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Date Posted: 13:28:46 12/16/03 Tue
Author: Kay
Subject: Am I late?
In reply to: Mouse 's message, "Mhrrr to Mouse? As I repeat that out loud, it sounds... poetic" on 00:14:53 12/16/03 Tue

To Kain-chan and Sushi-chan, and all of those who have loved ones an agonizingly long way away.

I know how you feel.

I can claim to have my share of crushes. I can't count them all on all ten of my fingers and toes. With each of those guys I had a crush on, even thought I loved or would do anything to be with... I grew out of. As time passed on and I grew more mature, I realized that for one reason or another, each of those guys had some reason why nothing would ever happen between us. (Read post #1 on my DJ for a glimpse about two of my most recent bombed-crushes.

But I know how agonizing it is to have loved ones oh so painfully far away. I have fallen for guys over the internet before. Way too many times, in fact. I've been hurt so many times by the ones I don't know in real life it isn't funny.
Because of all that heartbreak I've made a decision to myself to keep all internet relationships IC and IC only, no personal emotion attatched at all. For a while it seemed to work. My Furcadia char got married and all was fine and dandy, it was all IC.
But darn him, he grew on me so much that I think he's slowly breaking through my mental barrier and wrapping himself around my heart.

As the result of all this untrue love and heartbreak, I am utterly confused and rather hopeless in the ways of finding a soulmate that I want to live with for the rest of my life. I have no prospects, though I still think of my Furcadia relationship as IC, and... in a way it's relieving. All of my life I've had some guy or another that I have been fawning over like a twitterpated puppy. But now I'm free. Sure, I know a couple of uber-cute guys, but for one reason or another I know- rather painfully- that I could never be with them.

All in all Kain and Sushi, maybe there's a reason why you are so far away from the loves of your lives. I am a person that believes that there are no coincedences, but that everything happens for a reason that heaven only knows. Perhaps this time away from your loved ones is a time that will make you strong in the future, that will strengthen your hearts into something better, something that will benefit you in the end.
But there is always an inkling question, like a cube of ice in a sea of boiling water. It just won't go away no matter what we try to do. We can ignore it, we can push it away, and we can reason to ourselves that that small question has no truth. We can strip it of all semblance of reality and discard it like an oreo cookie with no cream filling...
What if you two are not meant to be together? Maybe, just maybe... there's someone better out there for you. Someone who could fill your soul with much more than the person you love now could ever do.

Maybe.

The question will never die until that day you say "I do."


Tsuga and Mouse, heaven knows why you two are so bitter towards love. I pray that one day you do find that special someone, the one single person in the world that fills your heart with joy.
Until then, don't rain on us affectionate people's parade. Don't pop our balloons, don't eat our birthday cake and leave nothing but crumbs. Don't drive a stake into our already-hurting hearts.
Be kind to us or leave us be to heal on our own.

Don't add to our agony. Please.

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