to the breasts, where they help protect the mother from future breast cancer. The ones in the brain result in further bonding. These are the events that stop the mother's periods. When a baby is born or an abortion is done, many, many more stem cells are sent. A baby being aborted experiences excruciating pain. There is no mechanism to modify this pain as there is in older people. You can tell they have this pain because you can see them react, through ultrasound, or you can see it in their faces afterward. Pain creates chemicals. The fact someone is experiencing pain can be detected through these chemicals. When these stem cells are sent, they will have this chemical, and the mother will know unconsciously that the baby experienced pain. This could be behind your nightmares. Do you REALLY want to repeat this? You have the ability to "redeem" your former experience. Or you can add to the feelings you are having. You desperately need emotional and spiritual healing from your other abortion. This is why I gave you the link to find a pregnancy agency in your area. They are prepared to meet your need for healing. There are programs there, counseling, classes, retreats. Women who have experienced abortion do almost all of this. They have healed, and they can show you how to heal. They can help you to understand that your baby is in heaven. You CAN heal. But if you do it again, you become twice guilty. The first time, maybe you didn't really know what you were getting into. Now you do. Before you do this kind of harm to yourself and your baby, try the supplements I mentioned. I am dead serious when I tell you that if you DO have an abortion, you may not survive it, and you will have increased danger for the next eight years. Women who have abortions often turn to drugs, or become careless with their lives. The truth is, none of us DESERVES a baby. God graciously gives them to us anyway, and He is giving you a second chance to nourish one of His gifts. I am going to repeat the link again. pregnancycenters.org. Go there. Get some help. You can't be helped if you are not willing to help yourself. You said you need someone to talk to. Well, GO TALK TO THEM. You can even get on the phone with them right now, in a toll-free call. You now know what you are trying to get into. No excuses. I continue to pray for you. You have enemy forces bearing down on you. Repudiate them. We love you both deeply. You can have no idea how much. Many of us have BEEN there. We know what it's like, and we devote our time and lives to try to help other escape what we went through. There is nothing more frustrating and disheartening than seeing someone drowning in a river, reaching out and grabbing her hand, only to see and feel her snatch it away so she goes to her destruction. You don't really want an abortion. If you did, you wouldn't be here. Don't do this! We love you. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 11:26am Leah, I thankful you at least got the idea and strength to come post here while under your anxiety. I sure wish I could give you a hug while you're going through this! The pregnancy centers posted all offer free counseling. That's one thing they're very well known for; having a professional and very compassionate staff of counselors on hand to just listen to women who are in unplanned pregnancies. It's a big event in life, and they are familiar with the unique range of emotions women have during it. I hope you'll pick up the phone or simply drive there. I have worked at our cities local Pregnancy Resource Center and I know they are happy to take walk ins when necessary. If having another ultrasound or hearing the heartbeat of your baby would help assuage any concerns you have about their health and well being, most Pregnancy Centers offer that service free of charge, as well. We're pulling for you, Leah. Not just your baby, but you. Hold on and let the storm wash over you. Nothing lasts forever and sometimes those storms leave a refreshed dawn. With love and prayers, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Changed Mind Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 5:26pm Leah, My heart goes out to you! You are on a roller coaster, for sure. Just in your posts here I've seen you go up and down. This is such a normal part of an unplanned pregnancy! It's scary to see your life going every-which-way with no control over your own destination. Abortion presents its self as a way to get that control back. However, just like Melanie so eloquently said: "Having and abortion now will not ever make things the same. They will be forever changed one way or another." And Heather was right on when she said: "Circumstances ebb and flow, but aborting a human life is permanent and you can't ever get them back." Leah, really listen to those words, they are full of truth. You've experienced an abortion that has caused you pain, already. And I suspect aborting this pregnancy would hurt you much more than the previous one. I have a few reasons for suspecting this. First of all, you have allowed yourself to connect with your baby, even choosing names. You've seen your baby through ultrasound. And because you've aborted before, a 2nd abortion is usually more guilt-ridden. You have a lot of friends who are due around the time you are. Having their kids as a constant reminder of the one you terminated would be hard. I’m not sure you’ve really thought this through or if you’re having a weak moment and just wanted to vent. I too, would like to know what happened. Although I know with the fears and emotions that rule over a woman going through an unplanned pregnancy—nothing really needs to “happen” to make you feel like you can’t do it. But was there a particular event that has caused you to change your mind? I believe abortion can be a form of Self-Harm. Is there a reason why you want to hurt yourself? Or are you just letting fear take charge? You are stronger than you think. And you deserve better than the pain of another abortion. By the way, I love Johnny Cash. Have you ever seen his last video, Hurt, when he was close to death and was looking back at his life (with a lot of regrets)? He didn’t write the song, but it was definitely HIS song. We have the ability to make choices and have fewer things to regret. Here’s the video: Don’t give in to the fears! You CAN do this! Hugs, Shellie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 11:15am Leah, One more thing. You may FEEL alone, but you're not. We're here for you, and more importantly, God is holding you in His hand. Remember the poem, Footprints in the Sand? It says that there were footprints in the sand, two sets. And after awhile, there was only one set. The person asked God, why He had abandoned him and let him walk alone, and Jesus said, that was when I picked you up and carried you. Let Jesus carry you. The full poem is below: One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed most you would leave me." The LORD replied, "My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 1:37pm Hi Leah, I love the names, especially Sadie. I really like finding out the meanings, too. I don't know if you have a preference or not, but I was going to say that the 170 heartbeat would be somewhat more indicative of a girl. Maybe you've read that girls tend to have faster heartbeats than boys - with 155-165 being the common 'boy' range and 165-175 being the common girl one. We have one boy and three girls, and this definitely was true of our ultrasounds. But having both a boy and a girl, I have to say both are just too awesome for words. It brings out a different side of you as a woman - the different genders. My girls names are Heidi ("Noble and pure") Jemma (Hebrew for "Little Dove") and Clara (Latin for "Clear".) Our son's name is Andrew, which means "masculine or manly." Another girl name I heard that I really like is 'Paloma' which is apparently Spanish for "Little Dove.") Seems like it's often the case the pregnancy is contagious! That's great that you have company in your adventure. How are you feeling? Morning sickness is often more pronounced in first pregnancies; sure was with mine! Other than that my pregnancies all went very smoothly, and the births were MUCH easier than I'd expected, but I could definitely do without the morning sickness, lol. What's hindering you from telling your boyfriend? Heather

[> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/18/08 11:22am Leah, One of the main indicators of whether or not a woman will regret having an abortion is if she felt pressured into it against her wishes, either by circumstances or by individuals, like a boyfriend or parents. True, your boyfriend is worried that his child's mother may become hostile if she knows he has another child, but 1) it's not a "given" that she WILL become hostile and 2) it would be illegal for her to prevent him from visiting. So, since she MIGHT not even put up a stink, it would be a shame for you to decide to have an abortion to protect against something that you're not even absolutely sure would happen. More importantly, you already know the pain and remorse that lives in your heart from having aborted your first child. (In fact, on another note, be sure to have regular mamograms even before the age they are recommended. There is strong evidence that aborting a first pregnancy puts the woman at a much higher risk for breast cancer, even if she doesn't have any other risk factors. But, it's not politically correct to associate anything bad with abortion, so you are not going to hear it from the American Cancer Society - at least not yet. Hopefully, someday they'll get past political correctness and be honest with women who've had abortions so they can be extra diligent in watching for breast cancer. You can do more research on this at http://www.abortionbreastcancer.com/ and http://www.abortionbreastcancer.com/The_Link.htm ) Knowing that pain first hand and that inability to undo what has been done is probably weighing very heavily on you, especially since you are concerned about your boyfriend's reaction as well. If he truly loves you, he will support you if you choose to give birth to his/your baby. If he doesn't, then you will likely resent him in the end for "forcing" you to make a decision you didn't want. You will end up for sure without your child and, at the best, with a strained relationship with him and, at the worst, with him gone altogether. If you choose to have your baby, he will likely love his son or daughter (as he seems to be a good "daddy" to his other child). As for writing a letter, I think that's an excellent idea. I find that writing my thought helps me to cover everything I want to say in a rational way. I'll say a prayer for you. Sharon

[> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/20/08 6:55pm Sorry I know I just sent a post but in my haste I forgot to tell Heather that I clicked on the link you sent for pregnancy centres in Canada and they were all in the province where I live British Columbia! lol There is one really close to my area! Oh and my due date is July 22 2009 pretty exciting huh!I am going to go listen to some Jack Johnson have a bubble bath and a champagne glass full of non-alcoholic punch to celebrate my great news!!! I am SO in love with my baby ,I feel guilty for even considering abortion now...is that normal? :)

[> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/21/08 6:35am Leah, Yes, feeling guilty about considering abortion is common. I even felt guilty because I almost gave in once, and I had been told I had a miscarriage. When I learned otherwise, I had nightmares for months! The thing that makes me feel so outraged is the fact that women have to think about this at all in the first place. It robs so many women of their joy. That's not right. We're here any time you want to talk. Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: Yay!!! Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/21/08 2:33am Hi Leah, I haven't posted to you before, but I've been thinking about you and praying for you. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you!!! Because you were willing to put your fear aside, you were able to actually SEE the signs! Being in an unplanned pregnancy is very scary! While in fear mode it's hard to see any good in the situation. But once we can see past the fear, we can love our unplanned blessings! I'm so proud of you! Do you know how many women give in to the fear, only to regret their abortion? A lot. There are a lot of women out there who are hurting. Please do not feel guilty for considering an abortion. I think it's normal to want out of an unplanned pregnancy. Because abortion is available it can seem like the solution. Of course you can continue to post here! This is a support board, so we'd love to support you throughout your pregnancy--and beyond! CONGRATULATIONS!! Shellie

[> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Antonella [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/10/09 11:14am Leah, I hope you will read my message...the 22nd July is also my son's birthday, he will be 7 years old. He comes from an "unplanned pregnancy", I was very scared and doubtful about keeping him or not..well, I was 22 years old, leaving for my year of college in US, California, I am Italiana nd I was working sooo hard to win that school-ship and in that period I had an unplanned pregnancy. I booked all appointments for abortion, but I gave it up and today I am a proud mother, thanks God! I was doubtful for my body shape, way of life and so on, like University... But you know what? I was graduated in Economics at 24 years old hugging my son, who was already 2 years old! Time flys, he is growing up sooo fast, I can't believe it! Then I got back in my usual slim size just keeping my house cleaned, it was easy... doing stairs, washing and cleaning around, holding my "heavy son"...it was better than gym! And later I was hired also as Model for some catwalks here in Italy, all my girlfriends were still busy looking for Mr.Right in clubs, while I was enjoying my family-evenings at home.. The father of the baby was very happy about the pregnancy, AT FIRST, but then he showed to be totally not reliable, neither responsible...he started to be too jelous, aggressive and we quit, now he is not supportinghis son, his parents help me in some way- later I met my husband, we had some up and downs but he is great with my son, they are friends and I loooove him a lot-I feel that despite all difficulties, I was God blessed! Believe me, just take it easy and trust yourself! love ya from Italy!

[> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/10/09 10:00pm Hi everyone well after a very long week of some serious ups and downs..I am still hanging in there. I contacted a counsellor at a pregnancy crisis centre and they stayed on the phone with me for a very long time...I explained what was happening and she explained to me after calming me down that it is actually pretty common for things like this to occur after an abortion,and that my new pregnancy had probably been a "trigger' to these emotions. I met with the counsellor the next day which was a Sunday at a restaurant (she had brought a friend for security purpose but we were soon comfortable around each other) I have been to the centre almost everyday this week for some intensive "therapy" sessions lol. I have several books on Post Abortion Stress Syndrome and have started to keep a journal. I am feeling much more at ease and have learned some breathing and meditation techniques for anxiety...these are all things that I advise the kids I work with to do when they suffer anxiety attacks so I feel so dumb for not using them myself :) I am sorry for freaking out I was really upset and soo tired and scared. Thank-you Antonella for responding all the way fron Italy...your story is one of courage and great strength...thats so awesome your sons birthday is July 22. Thanks to the other ladies for your thoughts as well. I am not having an abortion ...I think I might possibly lose my mind if I did lol...but really it is so scary that this is the stuff they DON'T tell you about abortions. I am looking forward to the next months and am now "talking" with my baby everyday. Oh and I am officially now into my 2nd trimester :)

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/11/09 7:11am Hi Leah, I am so glad you found someone that was helpful and supportive so that you can work through all of the issues. I am glad that you contacted the CPC there! We will do whatever we can to support you here, but there is nothing like having someone physically there to be with you when needed. :) You have no idea how relieved I am for you. I was concerned that an abortion would make your situation worse and not better overall, so I am glad that you were able to work through some of that. Journaling is a great idea. I've always found it helpful, especially when I am stressed about anything. It also sometimes helps to write down things that are going right so that when I can see the forest for the trees so to speak. :) I've also found that in addition to the breathing, etc., anxiety in me seems to come from not feeling one has control over anything in their life, and doing anything to change that no matter how small seems to help a great deal. I don't know if that makes sense to you or what works for you, but that helps me. Anyway, I am really, really, happy for you now. I hope that you will be able to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy overall. Do definitelly stay in touch!! :)

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/11/09 7:38am Leah, That's so AWESOME! And that a woman from Italy wrote! What a blessing! We prayed really hard for you! Congratulations, Mom! Keep on talking to your baby. Soon, you will feel movement. And you can play games. I used to push on a foot when I felt one, for example. Your baby will also enjoy good music, peaceful, melodic. I took our oldest to a concert before he was born, and he loved it! He has loved good music ever since. And sing to your baby as well. Keep in touch. We would love to hear how you are doing, and uplift you when you need it. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/11/09 2:59pm Well wow! What an awesome post to read, Leah. I'm really thrilled for you. Not just that you have peace about keeping your little one, but that you're now getting the double blessing of healing from your abortion. Whatever changed your mind at the last minute about getting a second abortion with this baby really changed the course of things for you - hope and healing over death and further wounding. I'm really thankful to God for how He's working things out in you. I've worked at our cities Pregnancy Resource Center and have seen how great the P.A.S.S. series is firsthand. It's like seeing women relieved of a huge weight. Something I always found interesting was that it was very rare to see women come in who had recently had an abortion. More often than not it was at least a year, sometimes many, later. I'm excited for you about this baby, and congratulations on weathering the roughest of storms. Have you told your boyfriend yet? Second trimester; wow - you'll be feeling your little one move pretty soon! Thank you for the update! Heather

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Antonella [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/12/09 5:35am Hey, great! I am very happy for you, now you will enjoy your pregnancy and will start to feel your baby moving ;) it's beautiful, it is the meaning of LIFE, it's a challenge but now YOU are not alone anymore, there will be always your child by your side. My son is sooo cool, he is always by my side, he behaves and is one of the best in school, then he is also my "little best friend" and noone understands me like he does...sometime we just look at each other and he knows if he does well or bad ;) the feeling between a mother and the baby is so powerful and special, believe me! You 2 are a TEAM. So, just go ahead and enjoy this wonderful (even if there are ups and downs sometime ;)) period of your life! Take care, bye!!!

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/16/09 1:26pm Hi everyone...just thought I would let you all know I HEARD the baby's heartbeat today...i have seen it before(twice actually),but today I heard it for the first time!!!! I was so happy I was crying like a big baby on the doctors table,the doctor and nurse where pretty confused as to why I was crying I told them it was because I was totally happy! Wow that is sure something,I had to ask twice if they were SURE it wasn't my heartbeat and they assured me that it was in fact my babies! I recorded it on my cellphones sound album,and I can't stop listening to it...I call it my 15 seconds of pure joy,lol! I am telling babys dad tomorow and am really considering sending him a text of the recording(he is out working in a remote location),I wanted to know what you think about that? My counsellor at my local CPC says it wouldn't hurt as it may help to make this whole situation more "real" to him? Any thoughts on that? I am pretty nervous to tell him,but regardless of his reaction I am still having this baby,nothing's going to stop me now! Any thoughts on giving the news to my boyfriend would be greatly and graciously appreciated :)Hope you are all doing well and the new year is off to a good start.

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/16/09 4:03pm Leah, what a WONDERFUL message! Congratulations! Babies are such a miracle! Yes, I think sending the recording to your boyfriend is an excellent idea. Sometimes hearing the heartbeat is what turns a man toward his child. Good luck with this, and do let us know how he reacts. I share in your joy. Especially since you struggled with it so. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/16/09 9:33pm That's wonderful! :) It's so amazing what you can do these days. I would have never thought to keep a recording on a cell phone. That's pretty cool. :) I didn't realize that you hadn't told the baby's father yet. Just be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. It sometimes takes a bit for it all to sink in and he may have reactions like you did to begin with (well, not exactly like, but panicky, you know...) so just give him time no matter how he reacts. I'm hoping he will react more positively, though. At any rate, sending the heartbeat does help make the baby more real. Guys don't have the same physical connections, so anything to make your baby real to him can be helpful. The only thing I can recommend is that you don't pick a time when he has just told you it's been his worst day ever. It's tough since he's not close. Otherwise, there probably isn't a real substitute for telling him. You probably know him better than anyone here. :) Do let me know how it goes. --Melanie

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/19/09 8:13pm Hi Leah, Congrats on the heartbeat! That's pretty amazing to hear. During one of my prenatal check ups, I heard the heartbeat of my daughter when she was still very young in my pregnancy and I called home so my husband could hear. He wasn't there to pick up the phone so it went to the answer machine and my nurse midwife just let it record on the answering machine for about 30 seconds. When I got home, it was crystal clear on the machine! My daughter is now nearly 7 yrs old, but I still keep that message. I played it for her when she was 5 and she was amazed. Did you tell your boyfriend yet?? I think the idea of letting him hear the recording is a good one. Like one of the other women pointed out, I think it's a lot harder for the father to grasp the reality of the situation when the baby isn't growing in their body. Hearing the evidence of the new human life may help him accept the arrival of this little boy or girl. And if he isn't thrilled at first, he may be when he gets to hold his son or daughter for the first time. Certainly wouldn't be the first time it's happened! :) Don't forget to take good care of yourself - extra rest, good food.... Did you ever get a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting?" They probably have an extra copy at the Pregnancy Resource Center. I'm really glad to hear you've felt supported there. Love, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/20/09 9:49pm Hey everyone well I told him....and it didn't go great but he didn't go all crazy on me...but I just know that he is freaking right out,and I have no idea what to expect???? When I told him I was pregnant he said "with a baby"....and me being an idiot said no KITTENS....what was I thinking???? I tend to get pretty sarcastic when I am scared and it just came bursting out of my mouth....of course it's a baby!!! I don't know...he was more calm than I expected,I couldn't send him a text b/c he is working in an area right now with only limited phone use.....sigh. He kept asking me if I thought this was good idea and he kept saying soooo......what then???? I told him I am keeping the baby,that I have been to hell and back these past few months and that it's not even a question for me anymore. I don't know what to think....I know he needs time ,and he has to take in the news,it 's just hard waiting...I just want to know either way...please hope good things for me,thanks.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/21/09 1:23am Hi, Leah, I cracked up when I read what you told your bf. Sorry, couldn't help it! I think it was a good answer, myself. :) What does he expect? You folks did the thing that causes babies, and even though that isn't what you intended, it happens. You can remind him that few babies are perfectly timed. Hey, by now, your baby is more than just a good idea. :) He does need time to adjust. You did. He may try to pressure you about it. Just stand firm. He will eventually give up. Let us know how it goes. We will be here any time you need to vent. We will pray for all of you, that it will go well. You'll just have to be patient and strong, and take one day at a time. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/21/09 8:29am Hi Leah, Well hopefully you have some relief from having finally told him? I think it worked out best for you that you worked out in your own mind and heart what you wanted to do first. Actually, considering the range of reactions unexpecting dads have had (you can even go back and read on this forum!) yours did pretty well. It's definitely hardest when they first hear. Once he has time to adjust to what you've been processing for months he may well come around to be highly supportive. But if not, you can still be ok. Sounds like you're very perceptive to his need for time to process, though. I hope the best for you guys. Refresh my memory, how far along are you now? 14weeks? You'll probably be able to feel the movements your baby is making in the next couple of weeks, but it will probably be a couple of months before they are strong enough to be felt from the outside by your bf. Hearing the heartbeat or better yet watching an ultrasound would probably be a huge help in the processing for your bf. Actually, if you're past 13 weeks there's a good chance that the gender can be seen on an ultrasound, if that's something you want to know ahead of time..... Any guesses as to what you're having? I gave up trying to guess the gender of my babies beforehand as I was always wrong, lol. Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/25/09 11:26pm I got a kick out of your response myself. Sometimes a little sarcasme and/or levity are helpful. LOL I'm glad to hear he didn't totally freak out. Hopefully that's a very good sign. I pretty much agree with what Pat said, so I won't "reinvent the wheel" and repeat it. Keep us posted. :)

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Antonella (I can believe it!) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/21/09 1:25pm Hi Leah, I can believe his reaction...he is a MAN-not a WOMAN so he can't understand how we feel , I mean, having our baby growing up inside our body! and he can be cold/ distant if he feels kept outside- after all he wasn't informed about it before your choice. So just take it easy! A baby needs both u2, let him take HIS time to realize it and be positive, God helps you in any case ;) so try to be kind and involve him in your feelings-it's a good idea to go to tests together and let him know everything-all info- even if he says he isn't ready, and so on.. You know what? I am married since 1 year and if I get pregnant now my hubby would like to RUN away just because he doesn't feel ready (...and then he would be back...)- he needs time and I know it, we both planned kids in our future- well, so..congratulations!!!Love ya, Antonella

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/ 8/09 6:26pm Just to send you ladies an update I found out I am having a little BOY! I am over the moon about this!!!!!! So amazing and awesome and just the best thing that could happen to me!!!! I was looking at some of my previous posts and it has been such a journey....and it's not even close to being over yet. I was watching the Johnny Cash video(again)that Shellie posted and I was struck by the last words in the song "If I could start again,a million miles away,I would keep myself,I would find a way" We all have to remember to keep ourselves....that there is a way. Well just thought I would post a bit of an update for you ladies. How is everyone doing these days? Hope all is going well.Please keep thinking good things for me,I still need all the postive things I can get thanks so much,and I will do the same for everyone else.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 11:02am That is AWESOME! Congratulations! I'll post more when I have a minute, but I wanted to let you know how happy I am for you! Sharon

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 12:36pm Leah, that is indeed wonderful news! :) I am very excited for you. Have you picked out a name yet? I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. --Melanie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 1:13pm Leah~ YAY!!! A BOY!!!! CONGRATS!!! I am rejoicing with you!!! Please continue to post!!! God bless, Tracey

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 1:33pm Leah, Your post makes me cry tears of joy! Congratulations, Mom! Apparently no one saw your message until today, so apologies for a late reply. Come back and let us know how you are doing. We love you both. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/17/09 11:30pm Miracles do happen,without getting into much detail,something wonderful (aside from the baby) has happened. Things are kind of scary right now,but I am prayimg that everything will be alright. Also this babies dad is finally coming around....I am so happy about this,I alnost did something so dumb....I am so happy I didn't. I wish I could post more but it's kinda TMI for a public forum.....i just wanted to say thank-you to the ladies who have been there for me from the beginning. Please keep praying for me,my baby,his dad,and our families we are all gonna need it this next little bit. So happy right now I could cry,but also nervous :)

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/22/09 2:58pm Hi Leah, It's great to read an update from you, even if vague. :) Good news is good news, and I'm happy for you. How's your pregnancy progressing? I'll keep you, your baby, his dad and your families in prayer. Blessings, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/22/09 7:54pm Leah, Thanks so much for your update! I rejoice with you on the other good events in your life. Just remember, courage isn't about not being afraid. Courage is doing what you need to do in spite of your fear. I pray that God will take away your fear. Get some good nutrition. Read the message I left to Tracy and see if any of this applies to you as well. We will be delighted to hear from you as life goes on. Take very good care of yourself and your little one. Hugs, Pat