"You can't hurry love." - Stupid's opinion -- Saturday Night You Bull Sessions

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Date Posted: 00:03:19 05/13/04 Thu
Author: Diputs - flip it and reverse it....wait don't flip it!
Subject: "You can't hurry love." - Stupid's opinion
In reply to: Patrick Lonergan 's message, "REVIEWS: Snoop Dogg 05/08/04" on 14:54:38 05/08/04 Sat

Man, that is one of those all time cool songs. And just like love...you can't hurry reviews.

Just trying to find a format I'm comfortable with. Ratio of "Things that made me go hmmm." to 'What I liked' shouldn't be taken as an indication that I liked or didn't like a skit. It's just in certain cases I happened to be able to pinpoint things. I've tried to just raise some points to give people stuff to think about. If you have any major complaints with my reviewing style please e-mail me at: sny_writer@yahoo.com. Just playing!

It's really: complaints@britney.org. Thank you.

And yes, yes I did steal that 'Things that made me go hmmm." from Arsenio. WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Stupid reviews...

Cold Open

Overall: The writing was good and it flowed nicely.

"Things that made me go hmmm...":

The first part could use some work:

"Thank you, and good night. Or good evening, rather. I�m the President and I have something I want the public to know. I know I may not seem like the smartest tool in the shed sometimes, but I want the citizens of this great country to rest easy, and to know that everything is under control in the Middle East."

Another way to write that:

Thank you, and goodnight. (A beat) Or good evening if you prefer(or rather whatever). I am the President and I have something I want the public to know. I may not seem like the smartest tool in the shed at times but I assure you, the citizens of this great country, that everything is under control in the Middle East.

just to get rid of the double 'I want' and the triple use of the word 'know'.

What I liked:

"I�m not sure if it still exists, or ever did for that matter, but again - if it�s close to these other troublesome �I� countries, I�d like to get some people with guns on top of it."

Monologue:

Overall: The writing was good but the ideas seemed to fizzle out too quickly.

"Things that made me go hmmm...":

I don't think the izzles were used properly.

I would have liked to have seen a bit more done with M.C. Hammer.

MC Hammer: Shut up, just listen to me. You are doing this whole�monologue thing wrong. You�re not supposed to do comedy. You�re supposed to sing a song or something. Rappers aren�t actors�and actors aren�t rappers! Ya got me?

The first part is okay but the second part is totally untrue and doesn't seem to fit MC Hammer. Ice Cube is a good actor and DMX has been successful and Eminem has been successful. Uh and what about Queen Latifah and el superstar grande Will Smith? Given that...it seems weird that MC Hammer would say that. If you bring MC Hammer on, think like MC Hammer. Not like the real MC Hammer but u know what I mean. So even if you wanted the appearance to be short it could be like:

MC Hammer: Shut up, just listen to me. You are doing this whole�monologue thing wrong. You�re supposed to sing a song or something. Here check this out. (motions to band and they play his trademark 'Can't touch this.' break it down music)

Snoop Dogg: What the hell was that.

MC Hammer: That's called entertaining the people. You got it?

Or something...

The Shakespeare thing I really liked as well but again I felt it deserved to be developed a bit more. Even just keeping the Shakespeare quote more intact would have made it, in my eyes, about 7.8% more developed.

like:

Snoop Dogg: To be or not to be, that is the mother-flipping question. Whether �tis nobler in the eyes of outrageous bling, bling!

Snoop Dogg: To be or not to be, that is the mother-flipping question. Whether �tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous bling, bling!

Still that's abrupt and doesn't really form a complete thought...
I would have maybe liked to have seen him do actual Shakespeare or else paraphrased Shakespeare so that it still made sense. Just seemed a bit rushed.

You have good ideas. Take your time with them.

What I liked:

Well, I liked the monologue and I thought the MC Hammer and Shakespeare ideas were really good.

Cheerios

Overall: The writing was very good and it flowed nicely.

"Things that made me go hmmm...":

It was short and I didn't get a chance to hmmm.

What I liked:

The guy's reaction to Bush.

The way Kerry appears in a small box in the corner.

Negative Connotations

Overall: The writing was very good and it flowed nicely.

"Things that made me go hmmm...":

The wife beater thing weakened the skit for me.

Seemed odd that the names of the characters changed.

What I liked:

The Sweetie/Cuteness thing.

Underdogg:

So, I had this dream about Britney...she was all like:
"Oh JP, u're so cute wanna be in my next video."
and I was all like
"Sure, what song is the video for?"
and she was like
"Oh there's no song but uh..do u mind if my friend Paris Hilton is in the video too?"
and I was like
"Uh...okay sure."
So then Paris Hilton comes in and we set up the video equipment and then...
BOOYAH we turned out a sweet 'Jarett's Room' skit. Paris was Jarett and Britney was Goby and I was DJ Feinstein. It was quite funny. Then we all went to Starbucks where I ditched them because all those two did was talk about shopping and stuff. Chicks...
Still, it was the best dream ever.

Fan Fiction Theatre

Overall: Well...(thunder clouds form)...uh...(thunderclap is heard)...I'm gonna no comment this one. Instead I'll review last week's monologue from same author.

"Things that made me go hmmm."

"Is that not enough?" maybe "Isn't that enough?"

What I liked:

Tina's ironic statements

The idea of people dressing up for Mean Girls is classic. Maybe could've used some cast members?

Weekend Update:

Overall: Nice to see a bunch of different people contributing. Writing WU jokes is super difficult. If anyone ever feels down about their joke writing just head on over to the Enquirer website and check out the 'Laughtrack' by James Harris. And that idiot gets paid for writing those...

So joke by joke:

Announcer: From Studio 8H in Rockefeller Center, this is Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon & Tina Fey.

Jimmy Fallon: I'm Jimmy Fallon.

Tina Fey: And I'm Tina Fey. Here are tonight's top stories!

Jimmy Fallon: President Bush apologized Thursday for the abuse and humiliation of Iraqi prisoners by U.S. soldiers, saying the scenes of mistreatment had made Americans "sick to our stomachs." Bush went on to say, �I think John Kerry may have been involved in the abuse. The prisoners were covered in Heinz Ketchup!�

The whole thing is kind of a tense issue so this joke is tricky. Tough one.

And now with a brief comment on the abused Iraqi prisoner pictures is Tina Fey.

Tina Fey: Short and sweet, the picture revealed this week that American soldiers make Jeffery Dahmer look tame. Thank you.

Jimmy Fallon: This has been a brief comment by Tina Fey.

It's not all soldiers, just a few idiots.

Tina Fey: A woman stunned the staff at a British sweet shop when she bought more than 10,000 chocolate bars and had them loaded into her chauffeur-driven limousine. In an unrelated story, Starr Jones visited England.

Heh, this is snlish.

Studies show that Singapore is reported to have less sex then any other location; second on the list, The White House.

I don't know...

A gorilla who became a cult figure in South Africa after he was shot confronting an armed robber on the run died on Wednesday. You can read about it in his biography: "Magilla, We Hardly New Ye."

Heh, I'm not sure if the title means something but the joke itself sounds funny.

Jimmy Fallon: A Texas man is suspected of using a bubble bath by candlelight and soothing music as bait to set a date with death for his wife. In an unrelated story, Laura Bush is dead.

It seems a bit of a stretch to equate this to the President just because of the Texas
thing.

Tina Fey: A federal drug agent shot himself in the leg during a gun safety presentation to children. The man had asked an audience member to come up and confirm that the gun was not loaded before firing it towards the floor. Police called it an accident, but considering that he was presenting to a minority youth golfing organization, I think the only accident was that he shot himself and not one of the little black golfers. He just jumped the gun a little.

Well, I think the second sentence can be deleted. I didn't like the joke at all because it seems racist. Yeah...I hated this joke.

President Bush called the abuse of prisoners in Iraq "abhorrent." After consulting with Dick Cheney, he realized that instead of "abhorrent", he meant "homoerotic."

It's a well structured joke and joke length is impressive cuz short jokes are tough to write.

Jimmy Fallon: �Friends� star Jennifer Aniston will be a torch bearer in this summer�s Olympic games. This is to promote her new sitcom, in which her �Friends� character Rachel moves to Athens to pursue a career as a pyromaniac.

I think this is funny.

Milk prices are rising nationwide. Apparently the cows are getting a bit touchy about having their tits squeezed constantly.

One of those cows being my wife! Am I right? Ha ha ha ha...ahhhh. Actually I think cows like being milked. Dirty cows.

Tina Fey: Last Wednesday was Cinco de Mayo, a Mexican holiday. Cinco de Mayo marks the historic day that Americans began to use a Mexican holiday as another excuse to get plastered.

Heh.

Jimmy Fallon: Major league baseball decided not to put �Spider-Man 2� logos on their bases as part of a promotion. They also nixed a plan to have the �Partridge Family� movie logo on their bats.

Well, the spiderman 2 logos and the partridge family logos both seem equally silly to me. Maybe something like 'but Derek Jeter(or some baseballer like Mike Piazza who "isn't gay".) did offer to dress like catwoman for the rest of the season.'. I don't know...

Tina Fey: Federal authorities are trying to contain the �Sasser� worm that is targeting Windows users. The worm infects computers by talking back to the person using them.

Jimmy Fallon: (Has a laptop in front of him) You know, Tina, I think my laptop here might be infected, could you take a look?

Sasser Worm: (Computer appears to �respond� in a robot monotone.) HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE A LOOK AT HIS BRAIN. HA. HA.

Jimmy Fallon: What the�see what I mean? This thing talks like a smartass!

Sasser Worm: ISN�T IT SAD HOW COMPUTER VIRUSES ARE SMARTER THAN PEOPLE. PEOPLE LIKE YOU. HA. HA.

Tina Fey: Jeez, that thing is obnoxious.

Sasser Worm: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS OBNOXIOUS. THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE, TINA FEY. YOU THINK YOU�RE SO GODDAMN FUNNY. WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU�RE NOT.

Tina Fey: What?!

Sasser Worm: YOU THINK YOU�RE BETTER THAN ME, DON�T YOU. I COULD TAKE YOU ANY DAY.

Tina Fey: Oh really? Bring it on, bitch!

Jimmy Fallon: I can�t believe it. She�s having a cat fight with a computer virus. (As he says this, Tina throws the laptop onto the floor.) Dude, Tina, that�s my laptop! Those things are expensive!

Sasser Worm: (From the floor, the computer sputters back to life) IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO, YOU WEAK CUNT.

Tina Fey: (Tina gets up from the desk and starts to stomp on the laptop.) Die!

Jimmy Fallon: Well, that�s one way to get rid of a computer virus. For Weekend Update, I�m Jimmy Fallon.

Like, I really thought the idea of the sasser worm being sassy was funny but somehow when it used the word c*** I was like wtf? Cuz u know...that's a pretty bad word. I've read magazines where the f-word is used but the word c*** is edited just like I edited it. I think if u need to use a swear go for it, but don't just stick them in like that. I don't think it's worth it. Whatever.

Tina Fey: And (stomp) I�m (stomp) Tina Fey! (She finally smashes it.) Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

The Dennis Miller Show

Overall: The writing was very good and flowed well.

"Things that made me go hmmm..."

Maybe use Jimmy instead of Dana

Seemed too political at times

Dennis: Proper training, Marlon. You forget I was on Saturday Night Live for six years of my life, and the crappy excuses for comedy they put on during my tenure has all but completely decimated my ability to express mirth.

This could be left out. Why take a shot at SNL like that? It's a rhetorical question.

"...where I imagine he'll use his ill-gotten gains to make sure that the women keep blowing and the men keep chundering."

I think the women were glowing...otherwise book me a trip to Austrailia! Not sure...

What I liked:

Impressive number of Millerisms. Wow.

I swear it's like I'm moderating a debate between Martin Sheen and Paul Wolfowitz in the Colosseum, Derringer's provided them with fully loaded colt forty-fives for rebuttals, and Octavius isn't giving us a meager thumbs down, we're getting a full middle finger dexlue special.

Nice work.

Shopping With Baby

Overall: The writing was very good and it flowed really well.

"Things that made me go hmmm...":

Didn't like where the angle with the baby went at all.

What I liked:

Mother: Oh, yeah�the cake. Anyway, I�m making it for myself. You know, comfort food? I guess I�ve been real lonely here lately. I just need something, you know?

Stock Boy: I think you need a psychiatrist.

Mother: Boy, I wish I could land a doctor! (laughs) I swear, all the good ones are taken, aren�t they?

Stock Boy: Yeah, that ain�t what I meant.

Viagra
Overall: Writing brings the skit to life and it flows.

"Things that made me go hmmm."

I was a little confused by the political twist in this one.

What I liked:

I could really picture the skit

The tiny box opening

News at Noon From the Moon

It's so boring it's funny! Okay, I didn't say it was a great idea...
Did I mention the Britney dream?

The Game Show News Network

Overall: Nicely written, cool format.

"Things that made me go hmmm...":

Didn't quite get the liars club part with Colin Powell

What I liked:

Overall concept

First and second part I found more enjoyable even though in real life I like the Liar's Club game show.

Road to the White House:

"Things that made me go hmmm."

I think the Ralph Nader part could be rearranged. His announcing of his running mate seems really abrupt. Maybe have him talk about the two reasons for impeachement and then before he goes on to explain the 'five falsehoods' that led to war he can introduce Snoop Dogg.

What I liked:

I enjoyed the rap and the idea of Snoop Dogg as a running mate.

[fade out]

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Replies:

Because I had a few sad hours by myself and decided to review -- and everyone likes feed back - Jen, 21:18:28 05/16/04 Sun
- Is there something wrong w/ me?? -- JPIII, 22:32:24 05/16/04 Sun