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Date Posted: 11:23:27 10/28/05 Fri
Author: Sunshine
Subject: Re: Bastard Xander
In reply to: manwitch 's message, "Bastard Xander" on 09:45:31 10/28/05 Fri

I certainly do not wish to defend Xander as he is the one Buffyverse character that I dislike intensely (hate is too strong but just barely) but I do not understand why his comments to Buffy in ITW are an outrage. I read this as suggesting to Buffy that she put aside the shock of seeing Riley with the vamp girl (not sure of the proper terminology here) and ask herself if she really has feelings for Riley. I think this is sound advice - do not make life altering decisions in the passion of the moment. That doesn't seem so outrageous so I must be missing something. As far as Riley, he wasn't a favorite character of mine but I think Buffy did in fact hold back her feelings with him and did push him away. I think Riley sensed this, and reacted poorly, egged on by Spike and even innocent comments by Dawn. Maybe she should have pushed him away, maybe he wasn't the right guy for her but I saw one of those circles of misunderstanding and hurt that are often so hard to break. I see Xander as saying "Don't pile hurt upon hurt, don't react out shock and pain, consider what you have and what you want, and act accordingly". So what am I missing?
One of the main reasons that I disliked Xander so was that several times, when his friends were in emotional pain, when they really needed support, he just piled on with one of his self righteous, petulant, sanctimonious lectures. Not my definition of a friend. Even when you think the person is wrong, when they are in intense pain you need to deal with the pain first and try to provide some comfort. Later, when they are better able to handle the critique, you can confront them with their actions. Of course, since Anya and Spike were two of my favorite characters, his actions toward them provided enough of a justification for my dislike of Xander.

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