ANOTHER SKETCH -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 21:38:40 12/02/05 Fri
Author: Jason Dignard
Subject: ANOTHER SKETCH
In reply to: Jason Dignard 's message, "SKETCH SUBMISSION FOR DANE COOK" on 21:01:08 12/02/05 Fri

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Hilltop Gang Furniture Store

Rake Phillips...Dane Cook
Stinger...Andy Samberg
Osgood...Kenan Thompson
Cujo...Bill Hader
Trent Phillips...Jason Sudeikis
Announcer(voice)...Chris Parnell

(rugged angry guy comes out in front of the camera, and yells in entire commercial)

Rake Phillips: Guess whose back? That�s right. Rake Phillips, here. Remember me. You
will now.
(throughout commercial, song �The Boys Are Back In Town� by Thin Lizzy playing
lightly in background)

Thought we were done with the terrorizing of the tiny city of Gatorville, Florida? Well,
think again. The Hilltop Gang is back, and armed robbery and B & E was just us getting
started. Back in jail we came up with a plan, and now we are here to sell discount
furniture on your television sets....AND YOU�RE GOING TO LIKE IT, PERIOD!!!!!!!!
(walks over to loveseat couch with pillows and Stinger and Osgood are sitting on it)

Here are Stinger and Osgood. These guys walked in with me in every bank I robbed,
watching my back. Can�t get much of that dedication anywhere else.

Stinger: You�re all going to wish that you hadn�t put us behind bars. And at the same
time, we will be selling this loveseat sofa, normally at the cost of $350, for only $275 in
the coming weeks. PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!

Osgood: I had my dignity raped away from me in prison. I can no longer stand up straight
when I walk down the street. I have horrible nightmares about every single minute in that
jail cell. And also, did we mention the pillows are free of charge?

Rake Phillips: FREE PILLOWS!!!!!!!!! You can�t get any better than that. Yes, when you
see us walking down the streets together, never breaking apart from our brotherly pact,
you will know that vengeance is ours, and that you will all pay for your choice to put us
away for five-plus years. But, what you won�t pay is taxes on any of our furniture. That�s
the Hilltop Gang�s guarantee.

(walks over to massaging recliner and Cujo, man staring into camera with dazed look on
face and has eyepatch on)

Now, this soothing, relaxing recliner will be the highlight of any living room. With six
different control settings, it�s like being in Heaven. This is Cujo here, our old getaway
driver. Yep, he�s probably the one that hates you people most of all. Tell them what
happened to your eye, Cuje. (Cujo just stares gritting his teeth into camera) I�ll tell �em. A
guy in the cafeteria thought he stole his cornbread, and scooped his eye out with a spoon.
Tragic stuff. I wouldn�t want to be anybody living in Gatorville right now. Whoa-ho! And
the recliner�s only $450! Can�t beat that.

(walks over to sign hanging above saying, �Hilltop Gang Furniture: Welcome To Hell &
Low, Low Prices!�)

But, don�t take our threats as kidding around. Here�s my brother, Trent, to talk about our
goal.

Trent Phillips: Thanks, Rake. My brother is not kidding around. Yes, we�re the Hilltop
Gang. Are we going to still rob banks? Sure. Will we remain burglars? Of course. But, our
top priority is badgering you on the television airwaves, keeping you in check as to our
status in your town, and that we are a force not to be wreckened with. We are also here to
steer you clear of other discount furniture stores trying to rip you off. We�re here to help,
and hurt!!!!!

Rake Phillips: So, come on down. We�ll be waiting.

(gang is on-screen looking angry and stiffening fists)

(next photo screen shows them smiling and letting people into warehouse like normal
furniture salesmen)

Announcer(voice): Hilltop Gang Furniture. Off Exit 32A. All men are permitted to wear a
cup.

(fade)

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