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Date Posted: 08:44:01 06/13/12 Wed
Author: chris k
Subject: stupid question


well maybe it's more of a poll

let me start with no one I know has passed away recently, but...

in your experience do people bring children around the age of five to the funeral for immediate family? say a parent, grandparent?

Would you want your five year old at your funeral?

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Replies:

[> IMVHO, I would not bring a child of that age to a funeral or to calling hours. I can't fathom that a child of this age needs to be in attendance to witness so many emotions. The concept of death is above their understanding to me. -- jenks, 08:57:44 06/13/12 Wed [1]


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[> It seems like when family members have died in the past, young children were left with baby sitters, In some cases they were brought to the viewing, but not to the funeral itself. That being said, I remember attending funerals as a very young child, but according to my mom I was always well behaved no matter where they took me. -- JJ Ronda, 17:33:30 06/13/12 Wed [1]


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[> As the mother of a 4 yo I am have to say that as much as part of me would rather have him there I would more than likely leave him with frirends if it was a the funeral of a family member or my mom if it was a friend. Now on the flip side as a child that lost a parent I feel cheated at not attending my dads funeral when I was 4, but since most of that time is barely a blip in my memory, i dont lose sleep over it -- DOS - in the end, children under 6 dont need to be there, 20:07:34 06/13/12 Wed [1]


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[> Tough Question. I started going to Viewings and Funerals when I was 8 yrs. old. But, my 3 brothers and I were raised very strictly. Catholic school, the whole bit. I never had a problem with it nor did 2 of my brothers. My oldest brother had a very hard time with it and to this day advoids them at all cost and has raised his children the same way. I don't think that is healthy either. I guess it would depend on the child, but I don't think a child needs to be exposed to a funeral or a viewing before 10. IMHO! -- Cathy F., 20:09:27 06/13/12 Wed [1]


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[> [> My first encounter with death was my grandfather and I was 11. Although it broke my heart, I felt "ready" for the scene. I had the comfort of many relatives that I loved and my grandmother gave me the option of the viewing. At that point, I knew what death meant and it was positive for me. I think children have to have a real grasp on what death is especially for a viewing. -- jenks-waving to Cathy F., 06:00:52 06/14/12 Thu [1]


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[> When we have lost family members, I polled my kids on whether or not they wanted to go to the funeral home or the funeral. Up until my stepmother's passing it was always no. I guess them having visited with her 2 weeks before her death, they felt the need to go. They went to the viewing and to the funeral. They also attended the memorial service of one of their classmates father. That event was actually at a rec center since he was a huge soccer player/fan. It all depends on the kids and the family member. -- Angela -- Mommy of 2JAGLettes, 08:29:23 06/14/12 Thu [1]


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[> [> BTW my kids are 5 and 8. -- Angela -- Mommy of 2 JAGlettes, 08:30:30 06/14/12 Thu [1]


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[> thank you ladies - you've been very very helpful!! -- chris k, 10:36:20 06/14/12 Thu [1]


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[> Modern times are much different than things were for centuries prior. There weren't funeral homes, per se, so bodies/caskets were laid out at home and funerals were a part of life - people died earlier, children often, and it was part of life. Now we try to shield the little ones from it. Depending on your religion, death is not a thing to be feared, as many feel it is the door to the afterlife/heaven, etc. With a strong foundation, children can handle it, I believe. -- The Chief (now if there's a behavioral issue with the child, if they squirm and can't sit still, then there is reason to keep them away so as not to disturb the procedings), 09:46:52 06/15/12 Fri [1]


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[> [> ITA! It really depends on the child. Inside -- JJ Ronda, 12:05:26 06/16/12 Sat [1]

Due to my religious upbringing, and the maturity that I gained early on as the only child of "olderish" parents, I had no problem attending funerals as a child. I understood what was going on and the emotions did not bother or scare me. But not all children have that same background and personality. I don't think you can put a number on it and say this is the right age to start. Some young children are very wise and mature and would do fine at funerals, yet others wouldn't know how to behave, wouldn't understand, might be traumatized by suddenly seeing things they've been shielded from, etc.


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[> [> I agree, up to a point. It looks as though I was raised as you both were, our church was our social life, it was weddings, funerals, baby showers, all the stages of life that made the world go around. Having a strong southern background as well, it was the norm for the family to have the viewing in the home, in the parlor, while other relatives who came for the funeral slept the night before the funeral. I have to say it, was really creepy way up in the hollow, with no street lights anywhere and a night so dark you couldnt see your hand in front of your face! -- mkim I think it does depend on the child...BUT, like so many things, I dont think many kids today are as prepared as we were, life and times were different., 16:34:04 06/18/12 Mon [1]


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[> [> [> Life and times were most definitely different! -- JJ Ronda, 19:02:41 06/19/12 Tue [1]


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[> I took my kids to the after dinner for the family but not to the funeral. My youngest was 6 when she went to her first funeral only because it it was supposed to be a closed casket. Until, right in the middle of the service they opened the casket. I grabbed her, covered her eyes, hubby covered her sisters eyes and my oldest looked away as we hurried out. That was the last funeral we have attended as a family like that. I would rather my kids remember the one they love alive and smiling and not some macabre waxy figure in a box. JMHO -- TF..I just dont think little kids are emotionally equipped to handle the emotions that happen at a funeral., 18:45:55 06/15/12 Fri [1]


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[> I lost my mother in law recently, and I did not want my young grandchildren to attend. I specifically asked my son to leave them at home. Everyone was so raw emotionally, I think young children pick up on these feelings and though they dont understand them, they can react by being fussy or cranky...really something no one is equipped to handle in that intense time. My son understood, BTW, he was really great about it. -- mkim, 16:16:46 06/18/12 Mon [1]


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[> as usual - y'all are wonderful! thanks again for the help- -- chris k, 05:42:07 06/20/12 Wed [1]


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