Re: Ok... -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 12:46:13 02/22/04 Sun
Author: Matteo
Subject: Re: Ok...
In reply to: JPIII 's message, "Ok..." on 09:09:33 02/22/04 Sun

The thing you said about mind readers....often times I get paranoid that people somehow know things about me, just from the way I communicate here, and this bothers me, and also makes me feel insecure, because I grew up feeling like I really had to hide problems, or people would put me down, reject me, I would be rejected, etc. I also often feel like you talk about me amonst yourselves to about these things. It all comes down to my own issues of feeling like I have to keep a certain distance from people; the "wall", I guess. And maybe I'm trying to exercise some of those demons at this time. I've already said a lot of things that are heard in a community for depression, not for laughs, so in a way, I feel like a fool, but then again, what I'm saying here is, I've been desperately hiding problems all my life, at the expense of living a decent life, and I'm tired of it, and I would like to reveal these things, to see what happens, to see if I'm still accepted, because I'm now willing to take that chance.
The best way for me to do this is in a combative manner, so as to protect against being to vulnerable.

I do realize I sometimes, maybe often, put much more importance into what I'm saying than other people do. I sometimes get carried away and think that everyone really cares a tremendous amount, as much as I do. I think it's human nature to be like this at times, after all, you are the center of your own universe.
As far as a consensus on my work, there is only one accurate way to get it now, and that is to post sketches here anonymously. There is no place in the social circle here for anyone to say "ya, that Matteo who tore your sketch to shreds, he's a real good writer himself, don'tcha think?" It's acceptable to say "don't worry about what he says, he can't write". Basically, I still believe in the sketches I have posted here, though I am not completely satisfied with them.

Your opinion does not need anything to back it up for people to put a lot of stock into it. Look at Movie critics; they don't write movies. All you have to do is express yourself very strongly, like you really know what your're talking about, and most people will think you do. Just look at Don Cherry. The guy is a dinosaur, and doesn't know what he's talking about, yet people think he does and that he's right, simply because he has such strong convictions. I generally feel pretty certain about my opinions of sketches.

Have I come across as a person with anger issues? Or issues in general? I just want to know the truth, because it is something I have been paranoid about.

I might post sketches here if there was more incentive. I've talked to Patrick about it already, but I'm not going to get into that at this time.

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