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Date Posted: 10:56:34 02/19/02 Tue
Author: Jeremy
Subject: I'm depressed
In reply to: Marz 's message, "I'm hungry" on 10:50:12 02/19/02 Tue

The wine combined with the painkiller he took earlier and the special cigarette he was in the process of smoking, helped numb the emotional pain Jeremy had been experiencing. So what if he was stuck on some stupid alternate world with no family, or close friends! He didn't need any of that shit anyway. A couple of years ago, he had the perfect life and didn't even realize it. His parents loved him and were rich enough to give him anything he wanted. Since he was an only child he had been spoiled with attention and all the things that money could buy. He was a straight A student, popular with his classmates until that fateful day of the airplane crash that killed his parents. Amazing how quickly a life could be changed.

"I should have been on that plane," he muttered, before taking a deep drag of the cigarette. Jeremy had begged his parents to let him stay home so he wouldn't miss the big sleep over party his best friend Todd was having to celebrate his thirteen birthday. And since his Uncle Paul had agreed to watch over him for the remainder of the week that his parents would be gone, they finally decided to let him stay behind. They knew how much he dreaded those medical conventions anyway, yet Jeremy had never complained about going to them the previous times. "I should have been with them when that plane went down," he said again.

He wiped away the tears that came to his eyes before talking a drink from the wine bottle. No matter how many times he tried to accept things like his counselors told him to do, he hated himself for convincing his parents to let him stay behind. "I'd be with them right now instead of in this Tolkien world filled with monsters and morons like Tristan!" Damn dragons! Why couldn't they stay with their own kind anyway?

His watery, glazed eyes fell upon Rowan as he stepped inside the room. He took another drag from the cigarette then snuffed it out on the wall behind the bed. "Want to talk about something?" the elf asked, after coming to sit beside him with a wine bottle in his hand.

Jeremy shrugged then gulped down more of his own liquor. He rubbed at his eyes and had to blink a few times before he was able to focus in on Rowan's face. "Why should I talk to you? You think I'm just some twerpy, little kid who needs a lecture on how stupid he's acting." He took another sip of wine then wiped his mouth in a sleeve before lowering his head. "Marz really made me feel wanted. He gave me something to look forward to here in this stupid world." After a deep sigh, he met Rowan's eyes. "Okay, so maybe he really doesn't want me. Nobody wants me. Hell, even I don’t want anything to do with me."

Jeremy closed his eyes, a couple of tears falling down across his cheeks as he leaned back against the headboard. "There's nothing and no one for me on this world. Everyone thinks I'm a freak, or a kid who's too young to be in love or have sexual desires. Maybe I am a freak for wanting to be close to someone like Marz is close to Tristan! I just don't belong here, Rowan. I belong with my parents. I should have died with them in that damn plane crash!" He wiped his eyes with the cuff of his shirt then lifted the wine to his lips, determined to drain the entire bottle in one long non-stop guzzle.

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