Im Back Im Back and i got some stuff to express.....much feed back please....key style -- The Lounge Of Lyricism 2003

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Date Posted: 01:34:17 02/15/03 Sat
Author: insignificant
Author Host/IP: ip68-8-160-133.sd.sd.cox.net / 68.8.160.133
Subject: Im Back Im Back and i got some stuff to express.....much feed back please....key style

from the depths of the deepest mind of a percible,
i hurt in school, blurt bizzurk and cruel,
i wish pain in life wasnt irreversable,
so i speak on behalf of those whom strive to be lyrikally challenged,
and aithiests whom seem to gravitate twords being spiritually unballenced
blank mind on an emptee pallet i revert to my conceiloed innersanctom,
where as gang members dont have to wqorry bout gettin thier heads smeared accross the pavement,
past statements about the nation arent flagrent
and a false war behind a weak leader isnt the reason that human existance will make it
retract actions of blastin at backs and use our rap tactics
as a diversion to end all the negitive kharma and passion
which is passed with the ideologies that to settle buisness on corners is to be the biggest and baddest,
is this truely rappin?

just a lil key....tell me what could be fixed

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Replies:

other then it could be longer, it was on point, keep spitting it (NT) -- maximus, 01:41:08 02/15/03 Sat
You need to have a fixed, centered-idea, original rhyme patterns, creative rhyme schemes...different types of syllabic-structures.....You know, whatever you do just DO YOU....Keep up and stay up.....and utilize corrective-spelling..... (NT) -- h � k �/|_ A \/�....., 16:31:58 02/15/03 Sat
this was all over the place... you have some nice lines, and some garbage ones... think more about what ur saying... focus and you could be dope....peace (NT) -- Versetyle of Abzent Minded, 17:13:48 02/15/03 Sat

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