Me too! -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 21:52:27 09/28/04 Tue
Author: Hillary
Subject: Me too!
In reply to: Jen 's message, "My favorite jokes and commentaries from WUs" on 19:26:03 09/24/04 Fri

As I recall some of us did this last time too...dunno whose idea it was.

Dick Cheney dropped the F-bomb on the senate floor when arguing with Vermont Sen. Patrick Leahy this week, but considering how many bombs he's in control of, it was just a matter of time. Following the incident, C-SPAN apparentally received its first fine from the FCC. C-SPAN's US Senate Coverage was also publicly denounced and dropped by Clear Channel, who only broadcast it in two markets anyway. Things quickly spiraled out of control when his right man-breast popped out.

Sen. Leahy commented, "I think he was just having a bad day, and I was kind of shocked to hear that kind of language on the senate floor, what with all the young, impressionable children around."

Mattel is gearing up to launch a Barbie line of clothes, accessories and perfumes for women. I'd be careful wearing these, though. Just yesterday I was lying in my room and my little brother snuck in and undressed me.

Earlier this week HMO�s won a lawsuit against patients who sued them since they were denied doctor recommended care on their medical plans. Don�t worry, folks, that high quality HMO care won't go away due to legal costs. You�ll still be able to get treated if you have your arm cut off with a chainsaw on a Tuesday between the hours of 4 and 5 a.m. and are of a Native American heritage.

A jailer in Tennessee has been charged with supplying illegal DVD�s to over 100 of the female inmates at the prison. The films seemed to be home improvement shows such as �Carpet Handling� and �Plugging up Holes�.

Following a shortened performance in Germany last month, rocker David Bowie underwent an emergency angioplasty to open a blocked heart artery. Doctors said from now on there will be major ch-ch-ch-changes in Bowie's diet.

During a promotional event for summer reading at the Santa Barbara library this week, State Education Secretary Richard Riordan jokingly told a child that her name, Isis, meant "stupid dirty girl," prompting the head of the California NAACP to call for his resignation. For those of you keeping score, Weekend Update has learned that Riordan's name means "arrogant rich bastard."

Meanwhile, Random House announced that it has secured the rights to publish Michael Moore's next book, scheduled for release in the spring. The tentative title for Moore's book is "In Case I Haven't Made Myself Perfectly Clear, I Don't Like George W. Bush."

(However, I would like to see fewer references to Michael Moore on SNY in general...it's getting <i>really</i> old. I'm not defending him, I'm just saying he's used too much. As is Bush.)

A supplier for Kentucky Fried Chicken suspended a worker without pay and is investigating three others after animal rights group, PETA, released a video of workers kicking, stomping and throwing birds against walls at a West Virginia plant. PETA made the claim that, not only is it cruel to animals, but, in their opinion, it doesn't really enhance the taste of the chicken that much.

It was reported this week that a South African woman mistakenly plunked a 100-year-old gold coin worth more than $1,000 into a parking meter, while shopping without her glasses. On the plus side, she can leave her car parked for 33 more days before she has to feed the meter again.

In International news, a Czech police officer is under investigation after he fired shots at a man who was jaywalking across the street. This officer's reputation was hurt even more earlier in the day when he went into a local Mcdonald's and stabbed the Hamburgler.

In Utah, local vandals have begun breaking into libraries and editing books with swear words. Also, they began taking out all National Geographic books that have pictorals from Africa - you know the ones I�m talking about.

A chain of private schools in California, where immigrant students learned that there are 53 states, 4 branches of the U.S. government and that Word War II took place between 1938 to 1942, were shut down this week. Though disappointed, one student was philosophical about the closure, saying, "Oh well, that�s the way the banana crumbles."

In Britain, a government-sponsored study has reported finding environmentally significant levels of Prozac in the country's drinking water. When asked to comment, one government official said �There�s Prozac in the water? That�s great. Everything is just so great."

NASA has stunned the astronomic world by announcing the discovery of four new planets beyond our solar system. Upon hearing the news President Bush announced that he would extend his campaign trail to those planets to appeal to any potential swing voters.

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