| Subject: Changing my life |
Author:
Becky
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Date Posted: 13:18:29 10/12/04 Tue
Ok, yesterday was another day that I fasted, and just like the previous 14 days of my "planned" fast, I binged late at night. I would get sooo frustrated with myself and I hated it.
Last night as I was binging i was also thinking. I was thinking how I don't want to spend the next 5,10 to the rest of my life like this. I don't want to have to be worrying about failing organs in 15-20 years(as I am only 18). I want to become an Animal Cruelty Investagator and how can I do that if I am tired all the time and always counting calories, and planning how I am going to get out of meals, and lie to people about what I ate all the time? My answer was that I couldn't, if I want to achieve my life long goal of saving and rescuing animals, I myself need to be healthy and happy with who I am.
I am planning now that I will try to eat three meals a day, or at least two with a snack (my class schedule is screwy and it goes over either lunch or dinner everyday). I will try to only eat when I am hungry, and not just when the food is there(which is how I have always been, if the food is there, I will eat it). I want to try to get back the metabolism I once had where I could eat whatever and whenever I wanted without gaining an ounce. Will I ever get that metabolism back?? I think that now, with my recent binging everynight for the past three weeks, my metabolism has gone up a lot, which is good. How long will it take for my metabolism to stabilize?
Any tips on how I can stay clear of Ana and stick to this "vision" of getting my life back in order, would be awesome. I have tried this so many times, only one other time I was this serious and I was "healthy" for about two months, then I freaked out when I stood on the scale one morning...but I don't want that to happen this time. I am really hoping that I stick to it this time! Any advice would be great, thanks for reading this, as it was kind of long.
Take care
Becky
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