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Date Posted: 20:12:52 05/06/04 Thu
Author: Jen
Subject: I accidentally became a democrat...
In reply to: Patrick Lonergan 's message, "REVIEWS: Lindsey Lohan 05/01/04" on 08:41:42 05/01/04 Sat

CO: Jafi.com
The many faces of Bush. I’m glad Forte is doing the impression now, it’s a bit forced but the mannerisms are pretty good. Really minute point, I think it could be a good idea for Bush to refer Condolezza as Condee but for blocking, descriptors and other characters to use her full name. It makes Bush appear lazy and unprofessional which is a nice thing when you want him to look stupid. Not a big deal, but in the news she’s referred to by her full name so I don’t see the point of a nickname unless you’re too lazy to type the name in its entirety, in which case refer to her as Rice it’s even shorter.

This:

GEORGE OPENS UP A HIDDEN WALL PANEL TO SHOW A MOVIE THEATER POPCORN MACHINE

GEORGE SCOOPS OUT POPCORN FOR HIMSELF AND DICK

HE THEN OPENS UP ANOTHER WALL PANEL

AND SWIRLS COTTON CANDY FOR CONDEE

GEORGE HANDS THEM THEIR SNACKS

CONDEE AND DICK SIT DOWN ON A COUCH ACROSS FROM THE SCREEN

GEORGE STANDS BY THE SWITCH OF THE PROJECTOR

Would be better formatted in the standard description way (lower case letters, as concise as possible). That aside, I think there are good concepts here, visual things that would be fun to see. I don’t think Lindsay’s part is necessary at all, and I think further lengths could be explored with Bush wanting to “show America” what happens behind clothes doors but covering it all up at the same time. Good premise, but there are little things that get in the way.

Monologue: Hillary

Oo-kay, initially there are just a couple flow issues. Lines that don’t sound entirely natural to me, I usually try to write the way I speak and I say a lot of my line aloud and if it sounds unnatural that means I either need to rewrite it or it’s just a very dirty thing that I say in my normal vocabulary. But if it feels fine to you, then who cares? I’m a retard! Moving on, I liked some of the lines in here and starting off with not plugging the movie was fun, the idea of dressing up like characters to show support is a fantastic one! However, this is pretty short and the focus is more on Tina’s interaction with the fans as opposed to Lindsay, who the boys are dressing like. While this lack of attention does warrant Lindsay’s segue line into the show it seems premature. More could have gone one beforehand, more set up or even different situations in which Tina gets the attention even though Lindsay is the one who people see and copy. Realistically speaking, it would be Tina claiming Lindsay is stealing HER thunder, she’s the one who comes out being critical of how Lindsay dresses exploring that relationship or Tina’s jealous feelings could be another direction to take this. In conclusion (I’m sorry, I’ve said a lot but I’m not entirely sure how much this helps you) you could have developed this more, used a bit more time and more thoroughly developed either the relationship between Tina and Lindsay or between Lindsay/Tina and the fans.

Voting: Steve Parish
Fantastic idea! I really really liked it, but it needed to be longer. The voter could have tried voting for various candidates other than George W. Bush, writing in names. I like the idea of making it into a Bush ad. There are various twists and extras you could put into this, it’s a great idea but it needs to be taken a step or two further to really fulfill its potential.

Chinese: JPIII
I really like seeing a sketch that I’ve seen before…only because it feels like some really loser-ish form of an inside joke. Aside from the premise being over all pretty gross, this is a very good sketch. I think Parnell and Meyers would play off the lines great and Armisen is a fantastic choice for looking genuinely dumb, clueless of Chinese dining customs.

One thing, this line:
Waiter: Sir, I know we not supposed to pee-pee in Coke, so I got cat in alley to pee-pee in it.

It needs some sort of justification for why he “knows” that he’s not supposed to pee pee in coke because he obviously didn’t get it from the manager and he knows other Chinese restaurants do it, yet he’s clueless about the practice within his own establishment. Needs justification that’s all. This sketch as a whole reminds me of something very important: drink tea in Chinese restaurants.

More reviews and more on my political excursion.

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