Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 08:45:19 05/19/16 Thu
Author: Abby
Subject: Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT
In reply to: Susan 's message, "Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT" on 06:01:26 05/19/16 Thu

"My very humble conclusion is that our husbands are a mess." You nailed it, Mary.

Even when abuse definitely happened there are so many other issues; isolation from peers that made them easy to victimize; lack of family support that kept them from telling others what happened/was happening; self-blame and self-destructive behaviors afterwards. Then you came perhaps he seized on you like a drowning sailor or you scooped him up and took him under your wing. But nothing you have done/can do will fix him.

It sort of like a favorite vase. It get knocked over and breaks. You can pick up the pieces perhaps and reassemble it but it won't function as a vase: you can't put water in it. If you are lucky you can set it on a shelf and position it so the damage won't show but it will still be there.

My abused ex left to find a man with whom he could spend the rest of his life. It doesn't seem to have happened and after telling me that he was gay he now seems to describe himself as "two spirited". He spends most of his free time in groups trying to find and define himself. I should add that he's in his 60's now.

Mentally healthy people are not looking for a project as a partner. They want someone to able to give as well as receive love. Even if our spouses can stop seeking sex with men it does not mean that they will ever reach the point of being able to truly love us.

It is not wrong for us to become healthy and to realize that, while we have had a life-long attraction to sick puppies and people needing help, in our most intimate relationship we need love not dependency.

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Replies:

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Casseopia, 10:26:55 05/19/16 Thu

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Susan, 11:01:43 05/19/16 Thu

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Casseopia, 11:40:34 05/19/16 Thu
- Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- WendiT, 12:26:11 05/19/16 Thu

There IS no "closure" here -- a reader, 12:13:14 05/19/16 Thu

Re: There IS no "closure" here -- Casseopia, 12:49:56 05/19/16 Thu
- bottom line is addicts lie -- a reader, 13:13:24 05/20/16 Fri

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Still Wondering, 12:36:12 05/19/16 Thu

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Casseopia, 12:43:20 05/19/16 Thu
- Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Still wondering, 12:53:43 05/19/16 Thu
- Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Patti (..but you do), 13:46:38 05/19/16 Thu
  - Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Sue (thank you), 19:47:55 05/19/16 Thu