Weekend Update Jokes -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4], 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 19:06:53 09/30/05 Fri
Author: Jim Bevan
Subject: Weekend Update Jokes
In reply to: jennings 's message, "A note about writing the Steve Carell episode this week" on 13:31:10 09/26/05 Mon

Just in case there's still trouble with Patrick's e-mail, I thought I'd post my jokes here as well as mail them to him. Here are my update contributions, and with luck, a sketch will soon follow.

Steve Carrell: On his radio program this week, Bill Bennett attempted to show the fallacy of a claim that abortion has resulted in lower crime rates by stating that crime can be greatly reduced by aborting black babies. Bennett was promptly chastized for his remarks by the White House and members of Congress, and in an impressive display of biparitsanship, senators Robert Byrd and Trent Lott gave him a resounding "Way to go, man."

Don Adams, star of the sitcom "Get Smart" and the voice of Inspector Gadget, recently passed away at the age of 82. His funeral was attended by nearly three thousand friends, relatives, colleagues and fans. (a beat, then he switches to a Maxwell Smart voice) Would you believe five hundred mourners paid their last respects to Adams? (a beat) Would you believe a dozen trained chimpanzees were hired as pallbearers and nothing more? (applause from the audience, and Carrell returns to his normal voice) Yeah, we'll miss you, Don.

Amy Poehler: Conservationists in the Phillipines successfully bred two endangered hornbills in an attempt to replenish their dwindling population. In an unrelated story, France's population of cheese eating surrender monkeys is expected to flourish for centuries to come.

A bookie in Dublin has come under fire for advertising his business using a poster that depicts Jesus and the apostles playing poker at the Last Supper. I happened to see the poster in question, and it is absolutely deplorable. Simon Peter is folding with two clubs in his hand and two in the flop. Blasphemy!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Sketches -- Jason, 19:10:07 09/30/05 Fri

Re: Sketches -- Jim Bevan, 19:49:34 09/30/05 Fri

Sketch - Oedipus Wrecked -- Jim Bevan, 20:00:33 09/30/05 Fri

WU Jokes -- Jason, 22:44:45 09/30/05 Fri