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Date Posted: 01:36:23 02/21/04 Sat
Author: Jen
Subject: and a little bit softer now
In reply to: Jen 's message, "and a little bit softer now" on 01:43:29 02/20/04 Fri

A Very Special club - Ken
I liked your reincorporation! Getting rid of the woman and having her come back when Customer #1 is in jail was a nice ending, and that made me laugh. What didn't make me laugh was the scene where he freaks out, disrupts traffic and gets arrested. I don't like this for a few reasons, 1) traffic is usually bad enough 2) because I don't know if the woman pushed him far enough for his character to realistically go crazy. Customer #1 is such a straight character that having him go to that extreme seems out of character for him. I kind of would have liked him to turn the game on her, figure out what she's going to bring up next and beat her to it. Also, I thought you took a bit too much time in the beginning introducing the woman, you had some interactions between customer #2 and the clerk which were meant to build up the woman and to keep the audience entertained but I think it would have been nice just to get to your main joke - the woman. As is though, I liked your ending and the idea. I give this sketch:

A Bob

Raquetball - The III
In the beginning there was raquetball. And the III saw the raquetball and saw that it was aiight. Then the III saw the wrong way to play raquetball and saw that it was aiight. And then Jen read the sketch and thought "this could be funny with on stage hurting this man stuff, but it's hard for the first half to be funny." and that was just fine. But Jen really liked the end. The Puerto Ricans thing followed by the church line is just mean, cruel, and wrong in so many ways. But Jen liked it, it was funny and it even makes a point. So yeah! But the beginning feels a bit slow. Oh well. And then Jen gave this sketch...simply because it hadn't yet been given:

The Rachel

Fountains of Wayne - MJR
I remembered reading this via e-mail so when I read this on the update I thought it was a repeat sketch...it was a very odd experience, deja vu of the worst and most annoying kind. You could cut the first mtv thing and just start with video footage or a stock picture outside a recording studio with the song playing in the background. I don't know if the rhyming record company execs really works for me but it's okay. I like the repetition of "just as long as its about a mother," but the songs may have been more ridiculously repeditive if it'd just been the same song with a different name for the mom. That would also eliminate some of the mtv things...because those just really aren't that funny, they're annoying. But I still like this idea...even if the time for Fountains of Wayne has passed...do they have a new single yet? Anyway, to me they're old news. That said, I give this sketch ... because I'm running out of hair styles:

A Mullet

Backstage - Prateek
Matteo make a post mentioning that he likes really descriptive descriptions, and yes, he's right in that a description is meant to give the reader the stage directions that the reader cannot create on his/her own based soley on the dialogue or what has more generally been stated. However, I'm going to have to advocate that to the point descriptions are best, and you've got a few long ones in here. Also, when you're doing a description you don't need to say things like "We open to..." just say "Open to" it sounds more like you're writing a sketch than trying to say it to someone, if that makes sense. Also, be careful with your dialogue you have a tendency to get wordy which bogs down your sketch. But you have good ideas in here, I liked that you did something about the grammys, superbowl and the FCC regulation stuff. I think it's important to do current events when they're still current, which you did which is good. That said I'm rating this:

A combover

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