Robitussin WOW -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 22:23:29 12/09/06 Sat
Author: Jim Bevan
Subject: Robitussin WOW
In reply to: Jim Bevan 's message, "Annette Benning's Monologue" on 21:49:16 12/09/06 Sat

Tagline: Want to put an end to your coughing and your grasp on reality? This is the Robitussin for you!

Customer... Fred Armisen
Spokesman (Voice only)... Darrell Hammond

(open on the interior of a pharmacy. A man in a coat is walking down one of the aisles. He is coughing very hard. He stops in front of the cough syrups and looks them over, continuing to cough while he browses. Suddenly, a spokesman's voice comes from nowhere)

Spokesman: Nasty cough you've got there.

(The man looks up to address this voice, still hacking away.)

Customer: Yeah, it's brutal. (He coughs a few more times.) Had it for a week now.

Spokesman: Trying to find a cough syrup that'll get rid of it quickly?

Customer (incredulous): If I can find the right one. Look at all of these: long-lasting, nighttime relief, cold and flu. I just want one that'll stop my coughing and keep me from getting bothered by it.

Spokesman: Sounds like you need new Robitussin WOW.

Customer (intrigued): Robitussin WOW? (coughs some more) What's that?

(The scene cuts to a still shot of a medicine bottle with a Robitussin label filled with a viscous green liquid)

Spokesman: Robitussin WOW is specially formulated for people like you who are sick of being preoccupied by coughs, colds, allergies and countless other ailments. We know that deep in your heart you don't care about getting your cough to go away, you just want to feel better and not have to think about it. That's why Robitussin WOW has five times the legal amount of opium. Enough to distort your thought processes to such an extent that you definitely won't be thinking about your coughing. Hell, you won't be thinking about anything clearly after a shot of this.

(cut back to the man in the pharmacy, who has a box of the medicine in his hand. He looks impressed.)

Customer: I can see how it got its name. But all cough syrups I've tried before taste so horrible. Does this one?

(cut to a scene showing the medicine being poured from the bottle into a shot glass.)

Spokesman: Not to worry. To ensure a pleasant, palatable taste, Robitussin WOW is flavored with all natural mint schnapps. Not only is it tasty, it provides an even greater distraction from your cough and the real world.

(cut back to the man in the pharmacy, looking very pleased.)

Customer: This is great. It's exactly what I've been looking for! (He coughs some more, then opens the box and pulls out the bottle.) Hey, this will get rid of my cough and not just keep me from focusing on it, right?

Spokesman (sounding uncertain): Uh... yeah, sure. It might. We put some of the active ingredient in there.

Customer: All right. (He screws the cap off the bottle.) Bottoms up. (He starts chugging from the bottle.)

(The scene then cuts back to the still shot of the medicine bottle.)

Spokesman: Robitussin WOW. Nothing takes the pain and irritation of coughing away more effectively than booze and mind-altering narcotics.

(cut back to the pharmacy where the man is now naked and standing in front of the counter, his backside facing us. He has his hands behind his head and is swiveling his hips around, indicating that he's swinging his privates around. The cashiers and other customers look on in shock at his little dance.)

Customer (sounding loopy): Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me? M-I-C, K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E!

(after finishing the song, he puts his hands down and grabs onto his crotch. The screen freezes, and "Robitussin WOW" appears at the bottom.)

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Replies:

NBC's hiring policy for producers -- Evan Dowbiggin, 22:24:20 12/09/06 Sat