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a, May 12 2024 [ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, [8], 9, 10 ]

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Date Posted: Saturday, August 14, 04:01:53pm
Author: El Duque
Subject: I am a Duquesne basketball fan

I am a Duquesne basketball fan. Have been for years. I've seen the Dukes in better days, when the NCAA Tournament was an expectation for the program, and the NIT was a good place to hang out hat when times were tough.

Then along came a couple bumps in the road, and the next thing I know, my Dukes are locked in a death spiral. Coaches come and go. Players come and go. Sometimes good players, but somehow never enough.

Next thing I know, the Dukes hit rock bottom. Winning becomes like a solar eclipse. Rare, and hard to watch anyway.

Now I'm thinking there's no way out of this. No coach can come in here and change this program. It's the George Costanza of college basketball, a loser, and not a loveable one. It longs to be seen with Angelina Jolie, even though it couldn't buy a date with Ugly Betty, or Murphy Brown (who names a girl "Ugly" or "Murphy," anyway?)

But still, I dream. After all, when Danny Nee was here, a turnaround was always only a year away. Big man signed on the dotted line. A backup JV guy at LeBron's school. A benchwarmer at a better program. They were out there. Never mind that the big man was coming off a free agency year in Spain, or whatever. We signed him and maybe the NCAA won't notice. Then it's goodbye Ugly and Murphy and hello Angelina.

Along comes the new regime. Greg Amodio - curse him, he messed with the pep band - and Ron Everhart. After one losing season, things have turned around. Three consecutive seasons of .500 ball or better. Big time players, like Shawn James and Damian Saunders. Suddenly the Dukes can play with almost anyone. No more laughing stock.

And best of all, no more Ugly and Murphy.

Instead, Ron has set me up with ... wait, is that Jennifer Aniston? I mean, she's OK and everything, but she ain't no Angelina Jolie. Or Megan Fox.

Oh, woe is me.

Everhart can't bring me frickin' Angelina Jolie.

I'll just do what I do best. Whine, b*tch, complain.

Tear down the new recruits.

Act like I'm being cheated.

They did take away the men's swimming team, after all.

Never mind that Everhart busted his hump to try to get the most prized big man in the nation, only to have Blob Thuggins steal him away. At a time when every freaking major program in the country was after him.

All I got was some hotshot kid who's only here because his aunt is a coach, and some guys from Michigan (where is that, South America?), and now some kid from New York who just can't be that good because he's coming here.

And he's probably an emotional train wreck, you know, because most teenagers are smart, like the guys on "Big Bang Theory." NEVER MIND THAT I SCREAMED FOR YEARS THAT WE NEED TO RECRUIT KIDS FROM THE CITY!!!

No, I am a Duquesne basketball fan. I'm frickin' stuck with Jennifer Aniston. Can you imagine that? Let me go on that message board and whine some more. After all, I am the only one making a real contribution to this program.

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