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Date Posted: 03:44:21 11/28/05 Mon
Author: JP
Subject: Review on a dance floor: Part III
In reply to: JP 's message, "I will quickie review!" on 02:38:44 11/21/05 Mon

*********************Review on a dance floor Part III*****************

This time...it's personal!

**********************Howard Stern One***********************

<b>See Jim Bevan's comments.</b>


************************The Markie Post Show******************
(Fade in)

Announcer: And now, it’s time for Nick At Nite’s newest late night venture, “The Markie Post Show”, with your host, former star of “Night Court”, Markie Post.

<b>I really like the premise of this. It made me think of “The Shelly Long Show” which I enjoyed.</b>

(Cue Music – “Theme From Night Court”)

(Close up of Markie Post passed out on her talk show desk)

Producer: Markie, you’re on!

Markie Post: (Shocked) What? Oh, hi. Welcome to my talk show. “The Markie Post Show”, catch it! I don’t have a co-host or a sidekick! It’s just me out here! Richard Moll kept begging me to be my sidekick, but I turned him down. So that means he's going to remain begging on the street. And with that, I’d like to start a new feature called: “80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?”

(SUPER: 80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?)

Ricky Schroeder…changed his name to “Rick”! That’s great, Rick! Now, I want fries with that!

<b>To be fair, he was on NYPD Blue before he started selling burgers at McDonald's. And he did tell Vanity Fair that the work there was part of his “research” for a new role.</b>

Kristie Alley…replaced that blonde chick on “Cheers” and got really fat! Hey fat cow, it’s called self-control! (Proceeds to drink a whole beer; belches)

<b>Oh c'mon, have you not seen how good the girl looks now? She got herself a Jenny Craig makeover! (JP snaps his fingers)Uh huh! Check out her blog:
<a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.jennycraig.com/kirstie/">http://www.jennycraig.com/kirstie/</a>
</b>

Harry Anderson…did the magic shtick…had another sitcom…fell into obscurity. Lucky bastard!

<b>According to imdb.com, his first wife was a certified witch. And I thought I had it bad!</b>

Judge Wapner…not a sitcom star, but hell, “The People’s Court” was fun to watch when you were stoned! I heard he’s died…lucky bastard!

<b>Hmmm...according to imdb.com he's still alive. AND IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY TWO WEEKS AGO! Happy Birthday dude.

Found this line a bit crass.
Also the rule of three was violated! Heh.

I liked the concept of this section but I feel that there could have been better choices and execution here. I suppose we could argue all day over the choices especially since they would depend on what you're trying to achieve in the piece. What is your angle? Are you trying to make the host seem petty? Are you trying to make fun of old celebrities? I think more thought could have gone into this.


Let's consider the choices for a moment:

a)Ricky Shroeder has has some success since Silver Spoons. What's Kirk Cameron been doing? Huh? Oh suuure, the girls “LUV”'d Kirk Cameron. But what happened to him? He's probably all alone, washed up and living off his millions, all the while dreaming of his glory days on 'Growing Pains'. MEANWHILE, I'm writing for SNY! Sorry girls, you had your chance.

b)Kirstie Alley might have worked but there is just a comment regarding her weight gain, without any clever twist to it. Yes, we're aware that she gained weight...but so what? You have to take that and somehow make it funny. Otherwise it's like:

Kirstie Alley is a fat cow!
Lindsay Lohan is a toothpick!
Dolly Parton has huge knockers!

People have heard this before. Where's the new twist? Even just a small change can spice things up.

Then she got really fat. It all started when she auditioned for the title role of...Moby Dick! C'mon you fat whale, it's called self-control!

Now, that's mean BUT it seems like Markie's character is a drunk embittered jerk so it might work. Granted, the line might not be funny...but it at least tries to be.

c)Harry Anderson. There wasn't much in that line. If the comedy is supposed to come from the Markie Post character here, then that's fine. Since she knew him, you'd think that she'd mention that.

d)Judge Wapner. Again, if the comedy was supposed to come from Markie...then it might be alright.

It seemed strange that the phrase 'Lucky Bastard' was used for two of them and that those two lines were similar non-disses. Two disses then two non-disses. It makes the thing seem disconnected. Maybe there was some reason for it, but I'd think about losing one of the last two lines for better cohesion.

</b>

And that was “80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?”

(SUPER: 80’s sitcom stars: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?)

Umm, tonight, because this is my first and maybe only show, I was able to pull some strings to get a really top-notch guest. Please welcome, from “Cheers”, Shelley Long.

(Enter Shelley Long; shakes Markie’s hand and sits down on the interview couch)

Shelley Long: Thank you for having me here.

Markie Post: Well, thank you for coming on. Did we take you away from anything?

Shelley Long: Not really. I had the night off from the “Hyatt Hotel Dining Café”.

Markie Post: Oh, you do some kind of celebrity dinner theatre of some kind?

Shelley Long: No, I wait tables there. (Takes a sip from her coffee cup) Markie, this is vodka.

Markie Post: Oh, did you want coffee?

Shelley Long: No, this is fine. Do you have anything stronger?

<b>I really like this exchange. Nicely done. Very funny</b>

Markie Post: I think I have a bottle of “Jack” in my desk. (Starts sifting thru her desk drawers) What? Okay, I’m hearing from my producer, that we have to go to commercial. We’ll be back in a flash, more with Shelley Long. And later, we will have one of our cameramen, John Sebastian, play his hit TV theme song from “Welcome Back, Kotter”. More after this!

<b>Aren't “Jack” and “Vodka” about the same? Maybe it could have been some homemade something or other. Maybe she had some of “Granny's Medicine” that granny from The Beverly Hill Billies gave her. Then that could have tied in with Shelley's 'Troop Beverly Hills' movie or something. Whatev.</b>

(Cut to a Nick At Nite promo)

(SUPER: WHO’S THE BOSS?)

Announcer: On the next “Who’s The Boss?”, Jonathan has been caught trying on Angela’s clothes.

(Cut to Tony and Angela talking in the living room)

Tony: Hey Angela, you won’t believe what happened today! I’m coming home from grocery shopping, and I found Jonathan up in your room trying on your dresses and wearing lipstick. You know, Angela, I’d be a little worried. If I didn’t know any better, I think that kid is going to grow up gay! You better get a father figure in his life before he starts idolizing Cher. Angela, you can’t turn back time!

(Jonathan comes running down the stair in one of Angela’s dresses and wearing lipstick; Samantha follows him)

Jonathan: Tony, I got you babe!

Tony: Oh geez! Samantha, go straighten out Jonathan. Go give him a blowjob!

Jonathan: Oh, but I'd rather get one from you, Tony!

Announcer: That’s on the next “Who’s The Boss?”

<b>K, I've seen all the 'Who's the Boss'es, and that wasn't one of them. Heh.</b>

(Cut back to “The Markie Post Show” studio)

Markie Post: We are back with Shelley Long. During the break, Shelley was telling me how to make the perfect drink to knock yourself out. You said it put you in a 4-year coma.

Shelley Long: 5-year coma, actually.

Markie Post: Wow! I’m going to have to try that. While we are making the “Killer Bloody Coma Mary”, here is some entertainment, the music of one of our cameramen, John Sebastian. Here is the theme from “Welcome Back Kotter”.

(Pan to a second stage set up in the corner of the studio as John Sebastian stands with his guitar)

John Sebastian: (singing) "Welcome back, while your life is ticking back…welcome back, welcome back." (Stops the song) Oh screw it! Markie, Shelley, make me one of those…make it a double!

<b>I believe the lyrics were “Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out.”. I'm being a pain, but it's stuff like that, that kind of draws my attention away from enjoying the comedy. It doesn't take long to double check that. If it was a mistake on purpose, then that's cool, but that doesn't seem like the case here.</b>

(Camera pans back to Markie Post’s stage as her and Shelley are making drinks)

Markie Post: John Sebastian! That was great! Hey folks, join me tomorrow night, if I wake up in the morning, my guests will be former Soap Opera heartthrob and former rock star Rick Springfield. Good night!

(Fade out)

<b>If he's gonna be playing “Jessie's Girl”, then I'm watching!</b>

<b>Good idea, good pace, nice structure, but overall the comedy seemed underdeveloped...just like Shelley Long...boo!</b>


****************************Season 31*****************

[IMAGE: The "Saturday Night Live" logo]

Don Pardo (VO): Coming this Sunday to NBC is an all-new two hour special on America's favorite sketch-comedy show "Saturday Night Live!" We've already covered the 70's and 80's, but now it's time to flash-forward to the present! Presenting "SNL Season 31: The First Five Shows, Lost and Still Lost!" Here's an extended preview!

<b>At first I was like 'What the heck?' but my interest was piqued. That's a good thing.</b>

[Cut to Lorne Michaels]

Lorne Michaels: We had two pregnancies to deal with coming into the season. Maya was eight months along, so she only did the premiere and then went underground. Literally. [pause] We honestly don't know where she is. She's a Scientologist, so who knows what they're doing to her. And Tina gave birth one month before the premiere, so we realized that she would have to miss the first two shows. The question became who to temporarily replace her with.

[Cut to Horatio Sanz]

Horatio Sanz: They settled on me to do Update since I wowed them with my audition.

[Cut to Steve Higgins, one of the show's producers]

Steve Higgins: Horatio was terrible. I'll freely admit that. But look, we originally thought that we should replace Tina with someone who would do a good job. But then we realized that we didn't want to accidentally raise the bar too high and make it hard for her to come back. We also didn't want the viewers to forget about her, so that's why we picked Horatio. The strategy worked...almost too well.

<b>This part was hilarious. Great stuff. I would delete the 'I'll freely admit that.' part, because the stuff below explains why they picked him and it seems awkward. To me, this sounds better:
Steve Higgins: Horatio was terrible. We originally thought that we should replace Tina with someone who would do a good job. But then we realized that we didn't want to accidentally raise the bar too high and make it hard for her to come back. We also didn't want the viewers to forget about her, so that's why we picked Horatio. The strategy worked...almost too well.
Or perhaps:
Steve Higgins: Horatio was perfect. He gave the worst audition I had ever seen. See, we originally thought that we should replace Tina with someone who would do a good job. But then we realized that we didn't want to accidentally raise the bar too high and make it hard for her to come back. We also didn't want the viewers to forget about her, so that's why we picked Horatio. The strategy worked...almost too well.
</b>

[Cut to Lorne Michaels]

Lorne Michaels: Once we had Update taken care of, we had the issue of booking the first show.

[Cut to Steve Carell]

Steve Carell: It was the first time I had been asked to host, and I was honored that they wanted me to do the premiere. I said yes instantly.

[Cut to Lorne Michaels]

Lorne Michaels: Steve wasn't our first choice. To be honest, he wasn't even in our top ten. But Chris Walken canceled, and then Affleck was busy, and John and Alec were already booked for other projects, and Gary Busey was overseas on business, so we finally went with Steve.

[Cut to Steve Carell]

Steve Carell: I had a great time doing it, but I've just been so busy lately that I didn't have the energy to perform as well as I could have. If you watch the Debbie Downer sketch carefully, you can see that my eyes are bloodshot. Pay attention during the close-ups and you'll see it. I think that about says it all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go simultaneously film an episode of my show "The Office," three movies, and two commercials for Lays Potato Chips. [excitedly] They're Lay-tastic!

<b>I like it. Excellent.</b>

[Cut to Lorne Michaels]

Lorne Michaels: Kanye West was actually booked before his telethon incident, so that was great timing. We were also fortunate enough to get Mike Myers to do a cameo. I was quite pleased that he took the time out from his hectic schedule of not making any films for the past two years.

<b>Heh heh, the 'not making any films' joke is hilarious.</b>

[Cut to Finesse Mitchell]

Finesse Mitchell: Man, I was angry when I heard that they were brining back Ashlee Simpson. I was all, "Say what?!" And they were all, "Oh no you didn't!"

[Finesse Mitchell pauses]

Finesse Mitchell: [to himself] Why am I saying this?

[Finesse waves a script in front of the camera]

Finesse Mitchell: [shouting] Nobody else got a script for this thing! You all afraid of what I would really say? Well, I---

<b>Heh</b>

[Cut to Amy Poehler]

Amy Poehler: Well, with Maya and Tina gone, I was basically in every sketch, particularly in the Jon Heder episode. [pause] You know, that's actually not too different
from how it normally is. [laughs hysterically]

<b>Nice.</b>

[Cut to Chris Parnell]

Chris Parnell: You want to know about the first five shows? Already? Well, I had to miss two of them since I was out in L.A working on my new sitcom. Lots of people noticed that I was gone, which felt great since nobody noticed when I was fired a few years back. I was kind of disappointed that I missed the Catherine Zeta-Jones show though since I've always wanted to do her...[quickly] I-I mean, do a "Merv the Perv" sketch with her. [pause] Yeah, that's what I meant.

[Cut to Tina Fey]

Tina Fey: I hurried back from maternity leave so I would be there for the Catherine Zeta-Jones show. I'm really glad that I got to do her...[quickly] I-I mean, write a hot French teacher sketch for her. [pause] Yeah, that's what I meant.

<b>I like this. The first [quickly] joked seemed kinda weak but then you get to the second one which is the payoff and then you realize that the first joke is actually a joke/setup which makes you think...ahhhh, nice.</b>

[Cut to Lorne Michaels]

Lorne Michaels: Lance Armstrong hosted our fourth show. [pause] Moving on...

[Cut to Steve Higgins]

Steve Higgins: We decided to add a female featured player starting with the fifth show to help pick up the slack. That and by this point everyone had already slept with Dratch and Poehler, so we needed some new blood in the mix.

[Cut to Kristen Wiig]

Kristen Wiig: [excitedly] Oh yeah, I had a great first show! Thank you so much for asking! I was only in one sketch, but I really learned a lot. [pause] That's about it.

[Cut to Will Forte]

Will Forte: Jason Lee accidentally said "dickhead" instead of "dickweed" during a Falconer sketch. I went and said it too to help cover for him, but it only made things worse. Lorne beat me for that after the show.

[Cut to an IMAGE of the SNL logo]

Don Pardo (VO): Be sure to catch "SNL Season 31: The First Five Shows, Lost and Still Lost" this Sunday night on NBC! And coming in February, "SNL Season 31: The Second Five Shows, Why Are We Still Lost? Does Anybody Know?"

<b>I don't really think this skit needs the 'Lost' thing. The piece and premise is funny without the title suggesting that the show if faltering. That kind of takes away from the funny. It would be great with just a title like 'SNL Season 30: The First Five Shows'.

<b>Overall this was a great skit. I thought the structure and timing and jokes were excellent and I enjoyed reading the skit. It was a pleasure to read.</b>

[FADE OUT]


***************************done*****************

Yay!

I hope you don't mind but my blog is still down...

JP's Blogtastic Blog Entry Blog 27, 2000 and Blog

What a day I had today. First I woke up and stuff. Then I went for a walk. Walks are fun. I don't care what Gary says. Hah, that lazy old coot. Then I thought about how I have so many friends and people like me. And probably there are many ladies who would like to have the sex with me. But I am too busy for that! You want to get busy? Sorry, I'm already too busy!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Letterman on Oprah!!!! UMAH OPRAH OMGoodness!

Blog Out!

K, I'm done.

I hope Carrot Top and Jessica Simpson hook up, now that she's available. He wouldn't make fun of Jessica or roll his eyes like Nick(bastard) would. If she asked if chicken of the sea was chicken, he would probably just smile and pull out a rubber chicken wearing a scuba mask. Now that's love my friends.

Later skaters!

JP

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